I understood your previous hints in the before edited post. I always tell my friends to enjoy every aspect of life while you can. The ability to do so can vanish in a blink of an eye. Since my divorce I dabble with women here and there.
Had dropped subtle hints on this forum before. Nearly outright said. Finally, did outright say to some considered friends here. It seemed a bit of a shock for them. Yes, some here did pick it up without saying outright.
It has been like this for me a lifetime so far. Had bf & gf in grade school. Teachers left us alone figuring kids being kids, we'd outgrow it. My bf & gf at the time did, I didn't. *shrugs*
Recall having lost virginity first with a bf. Bit of a funny story with it involving mom. Bless her she
acted really dumb. "Oh, I just come in to get you two for breakfast." Here we lay entwined in a twin bed together. He started to give her some kind of obviously bull explanation, she walked back out.
The next week surrendered virginity to a a gf. Not quite the same response from mom. She knocked this time but it was still clear me and gf had enjoyed our night. Mom never asked, never came to me to "have the talk". She explained later she had raised me to have this amazing stuff called brain matter between my ears. She figured I could use it.
Years later I finally mentioned to her. Then a few years after that she asked me if my abusive step-dad had anything to do with me being this way. He was never abusive
like that. Had he been an uncle, and grandfather would have fought me to have been the one ending him right then. Then on a few years more she relates she had been as well. *chuckles*
In a way guess it seems right this mama's boy would have inherited that. She did teach me to drink & hold my booze. Ah, but then I also wonder if she was merely revisiting youthful folly. Love my moms but also know my moms just as well as I know myself. I was her 50 yr old man at 5 yrs old, I was head of house as my step-dad was always out trucking.
In some respects I grew up being my own daddy. Nothing sexual intended in that expression. Some children simply need to mature sooner than others, ready or not. And no, mom never was abusive
like that either. Worst case was a few times I lay in bed and held her. That was usually after she had tried suicide, I'd gotten her cleaned back up.
Now, I'm near enough 50 years to taste it. What am I doing? I'm being the same old country boy. *chuckles* Not as crazy in going as I once was but damn crazy as I ever been. Don't go skydiving anymore. Don't go do live fire obstacle courses anymore either. *smh* Nah, got too mellowed out & this thing called a wife who says the only one now that can say I die again is her.
She wrapped me up with a bit of silver & gold, faith in us do I hold.