…Gopher!
The Evidence:
• Gopher had complete access to Jean-Luc's cabin where he secured the other half of Wolfie's torn sketch and placed it in Jean-Luc's hand after he expired.
• After Jean-Luc doused Gloop with cognac, Gopher was witnessed offering to take Gloop’s jacket to the ship's laundry. Gopher took Gloop’s press pass from his jacket pocket to plant at the scene of the crime.
• The esthetician encountered Gopher in Bliss' suite holding her makeup bag. Gopher said that Bliss had asked him earlier to bring it to her in the spa but he had been delayed running errands for Jean-Luc. The esthetician recognized Gopher as one of Jean-Luc and Bliss' entourage so thought nothing of it. This proves that Gopher had the means to secure the lethal dose of sedative from Bliss' bag.
• Gopher's testimony that he had been in the ship's laundry at the time of the murder is proven false because the laundry was closed and locked that evening due to a private staff party.
• Snap’s camera contained photos of Gopher entering the VIP Lounge with the champagne, giving the glass to Jean-Luc, standing over Jean-Luc and smirking as he expired, as well as placing Wolfie's sketch in Jean-Luc's hand and dropping Gloop’s press pass.
• Snap had followed Gopher to the VIP Lounge hoping for some juicy shots of a confrontation between the two. She had snuck in through the staff entrance and hid behind some plants by a window from where she snapped the photos. As Gopher was leaving through the main entrance, Snap heard someone coming through the staff entrance, panicked, and leapt out the window behind her where her camera slipped out of her pocket and was recovered by a crew member before she could return and retrieve it. Snap had remained quiet about the photos until questioned about them as she had thought about the possible fame and fortune that might be gained by selling them to the tabloids.
As Inspector Clothessew finished his summation, Gopher noticed that all the exits were covered by the Félicité Marée’s security officers and that there was no escape.
He bowed his head for a bit, but then raised his gaze, a fire burning in his eyes, slammed his clipboard on the table, then stood and blurted out his confession -
"Oh, stop looking at me like that! You all saw how he treated me. 'Gopher, fetch my espresso! Gopher, my socks are the wrong shade of eggshell! Gopher, you're a talentless nobody!'
For three years, I was the shadow behind the 'Vaneer' genius. I didn't just fetch his dry cleaning; I drew half of that 'Cruisewear Collection' while he was passed out on expensive cognac! And what did I get for it? Six months without a paycheck and my own portfolio thrown into the ship’s incinerator because he 'didn't want competition from the help.'
So, yes. I took a little 'travel insurance' from Bliss’s makeup bag. She has so many pills, she’ll never miss a few sedatives. I dropped them into his vintage 1945 Bollinger—the only thing he loved more than his own reflection.
I thought I was clever. I planted Wolfie’s sketch. I 'lost' Gloop’s press pass. I even timed it to Jimi’s ridiculous guitar solo so the noise would drown out Jean-Luc’s final gasp.
But I forgot one thing... the staff party in the laundry room. I spent so much time pretending to be 'above' the help that I forgot to check their schedule. I thought I was a designer, a mastermind, a star!
But it turns out, I’m just a murderer. At least in prison, the uniforms are all the same color—I won’t have to worry about the 'wrong shade of eggshell' ever again!”
gopher_byrd was escorted by Captain Sterling and Inspector Clothessew to a mock brig in the Noir Lounge (where he was actually given VIP treatment!)
Afterwards, despite all the evidence given, our dearest gopher_byrd still insists he didn't do it!
And so this wraps up our mystery dinner evening, and tomorrow will see
us arrive once again to Barcelona.
