Had a lawyer try to screw me during a custody case years ago. And I was paying the guy
That's why I'd rent a Bull-D-ozer instead. Just go level their place of business, get the mad out, walk away and be done. Sure they can sue for damages. Be damn lucky if I can afford a two hour rent of a dozer so nothing for them to take.
Had a lawyer
helping me to get through the disability claim process. That resulted in me not being on disability yet having a list of
"things you can't do" as long as my my arms end to end. ultimately the hearing "authority" suggested I look for an entry level custodian job. "There's plenty of these jobs available to you in your area."
Their notion of "my area" consists of VA, TN, KY, WV, PA, OH and another two or three states. And even then I wasn't supposed to be "allowed" to mix up cleaning chemicals, get on ladders, run equipment. So, sure go apply in a field that has 200+ waiting for any job open and mention all these restrictions an employer will need to accommodate. Right, can see that happening and then being stuck in dead end with hopes that one day, twenty to thirty years later I get the key to the supply closet, maybe?
And no I'm not exactly belittling janitorial work. I have done it before in working at fast food places, working on farms, patient care. It is a noble thing to go around cleaning up. Factually though, that's all there is to that occupation though. Once you learn the basics, well there you are at mastery and it becomes a matter of punch the clock, go through motions.
Not that I exactly want anything lofty, glamorous, high stress. I would though like to think there could be some challenges, something that held value
to me and not just the nobleness of keeping stuff clean. Any **** sapien (human not gay bashing as the hard coded software probably read the word h o m o) can clean, it simply means moving dirt from one place to another.
I know that still may read as belittling. Not meaning it that way despite how it reads, The words though are being restrictive and making it seem I'm doing what I'm not. The words give me an "
attitude" which I'm not trying to inject into it because I don't have an attitude.
Hell, I'm no where too proud to clean. I wash our dishes and clean our house here, will wash and clean
our home proper when we get to it. I have done laundry, will do laundry. I clean our toilets, mop. So no, I have no attitude about cleaning. It is simply that which needs done, gets done, and to me is snooze work (again not meant as attitude).
I also curse the damn anhedonia. I just don't find much that doesn't get to be snooze work after a little. Writing is being a pain in the ass because I see the flaws of words. They cannot accurately describe emotion, relay feeling, observation. And then too, I go too far in them and within my own skull. It becomes a challenge alright but not in the sense that I was aiming. It becomes a "why the fuck bother" challenge. There's no bringing meaning to absurdity. Like lawyers that allegedly help you but ended up screwing you over.
Yeah, a bulldozer does seem like a good choice.
ETA: To clarify my desire to go level a place of business with a bulldozer, though a real desire, remains and will remain only that, a desire. One can still express a desire, thought, feeling freely. I'm not naming the business specifically although I'm sure plenty could make a well educated guess. I am not expressing my feelings as a form of threat, idle or otherwise. I am simply expressing my feelings. I am frustrated that it seems a company is trying to dick over my wife's Employee Stock earnings.
We were both looking forward to possibly using that as down payment money for a home of a modest $30 - $50,000 on a fair mortgage rate either via Agricultural rural development, or FHA. Considering her ESOP would have given
her access to a little over $20,000 at least up until a recent audit whereby they come up with an $11,000 discrepancy not to her favor but theirs, think I'm within rights to be frustrated at the least. I'm her fucking husband, I hate, yes actually
hate when others fuck with her this way. It leaves my hands tied to honor a promise I made to her grandfather. I'll love her be sure she isn't hurt.
I am her consort as was such men in days of old. The home is hers, I'm merely a shadow to her.
So being clear and honest, yes I'm expressing that above because keeping it contained does me no good. Likely does no good expressing it either but at least it's honest and open. Sure, I got a desire of it but that does not mean I'll act upon that desire. I had a desire to kill someone once, walked away from that too. I know a lot better, am a lot better than that. So, apologies if you actually understood that's what I was doing, venting, and had to suffer this explanation.