Rehab recovery

[Zohmbiebuilds]

I graduate rehab and have been in recovery for 5 months. I am so proud of myself, yes I'm patting myself on the back

I have given this my all. I am going through a rough break up, fighting for my disability, and I'm 12 stepping my ass off and working my professional as best I can. I have been struggling hard, but I'm not going to give up. I want what's best for my life and I am slowly learning to love myself. I owe vaping alot as I have taken this on as a way of getting more healthy, and as a hobby to take spend time constructively.

I love you VU. I have been saving up for a drill and a mech mod and my Aunt paid my phone bill as a present for graduation so I have 20 to put to vape savings. I'll get there. I'll eventually get where I want to be, and I've got hope.

Id like to thank Fudgeyfinger, Crazy Chef, and Juicy Lucy. Among way more. All of you have become a great community for me to be happy to be a member of.

Thank you guys. This is a very special day!

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[bigdaddybrink1]

I graduate rehab and have been in recovery for 5 months. I am so proud of myself, yes I'm patting myself on the back

I have given this my all. I am going through a rough break up, fighting for my disability, and I'm 12 stepping my ass off and working my professional as best I can. I have been struggling hard, but I'm not going to give up. I want what's best for my life and I am slowly learning to love myself. I owe vaping alot as I have taken this on as a way of getting more healthy, and as a hobby to take spend time constructively.

I love you VU. I have been saving up for a drill and a mech mod and my Aunt paid my phone bill as a present for graduation so I have 20 to put to vape savings. I'll get there. I'll eventually get where I want to be, and I've got hope.

Id like to thank Fudgeyfinger, Crazy Chef, and Juicy Lucy. Among way more. All of you have become a great community for me to be happy to be a member of.

Thank you guys. This is a very special day!

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Congrats man!!


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[JuicyLucy]

I graduate rehab and have been in recovery for 5 months. I am so proud of myself, yes I'm patting myself on the back

I have given this my all. I am going through a rough break up, fighting for my disability, and I'm 12 stepping my ass off and working my professional as best I can. I have been struggling hard, but I'm not going to give up. I want what's best for my life and I am slowly learning to love myself. I owe vaping alot as I have taken this on as a way of getting more healthy, and as a hobby to take spend time constructively.

I love you VU. I have been saving up for a drill and a mech mod and my Aunt paid my phone bill as a present for graduation so I have 20 to put to vape savings. I'll get there. I'll eventually get where I want to be, and I've got hope.

Id like to thank Fudgeyfinger, Crazy Chef, and Juicy Lucy. Among way more. All of you have become a great community for me to be happy to be a member of.

Thank you guys. This is a very special day!

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Congratulations - and patting yourself on the back is essential to recovery

 

[hellcatrydr]

Good for you man. Keep at it, never give up. Your post is at once heart wrenching and joyous.

I use regulated mods/tanks, not mechs but I've got a thing or two I don't use laying around collecting dust.
If you PM me your address, I'll be thrilled to PIF you a setup to hold you over until you get that mech.
It would be my pleasure.

 

[Huckleberried]

Congrats Zombie! Keep coming back

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[zephyr]

Believing is key, and I believe in you! I've been there...

 

[bigdaddybrink1]

Let us know how all is goin

 

[Zohmbiebuilds]

Hey hell cat, I pmed you. Thank you all so much for believing in me. I woke up to these messages and it really made by week. I have been in a depression funk the entire end of November and the beginning of this month. I love being on VU, and my Aunt helped me with my phone bill so I'm not completely out of touch.

Something inside be changed this time around. I never believed in God, and infact, if I did I hated him. But I truthfully believe there is a reason I'm not dead, all the overdoses I've had, I've been shot, stabbed, I just am tired. So tired that I wanted to die. I woke up on the cold basement floor one morning last year and something inside me from there on out was changed. I got sober but relapsed shortly after. But I didn't stop trying like I normally would have.

I kept doing what I had to do to change. I kept going at it differently. Then, I found a rehab that took my insurance. Oh my God I was terrified, but God gave me the courage to just do it. I felt my life touched by God. I see what he unravels. I am not too religious but I'm spiritual. I started vaping because I had Vaped before my last visit relapse. Man it's changed since 2012.

I lived in this abandon building I walk past ever day. I lived there and took in other homeless people because it was secure and had weird secret rooms. It was an adventure of sadness and sorrow, and now courage to change and help other addicts believe in themselves.

