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Herrro sumboodeeeeee
- Thread starter nabibrian
- Start date
Ok Shark Vape you definitely have way too much time on your hands. Lol. And no one has ever said that to me. 
Hmmm, I could share some stories, but they are true. My family isn't quite right and are a bunch of characters, so it would depend on your sense of humor on if you found it funny or repulsive, but the closet story should be a safer story to tell.
Once upon a time, early in their marriage a couple went to a family get together and drank heavy and merrily together. The wife was approached by a distant cousin of her husband's who was a ***head. She encouraged the intoxicated wife to smoke a stoggie with her.
Upon awakening the next morning the husband asks his wife what the hell she did last night. She asks him what on earth is he talking about. He tells her she woke him in the middle of the night rummaging through her closet taking clothes off the hangers, trying them on and ewwing and gasping at all the cool clothes and awesome prices. And everything was in her size! She calls him a liar to which he tells her to go into her closet. So, she gets up and walks to her closet and low and behold it is a mess of scattered clothes tossed about everywhere. " Oh, my gosh!, " she replies. "Never again will you go off with my cousin!", he says to her.
I found this story so hilarious I had to share it with the women in our family. Needless to say at the next party at her house years later after I shared the story she walks up to her bedroom and finds all of her Aunts and I in her closet drinking beer and she asks us what we are doing in there. We tell her we needed new clothes and heard this place had great sales. Oh, my was she mad at me for a while.
Hmmm, I could share some stories, but they are true. My family isn't quite right and are a bunch of characters, so it would depend on your sense of humor on if you found it funny or repulsive, but the closet story should be a safer story to tell.
Once upon a time, early in their marriage a couple went to a family get together and drank heavy and merrily together. The wife was approached by a distant cousin of her husband's who was a ***head. She encouraged the intoxicated wife to smoke a stoggie with her.
Upon awakening the next morning the husband asks his wife what the hell she did last night. She asks him what on earth is he talking about. He tells her she woke him in the middle of the night rummaging through her closet taking clothes off the hangers, trying them on and ewwing and gasping at all the cool clothes and awesome prices. And everything was in her size! She calls him a liar to which he tells her to go into her closet. So, she gets up and walks to her closet and low and behold it is a mess of scattered clothes tossed about everywhere. " Oh, my gosh!, " she replies. "Never again will you go off with my cousin!", he says to her.
I found this story so hilarious I had to share it with the women in our family. Needless to say at the next party at her house years later after I shared the story she walks up to her bedroom and finds all of her Aunts and I in her closet drinking beer and she asks us what we are doing in there. We tell her we needed new clothes and heard this place had great sales. Oh, my was she mad at me for a while.
Put me on your list. I have enough material to mix gallons of juice.If you have recipes you like send them and I will mix any amount you want.You are my heroes!
You have helped me feel better and helped me out of a bad mental place.
Thank you!
@nabibrian if you need a good laugh check out lip sync battle on spike tv. You are sure to laugh!
Very fun show to watch. It's also On Demand and lots on YouTube. Also, check out Jimmy Fallon's on YouTube. Hilarious.
Thanks for the laughs...Feel free to keep them coming!
So far, I think for now I am covered but on the "list" you shall go.
Oh, and welcome to the VU, it is great to have you here!!
I appreciate the offer my friend. I will keep your name on the "list".
So far, I think for now I am covered but on the "list" you shall go.
Oh, and welcome to the VU, it is great to have you here!!
That is an amazing great remixed video wow!News time!
Say whaat?
I want to thank @Shark Vape for the juice that was sent.
His mixes are awesome and on point!
Only try to envision that as a one-legged crutch dance lol
His mixes are awesome and on point!
Only try to envision that as a one-legged crutch dance lol
Teresa P
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Is it TFA cinnamon danish or Caps cinnamon danish swirl?Okay full disclosure... I read j's earlier post that he likes custards.
I wanted to send him some but my attempts at my own have all... sucked.
He sent me a few, all original.
I picked the apple cinnamon custard and changed a couple brands and percentages to fit.
I also wanted to put some FA Fiji in the Jerian juice...
The end result... FiJerian
Apple Pie (FA) 3
Cake Batter (CAP) 5
Cinnamon Danish Swirl (TFA) 3
Van. Custard V1 (CAP) 5
Fuji (FA) 2
So @j3rian, that's wot's in it if ya need to fix it.
I kept some for meself too...
Smells good. How long do you steep this stuff?
Ohh oh...
