The Light at the End of the Tunnel

[Hobby Kid]

It's really good that vapingunderground has this thread (or room). I belong to rc and software forums too, and a flashlight one but I never post there. Anyway, all their rooms are about those topics. They may have one off topic lounge but that's about it.

The vape world has expanded and we're setting the standard here by recognising that there's more to us than just our given interest. Vape is beginning to stand for more than just tooting on tubes and boxes. It's a refuge and home, a family as well. For many of us we went in harms way and will always bare the scars of a troubled life and the sadness that it brings. Addiction is a powerful thing and I have witnessed that the human soul is not that strong when it has to go it alone.

Our community, and there are many of us joining daily, will come from all walks of like. From the top to the bottom and all the way around. If there's one thing I know it's this: we need one another to survive. You need friends. In numbers there's strength. When you fight alone you consume yourself. Words are like scars. They remain long after regret.

I offer a really big thank you to the vaporjoe network for help being part of this new life and allowing us to have this forum and rooms like these. For all the forums I belong to I don't visit them that much these days because I know when I come to vape I'm coming in from the cold. I can put up my feet. Someone is going to take me seriously. Someone is going to make me laugh. And someone is going to believe in me.

 

[VapingHippie]

Yeah last time I was on painkillers, they had me on 60mg oxycontin. That worker for about a month then I started to build a tolerance to them (remember I'm a recovered ****** addict) . Now here I was taking synthetic ******. Next thing I know I'm doubling up on the dose. Then every morning I would wake up with my old friend, dope sickness.
back to cutting it cold Turkey.
At least the course of treatment, albeit self medicating keeps my pain issues down to bearable levels.

At least Texas will allow a medical necessity defense if I get busted.

 

[Huckleberried]

Beautiful.

It's really good that vapingunderground has this thread (or room). I belong to rc and software forums too, and a flashlight one but I never post there. Anyway, all their rooms are about those topics. They may have one off topic lounge but that's about it.

The vape world has expanded and we're setting the standard here by recognising that there's more to us than just our given interest. Vape is beginning to stand for more than just tooting on tubes and boxes. It's a refuge and home, a family as well. For many of us we went in harms way and will always bare the scars of a troubled life and the sadness that it brings. Addiction is a powerful thing and I have witnessed that the human soul is not that strong when it has to go it alone.

Our community, and there are many of us joining daily, will come from all walks of like. From the top to the bottom and all the way around. If there's one thing I know it's this: we need one another to survive. You need friends. In numbers there's strength. When you fight alone you consume yourself. Words are like scars. They remain long after regret.

I offer a really big thank you to the vaporjoe network for help being part of this new life and allowing us to have this forum and rooms like these. For all the forums I belong to I don't visit them that much these days because I know when I come to vape I'm coming in from the cold. I can put up my feet. Someone is going to take me seriously. Someone is going to make me laugh. And someone is going to believe in me.

 

[ghost62]

I have to say that my hat is off to all of you! I lost a sister in law in April at the age of 49, she had a long history of addiction to pain meds. It started with an ignorant doctor that pushed and pushed the meds. Her husband is a police officer and did everything he could to support her. Unfortunately, the years of drug use had taken it's toll on her body.

We had many conversations about the meds, since if am prescribed some high does of the fentynal patch along with pills to combat my RSD. One thanksgiving I had forgotten to refill my script and all I can say is what I went through was pure hell. Later my dr told me if it ever happened again to go to the ER, because going cold turkey from the meds could give you a heart attack and kill you. I said to my husband then it's no wonder people have such a hard time on these meds and getting off drugs, those few days I wished I was dead.

After spending the summer with my sister in law, my meds really started to scare my 21 year old. She called my doctor, who offered to sit down and talk with her about them. It didn't help her that our local paper has been putting these shady pain clinics in the spot light, that scared her to death.

I am lucky I have a family that pays attention and a doctor that does random frequent drug tests to make sure that 1. I don't have too much of anything prescribed in my system. 2. Nothing is there that isn't supposed to be. And 3. That I have enough in my system (proves I am not selling it).

