Something bad has happened to the one I love.

[conanthewarrior]

Hey people. As you may know, our relationship was rocky lately, and ended sunday.

We met on Tuesday, Agreed On BOTH of our faults, and agreed we will get sorted, together. I know her actions of the past 6 months were not of her.

She take a lot of anti anxiety medication (benzodiazepenes) and she left them at mine on Sunday. She is dependant on them. She did not want to come round to get them though as she thought it was over.

We was both so happy it was working out, we was going to give it a few more days to completely cool then she was going to come mine, and we are back together. Truth be told, I ended it thinking I did not need her. The next day it felt like I was missing a part of ME. She also had a rough time.

After sorting everything out, we decided to walk to the rugby club near me to sit down longer and talk. We shared many kisses, tears, and addminatnce on the way.

Then it happened. She Made the most horrific sound of pain I have ever hear from her, fell to the floor completely rigid, Then the clonic phase started. She was fitting, and I was screaming for help. No one came.

I had to knock on the house across the road, I could still see her as the house was around 15 feet away, banged on the door and run back to her. A woman answered and said "Oh my god, I thought it was kids messing around, I will get an ambulance"

Another lady told me to come out and not to touch her, I told her I am epilepsy trained and a trained first aider due to my previous job (carer).

Her dad somehow turned up, someone must of went to get him, and he was saying in front of the ambulance staff how "I can not visit his daughter in the hospital, there is no relationshhip and never will be." I told him I am not going out with him, I am going out with his adult daughter.
This was around 25 mintues post seizure. His daughter took my hand, removed her oxygen mask and replied to her dad "there is, there always will be".

She wanted me to come hospital with her, her dad was adamant he was going. The ambulance staff said it is her choice as she is a fully grown woman.

After around 5 minutes, I allowed her dad to go with her, as I said she should be with her real family. I provided the hospital with lifesaving information though, as she did not want to admit she was on Benzo's, I Phone the hospital to tell them the reason of her seizure, and they thanked me. They said they suspected alcohol or similar withdrawal, my clarification helped them treat hear by giving her the correct dose of diazepam to stop any more fits.

She phoned me last night. We have worked out a way to keep her dad happy, respecting his wishes, while she can still let me know how she is doing. Southend hospital on wards allows Mobile phones, it has done for a while. Some wards may not, but I know the ward I was on last year allowed one, and it was my lifeline. Due to my withdrawal shakes, I tried to fill a glass of water myself in the night and broke my phone.
My mum bought me one in the same day, as it was keeping me going, my contact to the outside world.

She also phoned me this morning, as she could not fully talk due to her father and aunt being there. She again told me she loves me, and misses me, and hasn't had any more fits apart from the one I saw and one other. They was all under 3 minutes, which is good.

She is in for a rough ride, but I think she is going to live. I have been through severe alcohol withdrawal last year, and alcohol and benzo withdrawals are similar, that is how I got my minor brain damage from a status epilepticus seizure. Luckily hers have been short, she has had 2 so far.

I just wanted to write this here, as we are in our mid 20's, we are youngish, but we realised it was stupid our bickering, and I need her as much as she needs me, and I don't have many friends I can tell about the addiction she had, as she doesn't want them to know, so I felt here was OK. I cleared it with her earlier too.

Seeing her have the fit and clearing the phlegm from her throat blocking her airway made me realise, it will always be me and her.

I just can not wait until she is home and well again.

I miss her, and love her, always.

 

[jack]

Sorry dude , hope everything works out !

 

[creeperfan5236]

I'm sorry to hear. Hope all's well!

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-N900A using Tapatalk

 

[Whiskey]

Best wishes and Prayers to you both Conan

 

[robot zombie]

Woah, that's terrible dude! I can tell you from experience that benzo withdrawals are no joke... ...very similar to alcohol withdrawals, if not even more dangerous.

I've always thought that benzos are a terrible choice for long-term anxiety treatment. They leave you worse off in the long run not only due to the crippling physical dependency, but the rebound anxiety that comes around after you eventually have to get off of them... ...even if you do it properly and taper with a long-acting one.

I know how hard it can be to cope with severe anxiety. I suffered through it for many years. I have not been on any medication in several years now with no issue. It's an amazing feeling, not having that weighing me down. I hope that she can find her way to that point eventually. The thing about anxiety is that tends to test your patience. It can seem so much bigger than you and make you feel so small. It's not a trivial thing, but you have to teach yourself to trivialize the sources, which can be the hardest thing to do sometimes.

