I thought you had an empathy shortage, though?!
No. I have a shortage of endorphins. Did further study, found out it relates back to hypothalamus. Everyone else that falls in that normal dryer setting, well, they can exercise and get those endorphins going. They may also get ecstatic over doing particular things & can maintain interest in those.
Got trouble feeling joy, happiness, satisfaction, rewarded, interested in stuff. This is due to my hypothalamus either not functioning correctly, or not functioning at all. What I lack is testosterone. My body does not produce that for itself and I figure it doesn't produce estrogen either, or at even lower rates than a sparse testosterone trace my genetic masculinity offered.
My T number currently is upper 300's to lower 400's. What is considered "normal" range is lowest 3,000 to highest 15,000. If I get a 1.50 ml dose of testosterone fortnightly, my T number might reach upper 700's to lower 800's. The doctor currently has me on a lower dosage as he thought I was not taking it. On my part I misunderstood his mannerism six months ago. I had a log of my shots given me, it seemed he didn't want bothered to see it. I stopped having the nurse/s log it for me.
Empathy wise? I'm probably one of the highest level empath around and that's not arrogance or boasting. Also got some other nice mental party favors going on. Been well trained up to a point too. No, I'll never say I'm the best or even one of the best. Hell, I'm lucky to see average most days. I also clusterfuck myself way too much with being a damn klutz. "Ha! Look at me be ninja! Oh shit, just broke a rib stretching the wrong way again, damn it! Oh no, dropped the satchel charge in the wrong shaft too, dumbass me! *sigh*"
Being clear, if you've seen the movie Spartan ... well, I was kind of trained like that. Will admit though evening knowing it was a lot of movie magic involved, I would likely not even be half that "good". But yeah, I was known as a "hound"/"hunter" "hey you! Doer!"
I learned sociopath behavior, in as much as, I can turn off my emotions as a means of surviving abuse. I don't like me without emotions, others don't like me that way either. I get cold, too cold and quite adamant upon eliminating a lot of problems with a lasting solution. I can slip off the "rails" a bit into that if I get pissed off too. I might throw stuff. You might put something in my hands though to stop me from "cutting lose". Seems I kind of stop, think, "damn I could hurt someone swinging this axe/knife/hammer/whatever is in my hands" and then calm down, or at least try very hard to do so.
I don't do much "hot" angry. Used to bottle it up too much, let it simmer to boil. Learning it's okay "in reason" for me to let out just a bit of angry now and then as a "pressure valve". Otherwise, I stay on guard constantly, or stay angry all the time to avoid getting too angry and going cold, liquid nitrogen. And see dumb as psychologist tells me, "stop being on guard, relax".
I know though that I cannot be afforded the excuse of being not responsible when I black out from anger. The aforementioned training marks me out as too capable. *cough* There's no limited capacity defense or heated passion one for me if I go off and say maim, or kill someone. "Relax"? Really?
This is why I also come off prozac very quickly, crashed off in fact. I was having dissociative psychotic splits and persona changes. I would go to sleep medicated but wake up once I got to a point in sleep but still be asleep but be someone else. Next day when I genuinely woke I would not recall that. Our neighbor caught me patrolling the road in front of our two houses one night, said he had seen me walk the full parameter too. I was in a killing mood, or at least the other person posing as me was. So, yeah fuck the prozac.
And no, it's not that a dominating control freak. I'm actually a natural switch freak. *ahem* It is though point of fact I'm one of those kinds of passionate types what needs to have control over themselves. Don't take me wrong, I surely do enjoy some of the stuff we're not allowed to discuss here but is legal in nearly 38 states. I like using it because I can relax but still have some good degree of control. If I could get disability and a WV medical card for it, boy don't you know.
It is not me thinking I need control either. I kind of know I do as well as others pointing it out to me. "There's madness in his art!" "Well yes, of course but is there art in his madness?" "Huh?" "Exactly!"