I am a teacher with a progressive disease and it scares the hell out of me, too many people get addicted through the path I am on. However, for now under strict care of a specialist they have given me the ability to continue to work, until the disease takes that from me. I will never forget my sister in laws words of advise and warning signs she laid out for me, and will always be grateful to her for sharing that with me.

When I read your posts, I think but for the grace of God there go I, as someone else also mentioned. I wish you all nothing but the best in life and commend all of you for sharing your stories.

It was because of an addict like yourself, that my husband and I have learned the warning signs to look for that will keep me from crossing that line. Unfortunately there are people that me that need these drugs but the line between medication and addiction is a faint one, one I hope to never cross. My best to all of you!

Glad you found us.
One of the readings that we begin each meeting with tells us that we keep what we have only with vigilance. Sounds like you are being very vigilant to keep things from getting out of control. I know a few people that could have benefited from your example.
Stay sharp and pay attention to what your body is telling you. Maybe talk to your physician about the effects of reducing the meds or alternate methods of pain management.
But again, please stay on top of it like you're doing. Keep your family in the loop about not just your meds but how you're feeling. Ask lots of questions when you see your doctor and learn what to watch for.
It can happen quick.
Said it already, but I'm glad you're here!

 

[ghost62]

It's really good that vapingunderground has this thread (or room). I belong to rc and software forums too, and a flashlight one but I never post there. Anyway, all their rooms are about those topics. They may have one off topic lounge but that's about it.

The vape world has expanded and we're setting the standard here by recognising that there's more to us than just our given interest. Vape is beginning to stand for more than just tooting on tubes and boxes. It's a refuge and home, a family as well. For many of us we went in harms way and will always bare the scars of a troubled life and the sadness that it brings. Addiction is a powerful thing and I have witnessed that the human soul is not that strong when it has to go it alone.

Our community, and there are many of us joining daily, will come from all walks of like. From the top to the bottom and all the way around. If there's one thing I know it's this: we need one another to survive. You need friends. In numbers there's strength. When you fight alone you consume yourself. Words are like scars. They remain long after regret.

I offer a really big thank you to the vaporjoe network for help being part of this new life and allowing us to have this forum and rooms like these. For all the forums I belong to I don't visit them that much these days because I know when I come to vape I'm coming in from the cold. I can put up my feet. Someone is going to take me seriously. Someone is going to make me laugh. And someone is going to believe in me.

I'm grateful I've gotten to know you a bit and I always look for your posts because we share the same slightly warped (ok- maybe VERY warped) sense of humor but we can also discuss matters of more gravity.
I too feel the vaping community is something unique. I've had total strangers approach me about what gear I'm using or what juice I'm vaping. And I've done it on more than one occasion. It almost feels like a family.
We say hello as strangers and say goodbye as friends. Pretty cool.
Pretty freaking cool...

 

[ghost62]

There are definitely cases where "copious quantities" of painkillers are a real necessity. My knee injury in 2004, I blew my quad tendon and my LCL & MCL. This normally only happens to pro football players or wrestlers (or klutzy deli clerks apparently). Having a doctor who knew my history, and knew that I'd had painkiller issues in the past kept in touch. Unlike the miscarriage instance where my doctor just stopped treating me and completely missed a diagnosis. Finding a good doctor, who isn't out to get you hooked on the drugs his brother-in-law the pharmaceutical rep sells, is one of the hardest things to find. I had an upstairs neighbor until 2003 who had broken her spine in 3 places while driving for her job - 18 years ago, she'd been fighting a worker's comp case for that long. She'd had surgeries but her spinal cord was causing phantom pain, over-threshold pain and for which almost nothing worked. She was on such a pharmaceutical load she was also on a prescription of methadone do keep her body from killing her from the narcotics she was taking. She finally found help outside of medications through an acupuncturist, which at that point there wasn't much left to her that would work.

Finding a doctor who knows you and your history and understands goes a long way to helping the issue not become a problem.

Cool. You're still here.

