Hi people. What I am about to tell you the mods are aware of, but I feel safe enough and welcome enough here to tell you my real story. It also explains why I may seem slightly odd, and post so many questions.
It may be a bit long, but if you have the time please read it, for me?
Last year, April the 23rd to be exact ( my birthday woopeee) I was admitted to hospital, as I had not eaten for over a week and I could hardly walk. My mum remembers me crying with a drink in one hand, a sick bowl in the other, asking when it will end.
I was an alcoholic, and a severe one at that. I used to mainly drink cheap, horrible gut rot Cider, I am sure you get it in the USA. It is the stuff only the alcoholics touch because it is cheap and high strength, and tastes horrific. If I had money vodka was my choice, and I would drink a 750ML bottle and a half daily.
On waking, I was already being sick and shaking from withdrawal, so on waking after 'sleeping' for around 3 hours, it would be get as much drink down my neck as possible to stop the shakes and sickness, and possible seizures.
Well, on April the 22nd, an ambulance come out to me as I could not walk and was just being sick. They gave me an IV injection to stop me being sick, and because that worked I refused to go to hospital.
Truth be told though, I was dying. Literally dying. Luckily the ambulance had to come the next day as I could not move again and was being sick, they took me in because they could see my swollen liver through the front, and said "It had packed up, you need to come in or you will die in the next few weeks".
I did not want to die, so even on my birthday I went to hospital, not having my first drink for the first time I could remember.
In A&E, I was in a cubicle, but my whole body was in cramp. I could not use my hands, as they were contorted due to this cramp.I couldn't hold a glass anyway as the shakes were so violent, I had to be given it by other people, my food as well. It was all over my body, and twice I prayed for death, and I am not a religious man.
I was admitted to hospital to detox, and I would not wish this on my enemy, it is the most horrific experience ever, and I have been run over, broken many bones, and had other accidents, nothing compared to the drink withdrawal.
I had to take a breath test to see my alcohol level, my last drink was 12AM the night before I went to bed. This was at 4 o clock the next day. They asked how much I had drunk today, as I was still well over the drink drive limit from the alcohol I had finished consuming 16 hours ago.
The first night I thought I was losing my mind, the curtains were moving and I could here a voice in my head reading some sort of religious text, faster than I thought humanly possible. I still am not sure if that was in my head, or something trying to help me due to the speed, and a language I did not recognise.
The logical explanation is my brain made it all up, but I can never be 100 Percent.
On my second day in hospital, my fiancee was there during visiting hours, and I had the curtains closed by me for privacy. I then noticed light, lights of all different colours everywhere. I said to my fiancee "I need a DR, something is really wrong". Even though I could not walk properly, apparently I made it to the end of the bed till I had my alcohol withdrawal seizure. I went into status epilepticus as the fit lasted for 8 and a half minutes. It was tonic-clonic.
I was given Diazepam IV to stop it as it would not stop with the regular medication. I come round then, although I do not remember, and was trying to remove my tubes and other things stuck to me, they said it was because of one of the medicines to stop the seizure and I was post-ictal I do not remember. I even had a chat with a DR who checked me over for around 20 minutes, which I know nothing of.
I remember waking up being wheeled through the hospital, as after the seizure they moved me from the AMU(Where you go before they decide if you need to be kept in or can go home) with a mask on my face.
I removed this and asked what happened, the nurse, who I recognised, said "Your back with us now, you gave us a bit of a fright. You have been conscious for around 40 minutes, but I won't remember due to the medication and the seizure. I replied OK, and said sorry for trying to pull my tubes out, as she told me about that as we was talking. She said not to worry, as I did not know what was going on, people do it all the time on that medication, basically I am conscious but not fully there, so anything on me that hurts or irritates I will try to pull off.
The next few days were hell. I had delerium tremens, which are hallucinations and auditory hallucinations.
Luckily, my visual hallucinations were not too bad, but my auditory ones were very bad. I could constantly hear people talking to me, for me to turn and no one be there.
On the first day, I had my last rites read to me.
Because of the seizure and length and type, it starved my brain of oxygen, so I am classed as brain damaged now. I also am left with hypogonadism ( my body no longer makes its own testosterone) So I am now on anabolic steroids to replace the testosterone, and due to the hypogonadism, I have quite severe osteoporosis.
I am only 25. With the body of a man in his 80's. The lowest bone density is in my lumbar spine. Just had to be my bloody spine didn't it, I have been warned it is around 40% of what it should be, so "don't get into any accidents" which I though was idiotic. You don't plan a car crash.
If I have one though there is strong possibility i will be in a wheelchair before I am 30 unless I take alendronic acid, which has nasty side effect such as 'Necrosis of the jawbone' which means death of the bone. I do not want that side effect, or I will be known as 'the man with half a face', but I have to take this medication If I want my bones stronger.
