USAF 10/10 Rule

[The Juice Loosener]

I'm not former military, so I apologize if I'm not supposed to post here, but I have an Air Force-related question and figured this was the place to go for an answer. Also, my father conducted the US Army Band for Nixon, Ford, and Carter so I'm at least connected to the service, if not an actual member.

Anyway, my wife is going through a wicked custody battle and trying to get her original divorce decree modified or completely vacated. Part of that decree, written by her ex-husband (who two unrelated psychologists have told us shows all the symptoms of suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder, one of whom gave him a personality test that showed the same) using legalzoom.com rather than the free legal aid from the Air Force, told her she wasn't entitled to any of his military retirement even though they were married for 12 of his 20 years in the Air Force. She's the trusting sort and she believed him, so she got cut out of her 50% of 12 years of his retirement at the rank of Captain. My question is this: Is there any way he was actually unaware of the 10/10 rule at the time he told her she wasn't due any of his military retirement, or is it common knowledge among members of the Air Force and highly unlikely that he was unaware. We know he was lying because he claimed to have asked the JAG corps about it and received that response, but is it possible that he just didn't check up on it and didn't know she was due half his retirement for the duration of their marriage during his service, or was he likely fully aware of the 10/10 rule and lying through his teeth?

He has since changed his story, btw, and now claims she felt terrible about a past indiscretion on her part and she stated she didn't want any of his retirement because of her guilt. That happened 7 years before he became physically abusive and she filed for divorce, so the likelihood of his new version of events is even less plausible than his first one. Any advice/experience here would be greatly appreciated.

 

[joeyboy]

I don't think the reasons matter. 10 years is 10 years. Sounds like an incompetent lawyer.

 

[joeyboy]

Also, that rule raises quite the contention.

 

[ayersbj]

Yeah 10/10 is universal throughout all branches of service. Don't know what she can do about it now tho. Papers done. That would be a JAG question and VA.

 

[ayersbj]

Also just to throw this in.... Rule was really done to help the children not really for the spouse but evolved somehow over time. Such a shame.

 

[The Juice Loosener]

I don't think the reasons matter. 10 years is 10 years. Sounds like an incompetent lawyer.

My wife was unemployed at the time of the divorce. She had been a stay at home mom so she didn't have the money for a lawyer at the time of their divorce. Plus, although she didn't think he would do right by her, she didn't believe he would screw over his own children like he did. He put false numbers into the Oklahoma Child Support Calculator so that he only had to pay $200/month for TWO children. He has since taken the girls off his life insurance. He's been verbally and physically abusive. I could go on for days, but suffice it to say he's a scumbag. Oh, and did I mention he's epileptic, a disease that would preclude him from military service IF he actually told them about it instead of going to overseas internet pharmacies to self-medicate in order to avoid having a seizure on the job? My wife's only mistake was being too trusting.

That's a mistake we aren't going to make this time around. We have two attorneys. One was a family court judge for 30 years and the other has won multiple cases in the Supreme Court. Yes, THAT Supreme Court. His attorney is 25. Hahaha. If he's dumb enough to take the stand, it's going to be among the worst experiences of his life, right between the day his vasectomy went south, leaving him impotent (yes, that happened), and the day his mother is going to die. Our court date just got moved from March to May. Keep your fingers crossed the judge vacates the original decree so we can get what my wife is due from his military retirement and pepper child support. Don't worry, unlike him we're going to do right by the girls. All of that money goes into their college funds, and then two savings accounts for their eventual retirement.



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[The Juice Loosener]

Also just to throw this in.... Rule was really done to help the children not really for the spouse but evolved somehow over time. Such a shame.

Agreed. See above. We're using every dime we get from him for the girls. We both have good jobs and don't need it to live well enough. Where it's needed is when a wife stays home to raise the children, saving no money for a retirement of her own, then she gets dumped for a younger (and in this case MUCH fatter) model. It's hardly fair to leave her with nothing when there's no way the member would have reached the rank they did is they had to take care of two kids. Forget promoting below the zone, they might not promote at all!

In the case of a family with no kids, however, the spouse shouldn't get a dime of the member's retirement.

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[ayersbj]

Agreed. See above. We're using every dime we get from him for the girls. We both have good jobs and don't need it to live well enough. Where it's needed is when a wife stays home to raise the children, saving no money for a retirement of her own, then she gets dumped for a younger (and in this case MUCH fatter) model. It's hardly fair to leave her with nothing when there's no way the member would have reached the rank they did is they had to take care of two kids. Forget promoting below the zone, they might not promote at all!

In the case of a family with no kids, however, the spouse shouldn't get a dime of the member's retirement.

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Thats good deadbeats are deadbeats service or not.

 

[The Juice Loosener]

Thats good deadbeats are deadbeats service or not.

So true. MY cousin flies C-17s as a Major and he's one of the most stand-up guys you could ever meet. The Air Force didn't make my wife's ex into a Narcissistic POS. He was that way long before he enlisted. Both parties agreed to mediate the custody and visitation issues. He got caught lying to the mediator's face. Needless to say, my wife won on EVERY issue in dispute that day. Now let's just hope the court date goes the same way!