 

[Damwow]

My words to my doc were.. I am a mother and a teacher, I don't want to be an addict. He did tell me that there was a theory behind the mind set but also told me that there is a time when the med will plateau and when the feelings of the med would wear off and he could tell the difference if I complained.. Sure you understand what I mean. I have been through nerve blocks, one thru the crazy 2nd dr. In which he hit my sciatic nerve. I was in hell!!! Been through three with this doctor, also on some non narcotic meds, but vigilant.... Yes my entire family is!!! Thank you for the advice you can never be too comfortable when on this stuff,

 

[Fishee]

I can't begin to tell all of you how important this thread has become to me.
I get home from work late at night and this is the first place I come to.
I read through the new posts for the day and I see more folks stopping in saying howdy.
I see sweet Frawg's post and am so happy to see her still here.
I read through these new posts and I am almost moved to tears.
I can't begin to express my appreciation for you people and this forum and this thread.
You folks are beautiful and I'm honored to be of acquaintance with you all.

 

[cigarbabe]

It's so amazing that you have all chosen to share here in this little haven from all the nastiness the world has to offer.
I'm thrilled you're all still here and that you feel safe enough to share with each other.
You've all done such amazing work so I just want to say kudos and give a hug to each and every one of you!
Blessed Be to all.........
C.B.

 

[Frawg]

A couple songs that helped me a lot might help someone else -

This is one song got me through the crap my ex-husband put me through.
This song I found as a result of the previous one:

 

[ghost62]

A couple songs that helped me a lot might help someone else -

This is one song got me through the crap my ex-husband put me through.
This song I found as a result of the previous one:

Never heard them but I am definitely going to have to search out some more! Thanks!

 

[VapingHippie]

Good morning

 

[Hobby Kid]

Good morning
View attachment 3491

I really like that post too. Looks like it's found a friend for life. A big "like" for the post!

 

[ghost62]

Daily meditation

http://www.jftna.org/jft/

 

[ghost62]

I like this meditation today.
Early on in recovery, I only thought about praying when I was trying to 'cut a deal'.
'If you get me out of this, I swear I'll never...' kinda thing.
I didn't really understand my Higher Power. Now I know He's NOT an ATM machine, a lawyer, or a babysitter. I have to face the consequences of my actions and make amends.
Today, I thank my Higher Power much more often than I ask for something. He's never promised that life would be easy but He will give me the strength to get thru whatever challenges I face.

 

[Fishee]

I like this meditation today.
Early on in recovery, I only thought about praying when I was trying to 'cut a deal'.
'If you get me out of this, I swear I'll never...' kinda thing.
I didn't really understand my Higher Power. Now I know He's NOT an ATM machine, a lawyer, or a babysitter. I have to face the consequences of my actions and make amends.
Today, I thank my Higher Power much more often than I ask for something. He's never promised that life would be easy but He will give me the strength to get thru whatever challenges I face.

That there is some good stuff brother!

 

[VapingHippie]

 

[BUDKISS]

Just though i would share this morning. Hope that is ok.

I am C&S for almost 7 months (opiates, coke, alcohol). I hit several meetings a week and do service work (have a sponsee, chair two meetings a week and go to mental health unit to lead a panel discussion on D&A.

I have had a run of bad luck (if you believe in luck) with sponsorship. My first sponsor went out after 10 years within a week of getting him. My 2nd sponsor has been awol from meetings for the last 6 weeks (apparently he is cured). On Sat I picked up a new sponsor. He has 38 years. I am so relieved to get one i can work with and get back to some step work cause i have been a bit frustrated and impatient lately.

The kids are back in school now and I have way too much free time on my hands. That combined with money in my pocket is a BAD combination for me. (Can anyone relate?).

I am really grateful for this thread. It has been super helpful to me.

 

[Fishee]

Just though i would share this morning. Hope that is ok.

I am C&S for almost 7 months (opiates, coke, alcohol). I hit several meetings a week and do service work (have a sponsee, chair two meetings a week and go to mental health unit to lead a panel discussion on D&A.

I have had a run of bad luck (if you believe in luck) with sponsorship. My first sponsor went out after 10 years within a week of getting him. My 2nd sponsor has been awol from meetings for the last 6 weeks (apparently he is cured). On Sat I picked up a new sponsor. He has 38 years. I am so relieved to get one i can work with and get back to some step work cause i have been a bit frustrated and impatient lately.

