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What happens when you go to heaven?

pulsevape

Diamond Contributor
Member For 4 Years
and the fish are always rising.

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gakudzu

Gold Contributor
Member For 3 Years
Member For 2 Years
Reminds me of the old joke about the guy who died, then found himself standing outside a grand beachfront resort. A dapper gent, with a bikini clad girl on each arm, comes out to greet him and invites him in. He gazes around in amazement at the fancy resort and scantily clad, suntanned young bodies frolicking around the place. His guide ushers him through and into a courtyard shaded by lush palms, where he seets him at a table with the most beautiful blonde goddess he's ever seen. Giving him a sly smile, the blonde pops the cork from a chilled bottle of champagne, the man turns to host and asks, "Is this Heaven?". His host replies, "No, sir. This is Hell". Rather taken aback, the newcomer stammers, "But it's so lovely, and the women are so beautiful...I don't understand why I've always been told Hell was so awful". To which his host replies, with a wry grin, "Ah, yes. Well you see, sir, that bottle has a hole in it...but the blonde doesn't."
 

UncleRJ

Will write reviews for Beer!
Staff member
Senior Moderator
VU Donator
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Member For 4 Years
ECF Refugee
Reviewer
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A old married couple die in a car crash and go to heaven after a day on the golf course.

St. Peter greet's them at the pearly gates and invites them into the most beautiful golf course and country club that they could ever imagine.

While they are sitting down to a 5 star lunch beside the pool, angels arrive with a luxury golf cart and a set of amazing golf clubs.

They each go onto play a perfect round of golf with St. Peter and at the end of the 18th hole, the old man turns around and smacks his wife in the face as hard as he can!

St. Peter ask the guy "Why did you do that!" The old man replies "If it weren't for her and her damn bran muffins I could have been here 10 years ago!":vino:
 

NGAHaze

Gold Contributor
Member For 5 Years
Two old men, Abe and Sol, sit on a park bench feeding pigeons and talking about baseball.
Abe turns to Sol and asks, "Do you think there's baseball in Heaven?"
Sol thinks about it for a minute and replies, "I dunno. But let's make a deal -- if I die first, I'll come back and tell you if there's baseball in Heaven, and if you die first, you do the same."
They shake on it and sadly, a few months later, poor Abe passes on.
Soon afterward, Sol sits in the park feeding the pigeons by himself and hears a voice whisper, "Sol... Sol... ."
Sol responds, "Abe! Is that you?"
"Yes it is, Sol," whispers Abe's ghost.
Sol, still amazed, asks, "So, is there baseball in Heaven?"
"Well," says Abe, "I've got good news and bad news."
"Gimme the good news first," says Sol.
Abe says, "Well, there is baseball in Heaven."
Sol says, "That's great! What news could be bad enough to ruin that?"
Abe sighs and whispers, "You're pitching on Friday."
 

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