As a child of a broken marriage, I agree that sometimes what's broken can't be mended -- my father was an alcoholic who beat my mother and neglected both of us, and was unwilling or unable to do anything about his problem until I was in my 20s. I didn't like my stepfather, but he was a father to me, when my own father was not. My father died 10 yrs ago, and though I miss him, I spent most of my life missing him, so that's no biggie really. My mother died 3 wks ago, and who's left? My stepfather. I feel a great deal of gratitude to him at this point, for being my father when I really didn't have one, even though I never really liked him -- he loved my mother, she loved him, so we made do as best we could.
But it's become far too common nowadays for people to rush into having a baby, when there is no marriage, nor even any plans to marry. There's a good reason marriage is supposed to come before children: if you aren't capable of that kind of lifetime commitment, you sure as hell aren't capable of raising a child -- and even if you are, what about your partner? This case shows very clearly that sometimes even the MOTHER isn't ready for that kind of commitment, so I fear for that child, in the years ahead. It's true that marriage is complicated -- like raising a child ISN'T??? Someone too immature to marry for the right reasons and stick it out thru rough patches is NOT capable of properly raising a child, PERIOD.
My first marriage lasted less than a year -- thankfully no offspring were involved, but it was difficult and painful even so. My 2nd marriage has now lasted for 29+ yrs, our son is 28. We've had good and great times... and we've had hard, trying, painful, infuriating, impossible times, a couple of which have required professional counseling to help us resolve.... and we have stuck it out thru all of it, as we vowed when we married -- in sickness and in health (that includes mental health too), for better or for worse, till death do us part. Without that sort of commitment between the parents, a child never has a chance for a true secure foundation from which to grow into adulthood.
I agree, the OP does need professional help with this one -- a counselor or religious leader perhaps, and if it can't be resolved, then legal representation.
Andria