The kids are back in school now and I have way too much free time on my hands. That combined with money in my pocket is a BAD combination for me. (Can anyone relate?).

I am really grateful for this thread. It has been super helpful to me.

I wish I could say that I do relate with you. But I have never dealt with a sponsor.
I'm glad to hear you got a new sponsor that you will be able to get somewhere with.
I know having support and understanding from people is crucial for me.
I hope you find a good outlet for your time and money. Maybe going to that next level in your vaping would be a good idea.
I'm just glad you're here and that you're posting

I go in for my random UA today. It's always a good feeling for me to know I'm submitting a clean UA.
It is another opportunity to be proud of where I've come from and a good feeling of accomplishment and determination.
Hope you all have a good day

 

[ghost62]

Just though i would share this morning. Hope that is ok.

I am C&S for almost 7 months (opiates, coke, alcohol). I hit several meetings a week and do service work (have a sponsee, chair two meetings a week and go to mental health unit to lead a panel discussion on D&A.

I have had a run of bad luck (if you believe in luck) with sponsorship. My first sponsor went out after 10 years within a week of getting him. My 2nd sponsor has been awol from meetings for the last 6 weeks (apparently he is cured). On Sat I picked up a new sponsor. He has 38 years. I am so relieved to get one i can work with and get back to some step work cause i have been a bit frustrated and impatient lately.

The kids are back in school now and I have way too much free time on my hands. That combined with money in my pocket is a BAD combination for me. (Can anyone relate?).

I am really grateful for this thread. It has been super helpful to me.

Good morning!
Free time and money can be a HUGE trigger for a lot of us. It helps me to view the fact that I have either as a blessing. And what is the best thing to do when we realize we've been blessed?
Gratitude prayer.
Say thanks to your HP until you no longer see them as a source of anxiety.
That will bring the longest lasting results but there are measures that work quickly and are easy to put into place-
1. Don't keep cash, not even an emergency stash. Put it in the bank to remove that trigger and leave the ATM card at home when you go out unless you have a specific, concrete and REAL need to have it on you.
2- Get busy. Where the hands lead, the mind will follow. Make 3 To Do lists. The first should be easy tasks (5 - 15 minutes to accomplish). The second list should be longer, more involved tasks and the last one should be a 'For You' list. These should be things that you do just for you (a hot soak in the tub, watching a favorite show, a walk in the park, making something really good to eat. It's up to you add long as it keeps you from wanting to use)
For every 4 small tasks or 2 larger ones, reward yourself with something you want to do.
Breaking that triggered mindset is easy but ya gotta have a plan on how to do it. The lists work really well for me.
Good luck both with that and the sponsorship issues- sometimes it takes a while but hang in there

 

[ghost62]

Daily meditation

http://www.jftna.org/jft/

 

[ghost62]

I go in for my random UA today. It's always a good feeling for me to know I'm submitting a clean UA.
It is another opportunity to be proud of where I've come from and a good feeling of accomplishment and determination.
Hope you all have a good day

Hahaha! I feel the same way every time I get pulled over at a sobriety checkpoint!

 

[Fishee]

Hahaha! I feel the same way every time I get pulled over at a sobriety checkpoint!

Exactly!
And it's so nice to not have that fear when a cop is driving behind you.

 

[BUDKISS]

thanks gang. good advice.
I DO have a plan for the day when the stinkin' postman arrives. ARGGGH!

I have an AQUA, a TAIFUN GT and an INFINITE CLT rda coming today (as well as VaporSKins and Jwraps coming for my new box mod).
I am looking forward to building a qaud coil with twisted 28 kanthal A1 today. A sub ohm build for my ipv2.
This should occupy my time for a little while.
Wish i had another vape enthusiast here with me to share in the fun.

 

[ghost62]

Exactly!
And it's so nice to not have that fear when a cop is driving behind you.

I know!
I was fortunate enough to never serve any serious time behind bars but officers always made me nervous.
Now, as kind of a warped joke, my text alert is a siren. That way I can always spot the people with warrants- they're the ones that look panicked when I get a text!
It's become a running gag before meetings. If your flinch when my alert goes off then you have to clean up after the meeting!

