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The Light at the End of the Tunnel

Mommay

Mommay

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Thanks, friends.
@Frawg - Thank you for the suggestion. I'm afraid I know all about the injections. I took them for over a year and a half when I was first diagnosed - basically, about the time Avonex, Beta what-cha-macallit & Copaxone came out (the ABCs). It was like I had the flu every time I had an injection. My body just wouldn't tolerate them. My MS is basically a nuisance (most of the time). I found that I do much better when I forego processed foods, lay off of artificial sweeteners and basically take better care of myself. I have an issue with malabsorption, too & I really think that my low iron, vitamin & calcium levels are playing havoc with my whole system. It's been almost 3 years since I had an iron infusion (that was the last time I went to the doctor, too). I've always been GREAT at self-diagnosing - not always correct, but I'm really practiced at doing it. hahaha. I'm pretty sure that my general state of being is what's causing the MS to rear it's ugly head & causing some other irritating problems. I really do appreciate your input. Sometimes, I need a good dose of reality to push me into action.
 
ghost62

ghost62

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cherrycakes said:
just so much pain
the only time I'm not in pain is when I'm asleep... :(
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I feel for ya. My hip is about an 8 on the 'Hurts Like Hell' scale on the best of days but I don't really have a choice but to work. Doctor keeps saying I need to be on disability until surgery but there is a six month wait from your last day of work. I can't afford to be without income for 6 days, let alone 6 MONTHS.
Then toss I the fact that I don't take any pain killers...
Hang in there, ok?
Life is nothing but a series of moments, some good, some not so much... You just gotta be strong enough to make it through one moment at a time.
 
cherrycakes

cherrycakes

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ghost62 said:
I feel for ya. My hip is about an 8 on the 'Hurts Like Hell' scale on the best of days but I don't really have a choice but to work. Doctor keeps saying I need to be on disability until surgery but there is a six month wait from your last day of work. I can't afford to be without income for 6 days, let alone 6 MONTHS.
Then toss I the fact that I don't take any pain killers...
Hang in there, ok?
Life is nothing but a series of moments, some good, some not so much... You just gotta be strong enough to make it through one moment at a time.
Click to expand...

how do you not take painkillers?
I admire your strength.
I can get away with missing one day of work, every two weeks. sometimes, depending on the bills :(
unfortunately this week I cannot and have to work three days just to break even
how long is it going to take u to get the surgery done?

I am willing to go under the knife asap but it is only a temporary fix until the next cysts grow in...
 
Just Me

Just Me

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Guys Try Kratom for pain its a herb and works really well. I hear ya on not being able to miss work for even a day thats one reason I havent had another back surgery. Not going to complain about pain it does no good and doesn't make it go away.
 
ghost62

ghost62

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cherrycakes said:
how do you not take painkillers?
I admire your strength.
I can get away with missing one day of work, every two weeks. sometimes, depending on the bills :(
unfortunately this week I cannot and have to work three days just to break even
how long is it going to take u to get the surgery done?

I am willing to go under the knife asap but it is only a temporary fix until the next cysts grow in...
Click to expand...
Painkillers aren't an option for me. My drug was ALWAYS alcohol but my disease is addiction. And it will latch on to ANYTHING and I will find a way to abuse it- NSAIDS, herbal remedies, even behaviors.
This damn disease will twist anything and I'm not willing to run the risk of going back to the person I used to be.
Even through the pain, I have a level of peace that I never had before.
I like me today. I have people that know, and love, the real me. And I love them.
What's pain compared to that?
I never get used to the pain, but I get used to living with it, if that makes any sense.
Besides, I may only have another couple months til surgery. I can handle that.
Just gotta be strong enough to get through one moment at a time...
The rest will take care of itself.
Are the doctors saying there are any long term solutions for you? My wife had to have a complete hysterectomy when she was 32 because cysts kept coming back.
 
cherrycakes

cherrycakes

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I want a hysterectomy but because I have no kids yet most doctors refuse to consider it :(
 
cherrycakes

cherrycakes

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Right now they're giving me menopause inducing injections to see if that helps stop new cysts from forming. Of course I have cysts already so I see another surgery in my future. However the next time I just want them to take the ovaries out with the cysts lol
 
cherrycakes

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It's still a case of doctors refusing to listen to me, saying the cysts shouldn't be causing pain, etc etc...
 
ghost62

ghost62

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cherrycakes said:
It's still a case of doctors refusing to listen to me, saying the cysts shouldn't be causing pain, etc etc...
Click to expand...
I imagine it would be a difficult decision. My wife already had 3 kids so going ahead with a full hysterectomy wasn't really a tough choice.
I didn't know her then, but she says that she began getting cysts in her mid twenties and some times were so bad all she could do was curl up in a ball and cry.
I'll keep ya in my prayers.
 
