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Roasts, Insults, jokes, yo mama jokes, pick up lines.

blipt

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Greatest pickup lines of all time....

Hey baby why don't you come off that !#$$/ I know you got it on you

I'd walk threw 1000miles of broken glass just to hear you fart in a walk-e-talkie

Never had luck with either

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Saddletramp1200

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Member For 4 Years
Greatest pickup lines of all time....

Hey baby why don't you come off that !#$$/ I know you got it on you

I'd walk threw 1000miles of broken glass just to hear you fart in a walk-e-talkie

Never had luck with either

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Your that old, so am I, rotfl .... "Hold on to my ears, you won't fall off. :cool:
 

Kingboomer

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OK, so one night a long time ago I tried this on a dare. It was almost last call at the bar and I'm hammered and checking out this fine girl. I decided to play this song on the juke, thinking what the hell, right?


She got the hint, and put this song on:


...Needless to say I went home by myself that night :p
 

blipt

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Ok so there was this cowboy who rode into town and went in the mall a lady approached him and asked if he was a real cowboy....he said yes I wear the hat pants and the boots I round up cattle for a living i am a cowboy my horse is tied up outside. She said well I'll be I be never seen a real cowboy. He asked what are you she said well I'm a lesbian I go to sleep at night thinking about women wake up thinking about them dream about them all day and all night therefore I am a lesbian. The cowboy had never heard anything like that before it had made him start thinking..another lady came up and said hey your a real cowboy you got the boots pants and hat I bet you round up cattle for a living an hour horse is outside...the cowboy turned and looked at her and said I'm sorry mam but I'm a lesbian.

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MEENMAN83

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"How do you get a dog to quit humping your leg? Flip it over and suck it's dick.............................If you didnt laugh you're a fag"

You then see all the insecure guys do fake laughs it works like a charm.
 

Mike H.

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Two guys standing on a bridge, peeing...One says "man, that water is cold"...the other says "yea, and its deep to".
 
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blipt

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Hey honey I seen an old pair of your shorts today they asked when you were gonna wear them again I told them when you dropped 30lbs..........

Disclaimer I have only said this to my wife jokingly after we seen a video of a guy saying random stuff followed by him being in a casket with the song "I will remember you"

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Mike H.

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Im trying to see your point of view on things but, i cant seem to get my head that far up your ass.
 

Mike H.

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I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet. As we lay making love, I thought to myself "These taser guns are well worth the money."
 

jack

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Last night I was sitting with my kids, and told them I never want to be kept alive
with wires and a machine . I did not want liquids pumped into my body .
They got up , unplugged my computer and thru out my wine !
The little creeps .
 

Mike H.

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Yo mama so dumb, she stared at an OJ carton for two hours because it said "Concentrate" on it.
 

Deeks

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How can you tell when your girlfriend is getting fat?

...when she starts to fit into your wifes clothes.

Thankfully my wife actually thinks that joke is hilarious, oh and I'm the fat one not her lol.
 

thewanderernick

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They say chuck norris's tears can cure cancer... sadly chuck norris doesn't cry
 

thewanderernick

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Your mama is so fat she sat on a rainbow and skittles popped out.
 

thewanderernick

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Your mamas so fat I told her to haul ass and it took three trips
 

CTFX

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What do you call a blonde upside down? A brunette with bad breath.

Lol yikes
 

R3alJim Shady

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A pirate walks into a bar with a ship's wheel attached to his groin. He sits down awkwardly at a bar stool and say "I'll have me a rum and coke."
The bartender says, "Sure, but what's with the wheel? It looks really uncomfortable."

The pirate says, "Yaaaaar, it's drivin' me nuts!"


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Mike H.

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Yo mama so slow it takes her 2 hours to watch the show "60 minutes"
 

Whiskey

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@Teresa P so old ,she was born when the dead sea was still alive.

@Whiskey so old she witnessed the parting of the red sea

@Huckleberried so old she farts dust.
tumblr_lztpusNGWk1r5f1xwo1_500_zps8e867279.gif
 

Kingboomer

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Know how many kids with ADHD it takes to change a lightbulb?


WANNAGORIDEBIKES?!?!?!?!?!?


-Kingboomer
 
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Kingboomer

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Your daddy's so old that when Moses parted the red sea he was on the other side fishing :D


-Kingboomer
 

Mike H.

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Superman was flying over metropolis and saw wonder woman sun bathing on top of her penthouse..He thinks to himself "im so fast i could swoop down and get me some and she would never know what happened"....So,Superman swoops down and gets him some then flies off...Wonder woman says "What was that?"...The invisible man says " I dont know but my ass sure is sore."
 

Vapervader28

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A woman got pulled over for speeding by a California Highway Patrol motorcycle officer. When he walked up to her window and opened his ticket book she said, "I bet you're going to sell me tickets to the Highway Patrol Ball."

He replied, "No, Ma'am, highway patrolmen don't have balls." There followed a moment of silence while she smiled and he realized what he had said. Without saying another word, he closed his book, got back on his motorcycle and left.
 
I figured this could be a fun thread to catch a laugh or two..Please keep it all in fun.

I guess ill start with a "face slapper" pick up line.

Damn girl, your parents must have been chicken farmers, cuz you sure know how to raise a cawk.:eek:

This is hands down the most Epic compilation of fu**ed up pickup lines Ive ever seen...this dude is on a different level. REMOVED BY STAFF
 
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CrazyChef

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Yo mama so stupid, she put a quarter in each ear and thought she was listening to 50 Cent
 

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