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[ayersbj]

So true. MY cousin flies C-17s as a Major and he's one of the most stand-up guys you could ever meet. The Air Force didn't make my wife's ex into a Narcissistic POS. He was that way long before he enlisted. Both parties agreed to mediate the custody and visitation issues. He got caught lying to the mediator's face. Needless to say, my wife won on EVERY issue in dispute that day. Now let's just hope the court date goes the same way!

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I hope so. Some people forget that divorce involves more then just two people and the ones that are really hurt are the children. Any person male or female. Who can't take their share of responsibilities deserve what the courts decree.

 

[The Juice Loosener]

I hope so. Some people forget that divorce involves more then just two people and the ones that are really hurt are the children. Any person male or female. Who can't take their share of responsibilities deserve what the courts decree.

Well, it gets worse. We just found out he has thrown one of the girls against the wall when he was mad at her. He also regularly sits on them with all his weight (he's 6'5", 240 lbs.) and places one hand behind the girls' necks and the other over their mouths and noses if they're throwing a tantrum or yelling back at him in order to make them quiet. The youngest reported to her court appointed counselor that she can't breath when he does it and she has to claw at his hand to pull it away so she can draw air through her nose. We're going to have an emergency visitation cessation placed against their dad so they won't have to spend any more time at his house for now. Eventually, we intend to limit him to supervised visitation and we're going to seek sole custody.

We always wondered why the girls started to throw fits and get extremely emotional in the week before they had to go down to visit him, then they would FaceTime us from here crying and begging to come home. Of course we couldn't just stop allowing him visitation because the girls were upset or my wife would have gone to jail and lost custody, but now we know why they were acting out and we can legally stop his visitation. Thank God! I'm not sure why it took them so long to come out with this, other than the fact that they've admitted they're terrified of their father. That fear must have kept them from bringing up the abuse until now. However, it's on the record with their counselor and he is going to report the abuse to the court and testify, if necessary. His days of seeing the girls without a psychologist or cop present are over and he doesn't stand a chance at keeping all of his retirement.

Thanks everybody for all your help and concern!

 

[ayersbj]

good.

 

[MEENMAN83]

Try having your wife call DMDC and have them update the DEERS system. She won't get medical anymore because she remarried however the children will get it until they are 21 years old and 4 more years if they are full time college students. She can also try a VSO at the VA. They might be able shed some light. I also think the rule might be 15/20. As they had to be married for 15 of the 20 years. I might be mistaken as I have not messed with DEERS system for a while. Also try having her call DFAS Indianna as they deal with th retirement pay issues. Also if his VA payment overrides his retired pay she can't technically touch it as it is sort of clauses as disability pay. However VA does pay for the dependents so the children should get some of that. Hopefully that help just try and stay sane and b patient - smooth is slow and slow is smooth. I am still messing with the va for over two years. But first thing is call DFAS and then DMDC/DEERS. Good luck brother

 

[MyMagicMist]

Well, it gets worse. We just found out he has thrown one of the girls against the wall when he was mad at her. He also regularly sits on them with all his weight (he's 6'5", 240 lbs.) and places one hand behind the girls' necks and the other over their mouths and noses if they're throwing a tantrum or yelling back at him in order to make them quiet. The youngest reported to her court appointed counselor that she can't breath when he does it and she has to claw at his hand to pull it away so she can draw air through her nose. We're going to have an emergency visitation cessation placed against their dad so they won't have to spend any more time at his house for now. Eventually, we intend to limit him to supervised visitation and we're going to seek sole custody.

We always wondered why the girls started to throw fits and get extremely emotional in the week before they had to go down to visit him, then they would FaceTime us from here crying and begging to come home. Of course we couldn't just stop allowing him visitation because the girls were upset or my wife would have gone to jail and lost custody, but now we know why they were acting out and we can legally stop his visitation. Thank God! I'm not sure why it took them so long to come out with this, other than the fact that they've admitted they're terrified of their father. That fear must have kept them from bringing up the abuse until now. However, it's on the record with their counselor and he is going to report the abuse to the court and testify, if necessary. His days of seeing the girls without a psychologist or cop present are over and he doesn't stand a chance at keeping all of his retirement.

Thanks everybody for all your help and concern!

You may also consider writing a polite letter to explain everything to the chaplain at his last station of duty. Write to the station/base's address using "Attention: Chaplain", it will go to the chief chaplain of the base. Chaplains in the military are simply universal religiously,meaning it does not matter what faith, chaplains act as spiritual counsel.

That my include further advise upon addressing matters legally, 'words' with the base commander, 'words' with various and sundry military legal officials. Chaplains are discrete and diplomatic in handling such matters, can see to it any child abuse is investigated and dealt with in all due haste and responsibility. If that fails remedy, chaplains can at their discretion seek alternate means to dispatch problems, and quite a few military folk have no difficulty being accommodating for chaplains.