Frawg

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ghost62 said:
I know it's tough to do, but remember- you gotta take care of yourself before you can take care of others. If you let yourself get run down to the point you can't function, what good will you be to anyone?
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That's what I've been trying to do. Fighting GNC being not-open half the time when I'm near one. As such I'm dealing with other brands of B2 - which I use for migraine prevention/alleviation when I get them. I just need to get an online account and buy online...
 
GlycerinHack

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All's Good in Texas Just checking in. A few aches and pains. I dyno tested my shit for 30 years i guess it should ache some times right lol . Love page 62 in BB kinda explains it. Later y'all have a big day.
 
Mommay

Mommay

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Greetings, my Underground Tunnel friends! It's good to be back home & off the road again. I was so sore from the trip, that I spent all day yesterday just lazing around. And most of this afternoon, on the phone - trying to find a doc that will take my insurance.... going to have to look some more tomorrow. I was looking for an internist for my PCP, but may have to just go to a GP - man, I hate waiting in a waiting room with a bunch of sick kids :(:eek:. I much prefer grouchy old people ;)
 
ghost62

ghost62

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Mommay said:
Greetings, my Underground Tunnel friends! It's good to be back home & off the road again. I was so sore from the trip, that I spent all day yesterday just lazing around. And most of this afternoon, on the phone - trying to find a doc that will take my insurance.... going to have to look some more tomorrow. I was looking for an internist for my PCP, but may have to just go to a GP - man, I hate waiting in a waiting room with a bunch of sick kids :(:eek:. I much prefer grouchy old people ;)
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Glad ya made it home ok and I wholeheartedly agree- kids and waiting rooms are not a good mix.
I'm racking my brain trying to come up with something witty along the lines of 'You have to be patient if you're going to be A patient' but I'm too tired so I'll just leave it at that...
;)
 
Just Me

Just Me

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Being ourselves

"Our real value is in being ourselves."


Over and over, we have tried to live up to the expectations of those around us. We may have been raised believing that we were okay if we earned good grades in school, cleaned our rooms, or dressed a certain way. Always wanting to belong and be loved, many of us spent a lot of time trying to fit in-yet we never quite seemed to measure up.

Now, in recovery, we are accepted as we are. Our real value to others is in being ourselves. As we work the steps, we learn to accept ourselves just as we are. Once this happens, we gain the freedom to become who we want to be.

We each have many good qualities we can share with others. Our experiences, honestly shared, help others find the level of identification they need to begin their recovery. We discover that we all have special gifts to offer those around us.

Just for Today: My experience in recovery is the greatest gift I can give another addict. I will share myself honestly with others.

I really liked this one so thought I would share
 
ghost62

ghost62

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Just Me said:
Being ourselves

"Our real value is in being ourselves."


Over and over, we have tried to live up to the expectations of those around us. We may have been raised believing that we were okay if we earned good grades in school, cleaned our rooms, or dressed a certain way. Always wanting to belong and be loved, many of us spent a lot of time trying to fit in-yet we never quite seemed to measure up.

Now, in recovery, we are accepted as we are. Our real value to others is in being ourselves. As we work the steps, we learn to accept ourselves just as we are. Once this happens, we gain the freedom to become who we want to be.

We each have many good qualities we can share with others. Our experiences, honestly shared, help others find the level of identification they need to begin their recovery. We discover that we all have special gifts to offer those around us.

Just for Today: My experience in recovery is the greatest gift I can give another addict. I will share myself honestly with others.

I really liked this one so thought I would share
Click to expand...
That's always been one of my favorites
 
ghost62

ghost62

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Today's Just For Today meditation is one I quote often.
And one I read often to help very through tough times.
 
Frawg

Frawg

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Gah I'm not getting notices of any of the threads I watch, some aren't showing in my watched threads list, or anything so I've been MIA thinking no one has been posting. Add to that I've been swamped with stuff at work and even when I'm not at work. Still here, trying not to go insane.
 
ghost62

ghost62

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Frawg said:
Gah I'm not getting notices of any of the threads I watch, some aren't showing in my watched threads list, or anything so I've been MIA thinking no one has been posting. Add to that I've been swamped with stuff at work and even when I'm not at work. Still here, trying not to go insane.
Click to expand...
Been having the same issue. It's frustrating but I chalk it up to bugs in the forum- it is fairly new. And growing!
I think they've done a great job getting this off the ground (or Underground) but it has a ways to go.
Glad you're still with us.
 
K

kabalm18

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post: 132338 said:
Been having the same issue. It's frustrating but I chalk it up to bugs in the forum- it is fairly new. And growing!
I think they've done a great job getting this off the ground (or Underground) but it has a ways to go.
Glad you're still with us.
Click to expand...
I got a notification saying this reply was to my post....I have never posted in this thread.
 
ghost62

ghost62

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'Nothing bad ever happened to me.'
Those were the last words of one of my best friends from high school ever said to me.