I love you guys. Seriously. I have never felt so at home. I am getting over this break up and realizing I need to work on myself and keep myself stable. It still hurts, I'm still depressed, but I know I've come to far to give in. This addiction will have to pretty my bloody towel, before I ever throw it in.

I hope if there are any recovering/ people still using there is hope because you can fucking do it. I believe in you. I have been shooting h*roin f*ntanyl, and c*caine/m*th for over 10 years. I have lived under every bridge in Cincinnati. I have died and went without be like oxygen for times that should normally have permanently damaged my brain. You can do this, but you cannot expect to go about doing this alone. Know that the biggest part of this was doing my step work and learning to forgive myself.

Thank you guys. My higher power put me here because I needed you all. I need to learn. I need to understand ohms and battery safety. I needed some friends to confide in. Again:

Thank you guys. You have no idea how much this means to me.

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[Zohmbiebuilds]

The black and white was when I was at the end if my road and the next day I was in recovery. I keep that as a reminder to how badly the addiction had gotten me. I hadn't showered in 6mo, was wearing the same shit I had been wearing for 3 months, I really was the definition of hobo junkie. If I can pick myself back up after another 5 year stretch any one can. I am here for anyone to talk to.

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[Huckleberried]

You'll find a lot of us here that have traveled similar paths. You're really not alone.

 

[AndriaD]

Hang in there! Sometimes it really can be a challenge, but SOOOOOOO worth it. I had a relapse too, when I first started trying to get sober; drank again for another 6 yrs... but finally I realized that if I didn't stop immediately, I wouldn't live another year... and I had a 4 yr old at that time, who I needed to live for, raise, and watch grow up. He's now 29.

One day at a time!
Andria

 

[zephyr]

Hang in there! Sometimes it really can be a challenge, but SOOOOOOO worth it. I had a relapse too, when I first started trying to get sober; drank again for another 6 yrs... but finally I realized that if I didn't stop immediately, I wouldn't live another year... and I had a 4 yr old at that time, who I needed to live for, raise, and watch grow up. He's now 29.

One day at a time!
Andria

That encourages me, I have a 3 year old daughter...I couldn't stay sober even 6 months until she came alone and gave me a bit more motivation!
I started going to AA 7 years ago, then NA, AV, Celebrate Recovery...the steps helped me get my crap together but kept relapsing until I was desperate enough to believe that God would take my afflictions away if I asked, so I did and so he did, so there!

 

[AndriaD]

That encourages me, I have a 3 year old daughter...I couldn't stay sober even 6 months until she came alone and gave me a bit more motivation!
I started going to AA 7 years ago, then NA, AV, Celebrate Recovery...the steps helped me get my crap together but kept relapsing until I was desperate enough to believe that God would take my afflictions away if I asked, so I did and so he did, so there!

This time around, I decided to listen to good advice, and did the "90 meetings in 90 days", which they told me would enable me to get my 90 day chip, so I could keep coming back, and get my first year chip... and they were right! I'm very lucky to be married to a guy who knew damn well I wouldn't be able to stay sober if he kept drinking, so he quit too; he didn't do the meetings with me, but he and I originally met in AA (my first time around) so he knew the program very well, and we became each other's live-in 24/7 meeting -- which also worked! And even my son helped; once when he was about 7, some crap happened that really tested my resolve to stay sober, and he was right there, going "You don't wanna do that mom, you'll just get sick again." And I told him, "you're absolutely right, and thank you!"

I don't really do the meeting thing anymore, after 25 yrs sober, but they're there if I need them -- and when I lost my mom in Oct 2016, I really did -- I didn't crave a cigarette at all, but there was that horrible pain inside that just wanted chemical numbness. so I went to a meeting, and listening to a lot of young folks that were working on trying to get their 30 day or 90 day or first year chip, in the face of everything that real life could throw at them, helped me a lot, reminded me of why I got sober in the first place. It's the only way that some of us can keep living!

Andria

 

[zephyr]

The black and white was when I was at the end if my road and the next day I was in recovery. I keep that as a reminder to how badly the addiction had gotten me. I hadn't showered in 6mo, was wearing the same shit I had been wearing for 3 months, I really was the definition of hobo junkie. If I can pick myself back up after another 5 year stretch any one can. I am here for anyone to talk to.