It is possible to do more than just get by, but it takes a lot patience and honesty with yourself as well as a good support network. You both need to find some genuine, unbiased people to talk to as you continue together down the path of permanently improving her well-being. She may not be the only one who will need therapy. It is critical that you are as strong as she will have to be. Having loved ones with anxiety and addiction problems can be as taxing on the people closest to them as the anxiety is to them. You have to keep yourself in check in order to be there when she needs you most.

Best of luck to you both. Be well.

 

[CurlyxCracker]

Woah, that's terrible dude! I can tell you from experience that benzo withdrawals are no joke... ...very similar to alcohol withdrawals, if not even more dangerous.

I've always thought that benzos are a terrible choice for long-term anxiety treatment. They leave you worse off in the long run not only due to the crippling physical dependency and the rebound anxiety that comes around after you eventually have to get off of them... ...even if you do it properly and taper with a long-acting one.

I know how hard it can be to cope with severe anxiety. I suffered through it for many years. I have not been on any medication in several years now with no issue. It's an amazing feeling, not having that weighing me down. I hope that she can find her way to that point eventually. The thing about anxiety is that tends to test your patience. It can seem so much bigger than you and make you feel so small. It's not a trivial thing, but you have to teach yourself to trivialize the sources, which can be the hardest thing to do sometimes.

It is possible to do more than just get by, but it takes a lot patience and honesty with yourself as well as a good support network. You both need to find some genuine, unbiased people to talk to as you continue together down the path of permanently improving her well-being. She may not be the only one who will need therapy. It is critical that you are as strong as she will have to be. Having loved ones with anxiety and addiction problems can be as taxing on the people closest to them as the anxiety is to them. You have to keep yourself in check in order to be there when she needs you most.

Best of luck to you both. Be well.

Well said!

 

[CurlyxCracker]

Benzodiazepines can be good for short term relief. But they are no joke. I'm truly dependant on them. Specifically xanax. I've had to deal with a bad situation and found them to be a good solution temporarily. I'm prescribed a fairly high dose (4mg a day). And have been trying to come down on them now. I notice even if I take 1mg in the morning and one at night, at mid day I have a spike in anxiety and get horrible shakes. That's just going a few hours.
Benzo withdraw is no joke, you need to do it properly, cold turkey is very unsafe and should never be done. Therapy is a great start and hopefully the doctors are smart and stop giving her valium and maybe switch her to klonopin? To get her off the original benzodiazepines. Yes it's still a Benzo but by far safer than valium. It's longer acting.
Anxiety is a bitch. It's hard on you and those closest to you. Every problem is a big deal. Worst case scenario, always. It's not easy and it's going to take some time. Glad you were there to help her, she could be worse of physically if you hadn't been.
Best wishes for you both!

 

[Teresa P]

You poor dear, I feel for you both. But you're blessed to have one another through thick and thin, this is proof. There will always be things in your relationship that no one understands other than the two of you, and if you continue to be strong for one another you will conquer anything.

 

[conanthewarrior]

I am benzo dependant myself, if I am truthful. I take my regular medication, plus around 2MG of flubromazolam, which she is addicted to aswell. (a new chemical, 0.25MG equal to 10 MG diazepam). I do not know how to get myself out of this hole, and have thought of silly things before. I am currently trying to reduce my intake as it is a solution I make myself, dropping .1 of a ml every 2 weeks. If a legal high ban comes in the UK though I am completely, utterly dead.

She was never prescribed benzos BTW, they are all purchased online, she has around a 150MG diazepam addiction.

 

[Whiskey]

I am benzo dependant myself, if I am truthful. I take my regular medication, plus around 2MG of flubromazolam (a new chemical, 0.25MG equal to 10 MG diazepam). I do not know how to get myself out of this hole, and have thought of silly things before. I am currently trying to reduce my intake as it is a solution I make myself, dropping .1 of a ml every 2 weeks. If a legal high ban comes in the UK though I am completely, utterly dead.

Have you tried the dependency counseling like mention above, I bet that would help a little bit

 

[conanthewarrior]

I already attend CDAS (The community drug and alcohol something) to get my prescription of opiates, yes I was also under their spell for quite a long time, unfortunately with the marks to prove it.