OK B,
Narrator:
A duck waddles into a grocery store...
Duck approaches the manager: Got any duck food?
Store Manager: No, we don't sell duck food, now, get on outta here.
Narrator: The duck leaves.
Narrator:
The next day, the duck waddles into the same grocery store.
Duck approaches the manager: Got any duck food?
Store Manager: NO, I told you yesterday, we don't sell duck food. Now, get outta here and don't come back!
Narrator:
The duck waddles out of the store.
Narrator:
The next day, the duck waddles into the grocery store.
Duck approaches the manager: Got any duck food?
Store Manager: NO!! I'VE TOLD YOU REPEATEDLY WE DON'T SELL DUCK FOOD!!! GET OUT AND DON'T COME BACK OR I'LL NAIL YOUR FEET TO THE FLOOR!!
Narrator: Duck waddles out of the store.
Narrator:
The next day, the duck waddles into the store and approaches the manager.
Duck: Got any nails?
Store Manager: What?? No, we don't have any nails!!
Duck: Got any duck food?
Narrator:
A duck waddles into a grocery store...
Duck approaches the manager: Got any duck food?
Store Manager: No, we don't sell duck food, now, get on outta here.
Narrator: The duck leaves.
Narrator:
The next day, the duck waddles into the same grocery store.
Duck approaches the manager: Got any duck food?
Store Manager: NO, I told you yesterday, we don't sell duck food. Now, get outta here and don't come back!
Narrator:
The duck waddles out of the store.
Narrator:
The next day, the duck waddles into the grocery store.
Duck approaches the manager: Got any duck food?
Store Manager: NO!! I'VE TOLD YOU REPEATEDLY WE DON'T SELL DUCK FOOD!!! GET OUT AND DON'T COME BACK OR I'LL NAIL YOUR FEET TO THE FLOOR!!
Narrator: Duck waddles out of the store.
Narrator:
The next day, the duck waddles into the store and approaches the manager.
Duck: Got any nails?
Store Manager: What?? No, we don't have any nails!!
Duck: Got any duck food?
Teresa P
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How to lose MASSIVE amounts of weight! We need to figure out a way to market this! Any ideas??? Worth reading to the end- I promise!
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."
He lost 33 lbs that week.
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5lbs weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck..
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later puffing and puffing, he finally gives up. The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 5lbs as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/10lbs program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, "If you catch me you can have me".
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 10lbs as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/25 lbs program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most rigorous program." "Absolutely," he replies, "I haven't felt this good in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, "If I catch you, you are mine."
He lost 33 lbs that week.
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again.
The boy asked his father, “What is this, father?”
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father watched wide-eyed, an old lady, limping slightly with a cane, slowly walked up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walked between them and into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles of light with numbers above the wall lit up. They continued to watch with fascination as the circles then lit up in the reverse direction.
When the walls opened again and out walked a beautiful 24-year-old woman, the man turns to his son and said, “Go get your Mother.”
The boy asked his father, “What is this, father?”
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father watched wide-eyed, an old lady, limping slightly with a cane, slowly walked up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady walked between them and into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched as small circles of light with numbers above the wall lit up. They continued to watch with fascination as the circles then lit up in the reverse direction.
When the walls opened again and out walked a beautiful 24-year-old woman, the man turns to his son and said, “Go get your Mother.”
Oh wow Huck!! Too funny!! At 17 my daughter had her wisdom teeth pulled and omg! She was trying to text on her camera & when she figured out where her phone was I get a call from her boyfriend asking us why were we in Michigan? She kept seeing Grandps's house and was so mad bc I wouldn't take her there. Needless to say, we were in Kentucky, but she didn't believe me. 50 minute drive home and I had to run like he'll to catch her b4 she hit the pavement, bc she insistcd she could walk. She read her texts she sent the next day and couldn't believe it. Lmao!
Teresa P
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Throw it in a drawer for about a month, you'll WUV it!I used TFA.
Peoplezez!... I tried this stuff and it is not user friendly. OMG man, please forgive me for trying to assassinate you!
This (& every other V1 custard I've made) is truly the worst juice I've ever tasted.ICCCK! Gak yuck!
Custards are teh debil!
A blonde is watching a ventriloquist perform at a bar and the ventriloquist, with his dummy, is telling blonde joke after blonde joke, filling the bar with laughter. After several of these jokes, the blonde stands up, infuriated, and yells, “Listen here, jackass. Not all blondes are stupid and the jokes need to stop, it is a very cheap way to get laughs.”