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Reminds me of a photocopy I took of myself in Detox earlier this Spring, I look as old and dark as I felt. Took this picture in my car/home

 

[Zohmbiebuilds]

Reminds me of a photocopy I took of myself in Detox earlier this Spring, I look as old and dark as I felt. Took this picture in my car/home
View attachment 98633

Now that is some fucking abstract art right there. That's as real as it gets. Aren't you just thankful as fuck we've made it through the middle American drug epidemic. It's crazy. I know that I want to be and stay on the winning side.

I have to stop isolating so much tho, I know it's unhealthy but I have a mental condition where people have become A phobia and going off on public, I won't go to store that don't have self check out. In comfortable here, but if it was a local meeting, many people, I'd probably not go.

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[Zohmbiebuilds]

I love you guys. VU has strong recovery. Not just quiting cigs, were about a healthier lifestyle PERIOD.

God brought me here. My higher power doesn't do things coincidentally. I need you guys. I love the recover thread to!!

I have group tonight at 6 I don't want to go but I have too. For myself. I ain't on probation, I did this for myself. I'm not saying you can't while on probation, it took losing my ex to h*roin overdose. Hehe shot, getting stabbed.. enough is enough.

If any of you guys need to talk I'll text you my phone number. I couldn't pay my bill and low and behold my aunt had paid it for Xmas! I don't have any family but my aunt and God knows great I am.

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[wllmc]

Congrats!!!! very good news and hope nothing but the best and many more good days ahead for you

sent from my phone but thats not the reason for the bad spelling. it is what it is yo.

 

[hellcatrydr]

You'll find a lot of us here that have traveled similar paths. You're really not alone.

Not me though... I'm totally still a virgin.

 

[Zohmbiebuilds]

Not me though... I'm totally still a virgin.

Thanks again hell cat. Thank you all. Recovery is beautiful if you let it work for you.

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[Zohmbiebuilds]

I did a 360 in 90. I lived ate and inhaled deeply and and all recovery. I'm glad I did. I try to hit a meeting everyday still. I go to group 7 times a week. 2 a day Monday and Wednesday. I'm in group now lol

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[wheezy -e]

congrats man, and cool thread. i'm 4 1/2 years clean from h*roin but have really been struggling to quit drinking this last year. not sure why I can't get into 12 step groups again, nothing clicking with me this time. I've really enjoyed them before...

 

[CrazyChef v2.0]

Congrats on getting clean!!! I had a substance abuse problem a little over 20 years ago. After I got out of a 3 day detox, I went to a 30 day rehab. I remember wondering if I was ever gonna feel normal again - the way I felt BEFORE my addiction. It took about a year, but I finally got back to the "normal" weirdo I was prior to my addiction.

Hang in there buddy - it really does get better.

 

[AndriaD]

congrats man, and cool thread. i'm 4 1/2 years clean from h*roin but have really been struggling to quit drinking this last year. not sure why I can't get into 12 step groups again, nothing clicking with me this time. I've really enjoyed them before...

I never really enjoyed them... they were just medicine; not very pleasant, but necessary if you wanna get better. Or maybe just find some different meetings.... they're everywhere!

Andria

 

[Zohmbiebuilds]

I feel like giving up. I don't know why I cannot win. Like just keeps fucking shitting on me. No matter how hard I try.

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[Zohmbiebuilds]

Congrats on getting clean!!! I had a substance abuse problem a little over 20 years ago. After I got out of a 3 day detox, I went to a 30 day rehab. I remember wondering if I was ever gonna feel normal again - the way I felt BEFORE my addiction. It took about a year, but I finally got back to the "normal" weirdo I was prior to my addiction.

Hang in there buddy - it really does get better.

Brother I feel like that now. I am sober but life is only getting harder and harder. I am struggling to deal with life because I've been severely addicted to drugs since 14 years old. I have very few coping skills. I feel lost and alone today. This is the most depressed ive been in a long time.

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[AndriaD]

Brother I feel like that now. I am sober but life is only getting harder and harder. I am struggling to deal with life because I've been severely addicted to drugs since 14 years old. I have very few coping skills. I feel lost and alone today. This is the most depressed ive been in a long time.

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Depression is part of recovery. You have to learn that happiness does NOT come from outside you, but from inside -- you have to LEARN those coping skills, you can't expect them to just suddenly appear. You won't learn them by not having to cope with anything -- coping with shit is how you learn! As I've often told my son about so many things... "Can't never could, because can't didn't even try."