I don't know what they will do if I tell them about this, I am scared they will take my methadone away and turn me back to the bad stuff, which I really do not want to happen.

I know if a legal high ban comes in though, I am so dependant I will die. It is a long acting benzo as well, so withdrawal will be hell, so I feel for her right now. I can not even go and see her due to her father even though she is an adult, who I love more than life itself, I stopped the drink for HER, I didn't actually care if I died.

 

[rolltidevaper]

prayers sent your way @conanthewarrior

 

[CurlyxCracker]

I am benzo dependant myself, if I am truthful. I take my regular medication, plus around 2MG of flubromazolam, which she is addicted to aswell. (a new chemical, 0.25MG equal to 10 MG diazepam). I do not know how to get myself out of this hole, and have thought of silly things before. I am currently trying to reduce my intake as it is a solution I make myself, dropping .1 of a ml every 2 weeks. If a legal high ban comes in the UK though I am completely, utterly dead.

She was never prescribed benzos BTW, they are all purchased online, she has around a 150MG diazepam addiction.

Are these like the "synthetic substances" banned in the US? Well most of the US.

 

[conanthewarrior]

Woah, that's terrible dude! I can tell you from experience that benzo withdrawals are no joke... ...very similar to alcohol withdrawals, if not even more dangerous.

I've always thought that benzos are a terrible choice for long-term anxiety treatment. They leave you worse off in the long run not only due to the crippling physical dependency, but the rebound anxiety that comes around after you eventually have to get off of them... ...even if you do it properly and taper with a long-acting one.

I know how hard it can be to cope with severe anxiety. I suffered through it for many years. I have not been on any medication in several years now with no issue. It's an amazing feeling, not having that weighing me down. I hope that she can find her way to that point eventually. The thing about anxiety is that tends to test your patience. It can seem so much bigger than you and make you feel so small. It's not a trivial thing, but you have to teach yourself to trivialize the sources, which can be the hardest thing to do sometimes.

It is possible to do more than just get by, but it takes a lot patience and honesty with yourself as well as a good support network. You both need to find some genuine, unbiased people to talk to as you continue together down the path of permanently improving her well-being. She may not be the only one who will need therapy. It is critical that you are as strong as she will have to be. Having loved ones with anxiety and addiction problems can be as taxing on the people closest to them as the anxiety is to them. You have to keep yourself in check in order to be there when she needs you most.

Best of luck to you both. Be well.

I wish I could get off of the benzodiazapenes, but I am so far gone, equal to around 100MG diazepam a day, but a longer acting benzo, flubromazolam. It is a research chemical. Stupid me got it to get off the brown, and ended up hooked on that instead. I would rather be on the brown in all honesty.

 

[conanthewarrior]

Are these like the "synthetic substances" banned in the US? Well most of the US.

I gather they are, yes, but I am quite versed in medicine due to previous jobs, and this is the most powerful benzo I have taken, stronger than rohypnol. I really do not know how I am going to come out of this alive. I take my mind off it by constantly building coils, but truth be told, I am a serious addict. I will die without the medication. At least the ****** was only a week of pain. This is a whole different level, and as I have already done alcohol withdrawal, I will get the 'kindling' effect, which means each withdrawal is worse. The last one I had my last rites read to me. So really my life is until the government stops the sale, the GP will not help, so I may genuinely only be here a few more months.

I am scared. I am 25. I did not see this as a child, I said the same as all small children "I will never take drugs".

When it is banned I have already planned my funeral, at 25, and am going to go out to a shot of brown with as many benzos as I can take. I know they make a deadly mixture, but I can not, I really can not go through that pain of withdrawal again, especially if it is worse with benzos.

Lets hope the ban is not for a long time or I can get help, or I see no other option, the anxiety and terror of withdrawal is unimaginable, unless it has happened.

Don't worry, I do not plan on doing this tonight. Just when It needs to happen.

 

[conanthewarrior]

They have sent her home from hospital already, she was OK and we spoke. We are meeting on Monday as she genuinely feels to ill to move.

They sent her home with No benzodiazapenes though, so my fear is in 2 days she will be back in, and as her dad would not have a clue how to clear her airway or what to do, I found out she had a seizure at home and he didn't even call a ambulance, the idiot.

She is going to die if she has more seizures around him. He will not clear her airways, know how to help her, and so forth.