They give it to cancer patients to help their bones as well.
I have been alcohol free since 23RD April, 2014, and I do not miss that demon one bit. The smell now makes me feel sick. I am NEVER going back to it.
Oh yeah, my liver. Luckily, it was at stage one of three on the damage scale, and it will repair itself. They said a year or 2, and it will be better.
But, My short term memory is buggered, that is why I ask so many questions, and maybe one i have been told before, as it takes a good 3-5 times of being told something before I remember it. Every object that passes through my hands gets misplaced, around 2 hours of my day are spent looking for a vape, or other object, that should be in its own place that I have made so I do not lose them, but if I do something else while holding it, thats where it will be left.
Many a time I have payed for my shopping, and walked off, only for the cashier to call me back as I do not have my shopping.
The Moderater's knew my basic story, but I feel comfortable enough now for you all to know. You are all mostly friendly and welcoming, so I just wanted to tell you exactly WHY I make so many threads, ask so many questions, and worry so much.
It is because I am brain damaged.
If there are any other drinkers on here, I wish you never to get truly addicted to alcohol. As at first it took away my anxiety, that is why I drank, but in the end it very nearly killed me.
I was around a week from death.
They kept me in for a week to detox. Although I still had to take some valium I obtained for another week untill I felt more normal.
I now can not sleep though without a sleeping table(Mirtazapine), at hospital I hardly slept. My resting heart rate was between 140-150BPM. I was in a state of constant panic.
I now do not smoke or drink, I go to the gym, enjoy this as a hobby along with the game of darts. That is good as it makes my brain work on the maths, and I am getting quite good at it, so may join a league soon.
Thing is, these are all at pubs, but I have set up a proffesional grade Unicron dartboard at home, and have found my perfect dart after a while of searching, 10 sets to be exact from 26 down to 18 gram and different shapes. They are light for steeltips, 18 grams, but what I play best with. I have 12 180's since starting in february
.
I have been to the pub for lunch though, and the alcohol has not bothered me at all, and I stuck to pepsi. I have been to the sports bar to play darts and pool where there is also alcohol 3 times, and again, I stuck to soft drinks.
This is not for sympathy or anything of the sort, I just wanted everybody to now know my real story, and why I post a bit more than others, it keeps me occupied, and I learn at the same time.
Well, that is the end of my story really. I am sorry it is long, but if you have the time to read, please do.
TL: DR Basically how I ended up brain damaged and my other problems, I feel safe enough here now with a few friends, to tell my story.
It may be a bit long, but if you have the time please read it, for me?
Last year, April the 23rd to be exact ( my birthday woopeee) I was admitted to hospital, as I had not eaten for over a week and I could hardly walk. My mum remembers me crying with a drink in one hand, a sick bowl in the other, asking when it will end.
I was an alcoholic, and a severe one at that. I used to mainly drink cheap, horrible gut rot Cider, I am sure you get it in the USA. It is the stuff only the alcoholics touch because it is cheap and high strength, and tastes horrific. If I had money vodka was my choice, and I would drink a 750ML bottle and a half daily.
On waking, I was already being sick and shaking from withdrawal, so on waking after 'sleeping' for around 3 hours, it would be get as much drink down my neck as possible to stop the shakes and sickness, and possible seizures.
Well, on April the 22nd, an ambulance come out to me as I could not walk and was just being sick. They gave me an IV injection to stop me being sick, and because that worked I refused to go to hospital.
Truth be told though, I was dying. Literally dying. Luckily the ambulance had to come the next day as I could not move again and was being sick, they took me in because they could see my swollen liver through the front, and said "It had packed up, you need to come in or you will die in the next few weeks".
I did not want to die, so even on my birthday I went to hospital, not having my first drink for the first time I could remember.
In A&E, I was in a cubicle, but my whole body was in cramp. I could not use my hands, as they were contorted due to this cramp.I couldn't hold a glass anyway as the shakes were so violent, I had to be given it by other people, my food as well. It was all over my body, and twice I prayed for death, and I am not a religious man.
I was admitted to hospital to detox, and I would not wish this on my enemy, it is the most horrific experience ever, and I have been run over, broken many bones, and had other accidents, nothing compared to the drink withdrawal.
I had to take a breath test to see my alcohol level, my last drink was 12AM the night before I went to bed. This was at 4 o clock the next day. They asked how much I had drunk today, as I was still well over the drink drive limit from the alcohol I had finished consuming 16 hours ago.
The first night I thought I was losing my mind, the curtains were moving and I could here a voice in my head reading some sort of religious text, faster than I thought humanly possible. I still am not sure if that was in my head, or something trying to help me due to the speed, and a language I did not recognise.
The logical explanation is my brain made it all up, but I can never be 100 Percent.
