This is hard. Prior to this post the only other one who knew besides me, was my best friend. My drug of choice was painkillers. I've quit two different times, from two different drugs. Vicodin the first time in mid 2001 after a suicide attempt, that was more of a cry for help than an honest attempt. I got help, I got better, for a time. Then I got hurt in 2004 at work, and spent 18 months in worker's comp limbo-hell due to a nearly catastrophic knee injury. There were lots of strong drugs, it wasn't the strongest among them that was my issue, even had vicodin for a time, and it never did to me what it did in 2001. Wasn't even the Fentanyl patches. Tramadol is the hardest thing I've ever quit. I know I'm not nearly as strong as those who have given up illegal drugs. Depression and painkillers don't mix. I sought help, when I knew I was getting near that slope again. It took me 2 years and 5 tries to get over the withdrawal side effects of going off the tramadol. I told myself I wasn't taking more than the prescribed dose, it wouldn't be that bad. I fooled myself. My best friend checked in almost daily, "How many hours?" "How many days?" "How many weeks?" And she was there for me, trying to help me get over the need to have that drug in my system. My last day was May 4th 2011, I don't celebrate it, I've had to have painkillers since. I just don't let them own me anymore. I take them for the duration of the prescription and I stop. My dentist is on familiar ground with me not wanting to take his offer of a 5 day supply of relief. He gives them to me. I get them filled, I don't take them unless I can't bear not to. Usually I take advil, or tylenol, or aspirin, that's it. I was surprised when my best friend called this year around my anniversary and said "I know you've had dental surgery, I doubt you took the painkillers, but I hope you did, and have a good anniversary, they don't own you anymore." My drugs of choice weren't illegal, as someone else said, it doesn't have to be illegal to be a problem. I don't celebrate mine, I don't talk about it, unless I think someone needs to hear my story. I'll gladly talk about the 3 bouts with depression, the miscarriage preceding my suicide attempt, the emotional abuse at the hands of my ex-husband, I just don't talk about the pills.
, or relax and read a book. If you have the space for gardening, mayhap becoming one with mother nature will help you out. Distracting ourselves from the things that cause us anxiety, when we can, can be extremely helpful and healing. You learn to control the situation instead of the situation controlling you. As for being banned, the only persons actions you can control is your own. When some entity is more concerned over petty bullshit than the truth, they are not worth the time nor the energy to consider.
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