I am praying she has no more seizures, although I have prayed for no more seizures for her, although I know without medication she is going to fit, and whoever discharged her is an absolute dick, and I can't even go round to see how she is, only phone.

. I am not relgious, but I will be if she is saved from the pain of withdrawal.

Like I said before, I Believe he only took her in to get extra money, as she mostly lives at mine but he takes around 75% of all of her money, she has dinner at mine, and is around from morning till late at night.

It was a violent home and he is a violent man, which is why I put him in his place. He was treating his daughter badly, and called ME the C word down the phone, so I went to his and her house and tried to get him out. He would not say it to my face. He can talk down to his family but not to me.

 

[conanthewarrior]

I really hope she makes it till Monday, or for good without a seizure, but I know the chances of more seizures not happening are virtuaually nil.

 

[nabibrian]

You both have made it this far, this indicates GREAT inner strength.
Keep pushing forward and you will OVERCOME any obstacle you face.

Things might seem out of control and maybe seemly hopeless at times, but with a strong support system (kind of like what you have here) things will become a bit more clearer as the fog from all the chaos clears.

Sorry to sound "deep" and what not but...

My friend, rehearse your VICTORIES (the things that you have successfully accomplished) and draw off your positive experiences and this will affect GREAT results.
[Yes, I am certain you are already as best as possible. This is merely a friendly reminder]

I would like to share something here to help flip a switch so to speak...

BAIT:
* food, or some substitute, used as a lure in fishing, trapping, etc.

* a poisoned lure used in exterminating pests.

* an allurement; enticement

* to prepare (a hook or trap) with bait.

* to entice by deception or trickery so as to entrap or destroy:
using fake signal lights to bait the ships onto the rocks.

* to attract, tempt, or captivate.

* to tease

TRAP:
* a contrivance used for catching game or other animals, as a mechanical device that springs shut suddenly.

* any device, stratagem, trick, or the like for catching a person unawares.

* to worry, torment, or persecute

Based upon the combined definitions of these two words: "bait", "trap"
A trap set using bait is designed to worry, torment and persecute its captive.

Therefore, when you identify what is being used as "bait" (especially internal "bait") you will be able to notice the trap and you will have the foresight to avoid the trap.

Sometimes the things that are easily detected/indentified are merely the actuator for what will be instrumental for the baiting, it is not until the bait has run its full course that we realize we are trapped.

Here is the awesome thing...

If you still have life in you (which obviously you do since you have put forth the effort to reach out here) then my friend YOU HAVE HOPE and can be released from any trap that may have seemed like a prison.

I have experienced all that has been talked about here and a whole lot more.

If you ever need someone to chat with, feel free to pm me anytime.

 

[Whiskey]

That^^^^Strength & prayers

 

[conanthewarrior]

She is home from hospital. She is seeing me on Monday. They have gave no medication though, so I am terrified she will have more seizures, and I can not help. Tommorow I only have to wait, then she is coming round. We will sort it, I know it.

 

[nabibrian]

There are some natural remedies that might be useful to check into...

Some of the most commonly used herbs for seizures are:

• burning bush
• groundsel
• hydrocotyle
• lily of the valley
• mistletoe
• mugwort
• peony
• scullcap
• tree of heaven
• valerian

Such herbs have the potential to reduce seizures, but there’s no scientific proof that they work. Herbs sometimes cause unpleasant side effects such as headaches, rashes, and digestive problems. While some herbs might help, others should be avoided. These include:

• gingko and St. John’s wort (may interact with anti-seizure medications)
• kava, passionflower, and valerian (may increase sedation)
• garlic (can possibly increase medication levels)
• chamomile (may prolong medication effects)

Along with a healthy diet, certain vitamins can help decrease seizures. Keep in mind that vitamins alone don’t work. You should also follow your doctor’s instructions to prevent a possible overdose.

The most frequently used vitamins for seizures are:

• folic acid
• vitamin B6
• vitamin D
• vitamin E

 

[JLFROST]

Man, that sounds terrible... the situation as a whole sounds just terrible.
I wish you both the best with everything that is going on.

[/IMG]

 

[f1r3b1rd]

Damn dude, sorry to hear, will keep yall in my prayers.

 

[Petyr]

I hope that everything turns out just fine.

 

[DickyT]

Wishing you and her the best.