In school, Ben (not his real name) was one of the guys that other guys wanted to be like- popular, parents were both doctors, athletic, cool car, always had the cutest girls...
We both started drinking and going to parties at about the same time and soon, it wasn't a party unless we were there.
As often happens, after graduation, we lost touch, occasionally running into to each other, less and less frequently over the years.
I saw him about two years ago at a meeting. He was court ordered to attend because of a DUI. We talked for a while afterward. He was going through a divorce (his third) and was working for a temp agency.
He looked bad.
There's no other way to put it. He looked bad. In school, he was a good looking guy, an athlete and girls just swooned over him. Now, he was missing more than a few teeth, his face was thin, but the worst thing was the look in his eyes.
There was no life there. He had shell-shocked stare so common to long time addicts whose lives have completely fallen apart and they have no idea how things went so terribly, terribly wrong.
I told him I was glad he was there and gave him my number, invited him out to eat with a group of us but he said he had to 'bolt'.
Before he left, I introduced him to my wife and she hugged him and said she was glad he was making some positive changes. He laughed and looked at both of us. 'Oh, I'm just here because I have to be. I don't really need to change because nothing bad ever happened to me.'
With that, he walked off, hands in the pockets of his dirty jeans and disappeared down the alley.
I never saw him again.

Last night, I was at the store and ran into a girl that I dated back in school. We spent a few minutes catching up and then out of the blue, she asked if I had heard about Ben.
I told her about the last time I saw him and she said that he went to jail for domestic violence and, less than a week after getting out, he shot himself.
That was like a kick in the gut. Every detail of that meeting came flooding back to me- the way he looked- the way he sounded- the waves of hopelessness coming from him.
Such a waste of life. He was born into a good family, had every advantage possible, could have led a blessed life.
But addiction took that from him.
His last words to me keep running through my mind.
'Nothing bad ever happened to me.'

Rest in peace, buddy.
 
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Huckleberried

Huckleberried

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Wow. Thanks for sharing that ghost. I think we all know a Ben or two. So painful.



Sent from my stupid iPhone because I don't have an Android.
 
Mommay

Mommay

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I've met Ben - but more frequently, I've met his friend "It's not my fault." Everyone, be blessed.
 
kelli

kelli

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good morning, ghostly one. just read your story about ben. my heart hurts a little now. substance abuse is a monster. :(
 
kelli

kelli

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ghost62 said:
Sorry I missed your reply earlier.
How ya doing, hon?
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doin' pretty good, sweetie.....riding a little wave of hypomania. how you doin'?
 
ghost62

ghost62

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kelli said:
doin' pretty good, sweetie.....riding a little wave of hypomania. how you doin'?
Click to expand...
Work is crazy. Home is crazy. Friends are crazy.
Basically, it's same old, same old... :D

Haven't had too much time to post, but I've been lurking around. Hopefully things will settle down a bit soon. If not, oh well- I'll just join the crazies ;)
 
kelli

kelli

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ghost62 said:
Work is crazy. Home is crazy. Friends are crazy.
Basically, it's same old, same old... :D

Haven't had too much time to post, but I've been lurking around. Hopefully things will settle down a bit soon. If not, oh well- I'll just join the crazies ;)
Click to expand...

it's important for you to make a little "you" time. don't forget, ok?
 
ghost62

ghost62

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kelli said:
it's important for you to make a little "you" time. don't forget, ok?
Click to expand...
Off topic.
Did you get your iStick? Bought mine from the same eBay vendor on 9/22 and it came yesterday. Love the form and feel but the power is way off. I usually run between 9.0 and 10.5 watts.
Currently have it set on 6 watts and I'm burning juice. Same liquid, same tank and same head I just took off my MVP2...
 
kelli

kelli

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ghost62 said:
Off topic.
Did you get your iStick? Bought mine from the same eBay vendor on 9/22 and it came yesterday. Love the form and feel but the power is way off. I usually run between 9.0 and 10.5 watts.
Currently have it set on 6 watts and I'm burning juice. Same liquid, same tank and same head I just took off my MVP2...
Click to expand...

i did and mine seems to be fine. i don't run it as high as i did my MVP2, but not burned any juice yet. i have my 1.6 bvc mini nova set at 3.3 volts/6.8 watts and it's great. i saw a few people on the i-stick thread concerned about what you are talking about, but so far i haven't had those issues with either of mine. hmmmm.
 
bystander

bystander

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@ghost62 - thanks for sharing the story about Ben. If I recall correctly, you mentioned him in your own life story from before. Sad to hear he was as strong as you are - I believe you were his deputy, but it might have been too late for him. Please don't take it so hard, I'm sure there will be other Bens who would listen to you in the future - even though I know how much he meant to you in the past.
 
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