On my second day in hospital, my fiancee was there during visiting hours, and I had the curtains closed by me for privacy. I then noticed light, lights of all different colours everywhere. I said to my fiancee "I need a DR, something is really wrong". Even though I could not walk properly, apparently I made it to the end of the bed till I had my alcohol withdrawal seizure. I went into status epilepticus as the fit lasted for 8 and a half minutes. It was tonic-clonic.
I was given Diazepam IV to stop it as it would not stop with the regular medication. I come round then, although I do not remember, and was trying to remove my tubes and other things stuck to me, they said it was because of one of the medicines to stop the seizure and I was post-ictal I do not remember. I even had a chat with a DR who checked me over for around 20 minutes, which I know nothing of.
I remember waking up being wheeled through the hospital, as after the seizure they moved me from the AMU(Where you go before they decide if you need to be kept in or can go home) with a mask on my face.
I removed this and asked what happened, the nurse, who I recognised, said "Your back with us now, you gave us a bit of a fright. You have been conscious for around 40 minutes, but I won't remember due to the medication and the seizure. I replied OK, and said sorry for trying to pull my tubes out, as she told me about that as we was talking. She said not to worry, as I did not know what was going on, people do it all the time on that medication, basically I am conscious but not fully there, so anything on me that hurts or irritates I will try to pull off.
The next few days were hell. I had delerium tremens, which are hallucinations and auditory hallucinations.
Luckily, my visual hallucinations were not too bad, but my auditory ones were very bad. I could constantly hear people talking to me, for me to turn and no one be there.
On the first day, I had my last rites read to me.
Because of the seizure and length and type, it starved my brain of oxygen, so I am classed as brain damaged now. I also am left with hypogonadism ( my body no longer makes its own testosterone) So I am now on anabolic steroids to replace the testosterone, and due to the hypogonadism, I have quite severe osteoporosis.
I am only 25. With the body of a man in his 80's. The lowest bone density is in my lumbar spine. Just had to be my bloody spine didn't it, I have been warned it is around 40% of what it should be, so "don't get into any accidents" which I though was idiotic. You don't plan a car crash.
If I have one though there is strong possibility i will be in a wheelchair before I am 30 unless I take alendronic acid, which has nasty side effect such as 'Necrosis of the jawbone' which means death of the bone. I do not want that side effect, or I will be known as 'the man with half a face', but I have to take this medication If I want my bones stronger.
They give it to cancer patients to help their bones as well.
I have been alcohol free since 23RD April, 2014, and I do not miss that demon one bit. The smell now makes me feel sick. I am NEVER going back to it.
Oh yeah, my liver. Luckily, it was at stage one of three on the damage scale, and it will repair itself. They said a year or 2, and it will be better.
But, My short term memory is buggered, that is why I ask so many questions, and maybe one i have been told before, as it takes a good 3-5 times of being told something before I remember it. Every object that passes through my hands gets misplaced, around 2 hours of my day are spent looking for a vape, or other object, that should be in its own place that I have made so I do not lose them, but if I do something else while holding it, thats where it will be left.
Many a time I have payed for my shopping, and walked off, only for the cashier to call me back as I do not have my shopping.
The Moderater's knew my basic story, but I feel comfortable enough now for you all to know. You are all mostly friendly and welcoming, so I just wanted to tell you exactly WHY I make so many threads, ask so many questions, and worry so much.
It is because I am brain damaged.
If there are any other drinkers on here, I wish you never to get truly addicted to alcohol. As at first it took away my anxiety, that is why I drank, but in the end it very nearly killed me.
I was around a week from death.
They kept me in for a week to detox. Although I still had to take some valium I obtained for another week untill I felt more normal.
I now can not sleep though without a sleeping table(Mirtazapine), at hospital I hardly slept. My resting heart rate was between 140-150BPM. I was in a state of constant panic.
I now do not smoke or drink, I go to the gym, enjoy this as a hobby along with the game of darts. That is good as it makes my brain work on the maths, and I am getting quite good at it, so may join a league soon.
Thing is, these are all at pubs, but I have set up a proffesional grade Unicron dartboard at home, and have found my perfect dart after a while of searching, 10 sets to be exact from 26 down to 18 gram and different shapes. They are light for steeltips, 18 grams, but what I play best with. I have 12 180's since starting in february
.I have been to the pub for lunch though, and the alcohol has not bothered me at all, and I stuck to pepsi. I have been to the sports bar to play darts and pool where there is also alcohol 3 times, and again, I stuck to soft drinks.
This is not for sympathy or anything of the sort, I just wanted everybody to now know my real story, and why I post a bit more than others, it keeps me occupied, and I learn at the same time.
Well, that is the end of my story really. I am sorry it is long, but if you have the time to read, please do.
TL: DR Basically how I ended up brain damaged and my other problems, I feel safe enough here now with a few friends, to tell my story.
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