I was a 2-pack-a-day smoker. I started when I was 15 or 16. I was already having lots of problems hacking up gook. I remember sitting at my desk in the mornings with a glass and just sitting there hocking 3 shots of fluid into it. I also wasn't making a lot of money. The 300+ dollars a month I was spending on smoking was almost half of a paycheck.
I think a lot of it just comes down to me just being at that point in my life where I really wanted to see what kind of person I was cut out to be. It was a time of lots of challenges and whirling emotions. Up until that point, I had just kind of been stagnating and wasting away. I was just sort of killing time doing lots of drugs and hanging out with nobodies... ...people with no ambitions or hobbies and really terrible conversation skills. Dunno what I ever saw in them, tbh. Maybe it's just that I saw a bit of myself in them and that brought me comfort.
One day, I just had enough and cut myself off from all of that. I decided I had too many bad habits in my thoughts and behavior, so I started vaping, exercising, cooking, going out and meeting new people, and re-programming all of my day-to-day habits. It was hard, but somehow much easier than continuing to live the life I had led before. I did a lot of reading and indulging in all sorts of mediums of art. I fed my mind with ideas from all sorts of different cultures and philosophical schools of thought.
I learned to appreciate the clarity and beauty of time to myself well-spent and discovered the true meaning of practical introspection. I finally figured out how to use my mind to guide my heart. I suppose you could say that what I had really found was my goddamned sense of agency and self-respect.
I just went out there and lived for once, man. I just started making moves and shifts impulsively. I started reaching for all of the things I had only previously been thinking about in an endless loop. It's been a crazy fucking 5 years. I can't even believe it sometimes.
Looking back, it was a period of immense personal growth in many areas and I am largely the person I am today (someone I truly like being) because of the changes I took upon myself in that period of my life. I suppose you can chalk it up to that crushing existential crisis we all experience as young-adults... ...the everyday fear of life. It's a big ol' whirl out there. Sometimes you just gotta jump in - try something new and see where it takes you... ...maybe even some things you think you don't want to do. Be patient and honest with yourself. These were the mantras that fueled my interest in vaping and many other things at the time.
Perhaps that's why I still have a lot of love for vaping now, several years later. It's a landmark for a time when my thinking and my general approach to life really took a turn for the better. It was just coincidental, really. Can't say I have vaping to thank for any of this. It was just a case of "Right time, right place, right mindset."
Sorry to get all sappy and shit. That one really struck a nerve. Can't say I didn't answer the question though!
