UncleRJ
Will write reviews for Beer!
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As many of you have suspected since I have joined the VU forum. There is something very wrong with me.
To bring you up to speed as you really need to understand the technology behind (apologies in advance) this modern day family Christmas Miracle (?).
Introducing the "Fart Machine" The 21st century version of the sainted "Whoopie Cushion"
www.amazon.com/T-J-Wiseman-Remote-Controlled-Machine/dp/B0006L1ILI
It can be placed just about anywhere (under chairs is preferred). And you can time it for anything from a little "popcorn" fart to a "big messy one"
True story...
I am usually the first one out of bed in the morning and normally at least an hour passes before anyone else wakes up.
So one Christmas morning I decided to be one of Santa's less adored Elf's.
For Christmas morning, Mrs. Uncle and my daughter would usually cuddle up on the couch/sofa drinking hot chocolate prior to the passing out and the opening of gifts.
I sit in my own throne (not the porcelain one before one of you smart-asses brings it up..Hey, I have faith in you!) and my son sits on the floor passing out the presents.
Little did they know, I had purchased one of these most magical of devices. I had the remote control (very small about the size of the thing you have to remotely open your car doors). The main unit (just a bit bigger than a pack of playing cards) was hidden under the cushions of the couch pretty much between where my unsuspecting wife and daughter were snuggling .
You have to realize we (with the obvious exception of myself) are a well behaved lot with good manners. The point being is if one of us makes what I will call a "body sound" we excuse ourselves.
At the proper moment, I pressed the "magic button". The device was set for the "Big, Wet, Long.Sloppy Smelly" Fart.
The Fart that was heard around the world! And even better, it came from under the cushions so it had that "muffled" sound..
The both looked rather shocked and stared accusingly at each other. Needless to say, neither one of them was going to admit to the most foul act and both were insisting that the other own up and apologize for the misdeed
And it most certainly did not help that I was sitting there with a HUGE grin on my face demanding an "excuse me" from someone and my son(about 13 at the time) was rolling around on the floor laughing his ass off!
This very long story cut short, they eventually figured out (after a few more uncouth sounds were heard)that dear old dad was up to something and I showed them the device and "fessed up".
Later my mother and step father came to Christmas dinner.
Shortly after that, it was taken away from me.
I have not seen it since..
I hope you have all enjoyed this true story of holiday cheer.
Merry Christmas From My Home To Yours!
To bring you up to speed as you really need to understand the technology behind (apologies in advance) this modern day family Christmas Miracle (?).
Introducing the "Fart Machine" The 21st century version of the sainted "Whoopie Cushion"
www.amazon.com/T-J-Wiseman-Remote-Controlled-Machine/dp/B0006L1ILI
It can be placed just about anywhere (under chairs is preferred). And you can time it for anything from a little "popcorn" fart to a "big messy one"
True story...
I am usually the first one out of bed in the morning and normally at least an hour passes before anyone else wakes up.
So one Christmas morning I decided to be one of Santa's less adored Elf's.
For Christmas morning, Mrs. Uncle and my daughter would usually cuddle up on the couch/sofa drinking hot chocolate prior to the passing out and the opening of gifts.
I sit in my own throne (not the porcelain one before one of you smart-asses brings it up..Hey, I have faith in you!) and my son sits on the floor passing out the presents.
Little did they know, I had purchased one of these most magical of devices. I had the remote control (very small about the size of the thing you have to remotely open your car doors). The main unit (just a bit bigger than a pack of playing cards) was hidden under the cushions of the couch pretty much between where my unsuspecting wife and daughter were snuggling .
You have to realize we (with the obvious exception of myself) are a well behaved lot with good manners. The point being is if one of us makes what I will call a "body sound" we excuse ourselves.
At the proper moment, I pressed the "magic button". The device was set for the "Big, Wet, Long.Sloppy Smelly" Fart.
The Fart that was heard around the world! And even better, it came from under the cushions so it had that "muffled" sound..
The both looked rather shocked and stared accusingly at each other. Needless to say, neither one of them was going to admit to the most foul act and both were insisting that the other own up and apologize for the misdeed
And it most certainly did not help that I was sitting there with a HUGE grin on my face demanding an "excuse me" from someone and my son(about 13 at the time) was rolling around on the floor laughing his ass off!
This very long story cut short, they eventually figured out (after a few more uncouth sounds were heard)that dear old dad was up to something and I showed them the device and "fessed up".
Later my mother and step father came to Christmas dinner.
Shortly after that, it was taken away from me.
I have not seen it since..
I hope you have all enjoyed this true story of holiday cheer.
Merry Christmas From My Home To Yours!