 

[ghost62]

thanks gang. good advice.
I DO have a plan for the day when the stinkin' postman arrives. ARGGGH!

I have an AQUA, a TAIFUN GT and an INFINITE CLT rda coming today (as well as VaporSKins and Jwraps coming for my new box mod).
I am looking forward to building a qaud coil with twisted 28 kanthal A1 today. A sub ohm build for my ipv2.
This should occupy my time for a little while.
Wish i had another vape enthusiast here with me to share in the fun.

Cool plan. I'm envious. Post some pics of the quad coil so I can drool!

 

[ghost62]

thanks gang. good advice.
I DO have a plan for the day when the stinkin' postman arrives. ARGGGH!

I have an AQUA, a TAIFUN GT and an INFINITE CLT rda coming today (as well as VaporSKins and Jwraps coming for my new box mod).
I am looking forward to building a qaud coil with twisted 28 kanthal A1 today. A sub ohm build for my ipv2.
This should occupy my time for a little while.
Wish i had another vape enthusiast here with me to share in the fun.

Speaking of other vapers...
I didn't think there were that many where I live and that the ones that were here were still at the eGo and generic CE2 level (based on what the two shops in town sell). I've had a surprising number of people approach me and ask about what kind of mod I was carrying, or even more shocking, ask me about my coil build.
Now I make it a point to 'nonchalantly' carry a mod with me in my hand- nothing too exotic, but a solid mid-level setup- usually a copper nemmy with an RBA or a kicked Chi You with an Aerotank.
I've made several contacts here in town, all at different skill levels and I stay in contact with all of them.
I've only gotten together with one so far, but it could turn into a real group, which would be very cool. I have a few years experience to share and I'm always grateful to learn from others.
That might be a way for you to meet dinner people that share your passion.
Just an idea...

 

[kelli]

hope everyone is having a good day today.

 

[ghost62]

hope everyone is having a good day today. View attachment 3550

Hi Kelli!
Good to see ya here again!

 

[kelli]

Hi Kelli!
Good to see ya here again!

thanks, sweetie.

 

[ghost62]

thanks, sweetie.

Always a pleasure. I trust your day is going well?

 

[kelli]

Always a pleasure. I trust your day is going well?

not too bad. back at work after 3 days off, so kinda rough getting back into the swing.

 

[ghost62]

not too bad. back at work after 3 days off, so kinda rough getting back into the swing.

That bites.
I used to work four ten hour days and then three off. I always dreaded going back.

 

[Hobby Kid]

That puts you 5 hours ahead of me until the time changes late fall.
Considering some of the times you've posted, you must not sleep much!
Either that, or you have an entirely screwy schedule like I do.

Hey, well it's a bit of both really. My fault though. Sometimes if I'm doing something over the net I don't wanna let it go till I'm done. I've done things that way for so long that I don't have a normal 12/12 body clock. Last night I fell asleep on my sofa in the middle of the evening and woke up at 1am I think and I'd dribbled in my sleep and my shoulder was soaked lol

 

[ghost62]

Hey, well it's a bit of both really. My fault though. Sometimes if I'm doing something over the net I don't wanna let it go till I'm done. I've done things that way for so long that I don't have a normal 12/12 body clock. Last night I fell asleep on my sofa in the middle of the evening and woke up at 1am I think and I'd dribbled in my sleep and my shoulder was soaked lol

Hahaha! Been there done that!
I'm a terrible insomniac but when my body says it's finally time to sleep...
Well, let's just say I've fallen asleep in some pretty weird places. Most recently, I was at the dentist for a cleaning and feel asleep in the chair waiting for him.

 

[kelli]

you must be a prolific dribbler.