Andria

 

[Zohmbiebuilds]

Thank you Andria, your completely right. Happened comes from within. I just lost my brother to the addiction. You know what, it has me fucked up, but in a positive way it's hard to explain. I hate that I ducked and dodged him like I did leading up to his death but I realize that had I have "been there" I might not have almost 6 months sober. Flat out, I can't go back. The cravings have been removed partially by my faith in a higher power. I cannot live that way. I love my new life as fucking hard as it is I love it. I love staying up late watching my lame paranormal shows, and getting up early with a cup of coffee and building on Saturday and Sunday mornings before my meetings.

I am doing another 90n90 to honor my brother, and help keep my head right.

Love you guys. I'm the biggest lame not going out tonight to celebrate. And I'm ok with that. I'm cooking the entire halfway house dinner tonight.

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[AndriaD]

Thank you Andria, your completely right. Happened comes from within. I just lost my brother to the addiction. You know what, it has me fucked up, but in a positive way it's hard to explain. I hate that I ducked and dodged him like I did leading up to his death but I realize that had I have "been there" I might not have almost 6 months sober. Flat out, I can't go back. The cravings have been removed partially by my faith in a higher power. I cannot live that way. I love my new life as fucking hard as it is I love it. I love staying up late watching my lame paranormal shows, and getting up early with a cup of coffee and building on Saturday and Sunday mornings before my meetings.

I am doing another 90n90 to honor my brother, and help keep my head right.

Love you guys. I'm the biggest lame not going out tonight to celebrate. And I'm ok with that. I'm cooking the entire halfway house dinner tonight.

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I'm very sorry to hear of your loss; it's always hard to lose someone you love, no matter how it happened. I lost my mom in Oct 2016 to diabetes complicated by cirrhosis, because she wouldn't give up binging on fucking SUGAR! And I feel bad because I avoided her entirely, no speaking or anything, for the last 4 months of her life... but I just couldn't stand to watch what she was doing to herself, I KNEW it was going to kill her, and she wouldn't fucking listen; she'd even get mad if people tried to get thru to her about it, and I couldn't stand how ugly she would act to me when I was trying to get her to save her life. You may be right; if you had "been there" for him, who knows, you might not have been able to stay strong for yourself. Hang tough. It DOES get better.


Andria

 

[Zohmbiebuilds]

I'm very sorry to hear of your loss; it's always hard to lose someone you love, no matter how it happened. I lost my mom in Oct 2016 to diabetes complicated by cirrhosis, because she wouldn't give up binging on fucking SUGAR! And I feel bad because I avoided her entirely, no speaking or anything, for the last 4 months of her life... but I just couldn't stand to watch what she was doing to herself, I KNEW it was going to kill her, and she wouldn't fucking listen; she'd even get mad if people tried to get thru to her about it, and I couldn't stand how ugly she would act to me when I was trying to get her to save her life. You may be right; if you had "been there" for him, who knows, you might not have been able to stay strong for yourself. Hang tough. It DOES get better.


Andria

I appreciate all the love you show towards me and others. Your like the VU Mommy. I just want my mommy!!! But that's the best part of being a man, is acting like a man. It's ok to cry and grieve but at some point I've got to realize what it is. I must keep trudging along. For fuck sake I haven't seen my daughter since she was born she 4 now. Luckily my aunt adopted her but I have been told I'm not welcome. Fine, she's going to eventually want to know who her dad is and all I can do now is stay strong for that. And for all my Vu family

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[AndriaD]

I appreciate all the love you show towards me and others. Your like the VU Mommy. I just want my mommy!!! But that's the best part of being a man, is acting like a man. It's ok to cry and grieve but at some point I've got to realize what it is. I must keep trudging along. For fuck sake I haven't seen my daughter since she was born she 4 now. Luckily my aunt adopted her but I have been told I'm not welcome. Fine, she's going to eventually want to know who her dad is and all I can do now is stay strong for that. And for all my Vu family

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All you really can do is become someone you'd WANT your child to be around -- which is exactly why after I learned I was preggers, I never had the slightest desire for hard drugs ever again, and was really fucking grateful I had already given them up about 3 months earlier; one of my major reasons for quitting them was that I got sick and damn tired of all the skanky people I had to associate with in that life, and I sure as hell didn't want any of that around my child. Then when he was 4, I realized that if I didn't knock off drinking immediately, I wasn't going to live long enough to even see him start school, nevermind see him grow up, so booze had to go too.

BTW, we have the same phone -- gotta love that huge phablet. I got mine just over a year ago, for last year's xmas present from my husband, and still love it, but I need a new case for it; it's showing a year's use pretty badly.

Andria