Stunned, the ventriloquist timidly begins to apologize, “Ma’am, I am so sorry. I had no idea I was offending anyone.”
The blonde replies, “Stay out of this, sir. I’m talking to that little shit on your knee!”
Stunned, the ventriloquist timidly begins to apologize, “Ma’am, I am so sorry. I had no idea I was offending anyone.”
The blonde replies, “Stay out of this, sir. I’m talking to that little shit on your knee!”
A phone rings. A little voice answers the phone.
Little voice: Hello?
A salesman speaks up: Hello little one, may I speak with your mom or dad, please?
Little voice whispers: No, they're busy.
Salesman: Well, ok, could I speak with an older brother or sister, please?
Little voice whispers: No, they're busy.
Salesman: Is there an adult in the house I could speak with?
Little voice whispers: Policeman and fireman.
Salesman: Policeman and fireman? Could I speak with one of them?
Little voice whispers: No, they're busy.
Salesman: What's going on?! Is everyone ok?
Little voice whispers: Yeah, they're all lookin' for me.
Little voice: Hello?
A salesman speaks up: Hello little one, may I speak with your mom or dad, please?
Little voice whispers: No, they're busy.
Salesman: Well, ok, could I speak with an older brother or sister, please?
Little voice whispers: No, they're busy.
Salesman: Is there an adult in the house I could speak with?
Little voice whispers: Policeman and fireman.
Salesman: Policeman and fireman? Could I speak with one of them?
Little voice whispers: No, they're busy.
Salesman: What's going on?! Is everyone ok?
Little voice whispers: Yeah, they're all lookin' for me.
Teresa P
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LMAO!!!
Sorry @Shark Vape but I think it is absolutely delicious!I used TFA.
Peoplezez!... I tried this stuff and it is not user friendly. Brian, OMG man, please forgive me for trying to assassinate you!
This (& every other V1 custard I've made) is truly the worst juice I've ever tasted.ICCCK! Gak yuck!
Custards are teh debil!
You did a great job mixing it up and I am enjoying every last drop!
I think I will sub it with Cap Cinnamon Danish Swirl though
It does need at least a week steep.
OK B,
Narrator:
A duck waddles into a grocery store...
Duck approaches the manager: Got any duck food?
Store Manager: No, we don't sell duck food, now, get on outta here.
Narrator: The duck leaves.
Narrator:
The next day, the duck waddles into the same grocery store.
Duck approaches the manager: Got any duck food?
Store Manager: NO, I told you yesterday, we don't sell duck food. Now, get outta here and don't come back!
Narrator:
The duck waddles out of the store.
Narrator:
The next day, the duck waddles into the grocery store.
Duck approaches the manager: Got any duck food?
Store Manager: NO!! I'VE TOLD YOU REPEATEDLY WE DON'T SELL DUCK FOOD!!! GET OUT AND DON'T COME BACK OR I'LL NAIL YOUR FEET TO THE FLOOR!!
Narrator: Duck waddles out of the store.
Narrator:
The next day, the duck waddles into the store and approaches the manager.
Duck: Got any nails?
Store Manager: What?? No, we don't have any nails!!
Duck: Got any duck food?
It's the last day of school in the first grade and all the children have brought presents for the teacher. Everyone is very excited.
The teacher knows all their parents and their jobs well.
Little Becky is first, she brings her gift, a small flat box to the teacher and exclaims Guess what it is! Guess what it is!.
Ms. Smith knows Becky's mom works at a candy shop so she gives the box a shake and guesses 'Is it chocolates???'
Becky screams YESSSS... YAAAYYY! & everybody is all excited & laughing. It's a big day.
Little Susie is next with her gift... Guess what it is! Guess what it is! Teacher knows Susie's mom owns a flower shop.
She gives the long box a big sniff and says 'Is it flowers?' Susie says YESSS Yes it is! Wheeeee! everyone is so excited.
Little Johnny is next and brings his large present to the front. She knows Johnny's dad owns a wine shop.
She sees there is a bit of seepage near the bottom of the crate... she guesses, 'Is it wine???' Johnny says Noooo....
She touches the wet place, gives a lil sniff and guesses 'Is it champagne?' Johnny says Noooo... Ms Smith is perplexed.
She reaches down and touches the wet spot again and gives it a little taste, and says 'I just don't know! What is it?
Little Johnny beams... It's a puppy!
Yes, more...more...more!!!!!!!
CrazyChef
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That's what SHE said!
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An old farmer drove to a neighbor's and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door.