 

[ghost62]

you must be a prolific dribbler. View attachment 3553

I've been called worse.
Today

 

[Hobby Kid]

you must be a prolific dribbler. View attachment 3553

I am All the time. Idk why lol. I accidentally dribble down my driptip sometimes and get gurgling. I popped a coil doing that once

 

[BUDKISS]

Super excited when I got my shipping package today.
I spent over an hour building new coils for my new: aqua, taifun GT, inifinte CLT RDA, and Kayfun lite plus v2.
I confess, the aqua gave me the most challenge.
I got wraps for my iPV2 from vaporskinz and jwraps but I have been so busy I haven't gotten a chance to review them. (stay tuned)

 

[Tornadoalleydeb]

Waving to all and hugs across the miles ( gawd, how sappy of me) Deb here, alcoholic/addict C&S since 2002. Thank you so much for the thread. It's nice to have a place to hang out with others that are like me. Especially being at home full time now due to medical nonsense. I have become somewhat of a recluse, so this thread is greatly appreciated.

 

[Alan Woltemath]

Waving to all and hugs across the miles ( gawd, how sappy of me) Deb here, alcoholic/addict C&S since 2002. Thank you so much for the thread. It's nice to have a place to hang out with others that are like me. Especially being at home full time now due to medical nonsense. I have become somewhat of a recluse, so this thread is greatly appreciated.

Welcome, Its so good to have you here with us.

 

[ghost62]

Waving to all and hugs across the miles ( gawd, how sappy of me) Deb here, alcoholic/addict C&S since 2002. Thank you so much for the thread. It's nice to have a place to hang out with others that are like me. Especially being at home full time now due to medical nonsense. I have become somewhat of a recluse, so this thread is greatly appreciated.

Hug back at ya!
Glad you found us.

 

[Tornadoalleydeb]

Thanks Ghost and Alan. I am too!

 

[ghost62]

Daily meditation

http://www.jftna.org/jft/

 

[ghost62]

It's kinda funny (in a sad sort of way) that at the beginning of our using career, we will drink two beers and tell everyone it was ten.
Then, toward the end of our drinking, we'll have ten and tell everyone it was only two...

 

[Fishee]

It's kinda funny (in a sad sort of way) that at the beginning of our using career, we will drink two beers and tell everyone it was ten.
Then, toward the end of our drinking, we'll have ten and tell everyone it was only two...

Pride has got me in too many predicaments.
Too proud to admit I was a "light weight"
And then too proud to admit that I was a drunkard.
I'm not really a big fan of my own self-pride.
But I am proud of who I have become and who I intend on becoming.

 

[Fishee]

Waving to all and hugs across the miles ( gawd, how sappy of me) Deb here, alcoholic/addict C&S since 2002. Thank you so much for the thread. It's nice to have a place to hang out with others that are like me. Especially being at home full time now due to medical nonsense. I have become somewhat of a recluse, so this thread is greatly appreciated.

HI Deb thanks for introducing yourself. It really is nice to have you join us.

 

[ghost62]

Just got off the phone with another addict, three weeks clean and he's having 'relationship' issues.
His track record is like mine was- I changed girlfriends as often as I changed the channel on TV. He thinks, as many of us do, that he NEEDS to be in a relationship to be complete.
Now that he's not hanging around the same old crowd, the only girls he comes in contact with on a regular basis are also in recovery and I can't get it through his head that sick + sick = sicker.
And that equation is playing out in his life right now.
When I came into recovery, I couldn't let anyone else know the real me because I had no idea who the real me was. I thought I was capable of caring, but all I really cared about was me. Of course, I couldn't see that...
My first sponsor told me something that has stuck with me to this day-
If I'm still sick and still carrying around 40 years worth of baggage, why, if I claimed to care about someone, would I subject them to that hell?
It took me almost two years to learn that a healthy relationship is based on honesty, trust and, most importantly, starts with two healthy people.
Guess we all have to make our mistakes...

 

[VapingHippie]

Honestly an addict needs to love him or her self before they can love someone else. If an addict doesn't learn this lesson it will just create codependency.

 

[Tornadoalleydeb]

Yawn..............Good morning God. Oh! This is so much better than saying, Good god, it's morning Happy day to all


It's frustrating to watch others head for the same mistakes we made. All you can do is be the guide @ghost62 It's up to him to pick up the guide and read it, but you already know this. Still, I'm sorry. The light could come on in time though, I have seen it before.