The farmer asked, "Is your Dad home?"
The boy replied, "No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
The farmer said, "Well, is your Mother here?"
The boy said, "No sir, she went to town with Dad."
The farmer said, "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
The boy said, "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
The boy said, "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."
The boy thought for a moment, "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
The farmer asked, "Is your Dad home?"
The boy replied, "No sir, he isn't; he went to town."
The farmer said, "Well, is your Mother here?"
The boy said, "No sir, she went to town with Dad."
The farmer said, "How about your brother, Howard? Is he here?"
The boy said, "No sir, He went with Mom and Dad."
The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other, and mumbling to himself.
The boy said, "Is there anything I can do for you? I know where all the tools are, if you want to borrow one, or I can give dad a message."
"Well," said the rancher uncomfortably, "I really wanted to talk to your Dad. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Suzie, pregnant."
The boy thought for a moment, "You would have to talk to Dad about that. I know he charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I don't know how much he charges for Howard."
Ha! Ha! What did that woman expect lmao
Funny you post that.
Actually had one that was grey do that unprovoked kinda of to the cable dude that looked my buddy.
See my bro and him used to rough house and out of the blue Abu would jump up and cling to his chest while taunting him nose to nose with a meow.
The cable dude was shocked and scared absolutely stiff, Abu was freaked it was not my bro.
A young boy comes down to breakfast one morning. His mother asks, "Have you done your chores yet?"
"No," replies the boy, "but could I have breakfast first?"
"You know the rules, go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow and feed the pigs."
The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he kicks a chicken. Next, he walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig.
Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, "Where's my eggs, my milk and my sausage?"
"Well," says his mother, "I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don't get any sausage."
Just then, the boy's father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, "Should I tell him now, or do you want to?"
"No," replies the boy, "but could I have breakfast first?"
"You know the rules, go outside and clean the chicken coop, milk the cow and feed the pigs."
The boy goes down to the chicken coop and lazily cleans it. When he is finished he kicks a chicken. Next, he walks to the barn and takes out the old milking cow. After milking her thoroughly, he kicks her. Then the boy gets the food and feeds the pigs. Once he is done he kicks a pig.
Finally, the boy runs back to his house, very hungry. His mother gives him a plate with nothing on it but an apple. Disappointed, the boy says, "Where's my eggs, my milk and my sausage?"
"Well," says his mother, "I saw you kick a chicken, so now you don't get eggs. I saw you kick the cow, so now you don't get milk. I saw you kick the pig, so now you don't get any sausage."
Just then, the boy's father walks in and kicks the cat. The boy says to his mother, "Should I tell him now, or do you want to?"
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Ben went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother.
Ben picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife said, ''What are we going to do?''
''Nothing,'' said Ben, ''The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.''
Ben picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife said, ''What are we going to do?''
''Nothing,'' said Ben, ''The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it.''
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Oh yeah, this one is going on my Facebook....LOL!!
I wasn't sure about the title reference being Buc Lau a.k.a. Buk Lulu, lol. That guy is funny!
I'm sorry to hear about your accident and i wish you a speedy recovery, follow the Drs. orders, they know more about these things then we do and just because you think it feels better and you can do this or that without crutches or don't need rehab, they are probably telling you those guidlines from experience. I tried to expedite a rehab on a shoulder surgery only to have it operated on again.
I wish you a speedy recovery and it looks like your paying it forward to others has you well taken care of now.
I'm sorry to hear about your accident and i wish you a speedy recovery, follow the Drs. orders, they know more about these things then we do and just because you think it feels better and you can do this or that without crutches or don't need rehab, they are probably telling you those guidlines from experience. I tried to expedite a rehab on a shoulder surgery only to have it operated on again.
I wish you a speedy recovery and it looks like your paying it forward to others has you well taken care of now.
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I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked pretty good for a 60-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double? 'What's that? I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like, I said, 'No, I haven't.' We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'tonight's your lucky night'. We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: 'Mom...you still awake?'
On hearing that her elderly grandfather has just passed away, Katie goes straight to her grandparents' house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asks how her grandfather has died, her grandmother replies, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning." Horrified, Katie tells her grandmother that two people nearly 100 years old having sex will surely be asking for trouble. "Oh no, my dear. Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. It was nice, slow, and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the ding and out on the dong." She pauses, wipes away a tear and then continues, "And if that damned ice cream truck hadn't come along, he'd still be alive today!"
Lmao!!And now, (9 hours & 4 margaritas into the VU Live anniversary show)