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The Light at the End of the Tunnel
- Thread starter ghost62
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This is the hurdle I've been trying to get myself over.
36 yrs old and yet to be in a loving healthy relationship. Seems like I'm always attracted to the ones that have big issues of their own.
Not to take anything away from or belittle those ladies in any way but I finally realized I need to set some higher standards for myself.
Convincing myself that I am worthy of a good woman with good values is part of that mental hurdle for me.
So I've decided to hunker down and focus on my sobriety and sound mind and let life run its natural course and continue to pray and wait for some wonderful woman to show up and be my mate. In other words I'm gonna not be so desperate and codependent. Learn to be comfortable in my own scales and enjoy life to its fullest whether I be single or not.
Couldn't have said it better.
Is that open to interpretation?
kelli
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Me too. I'm lying on my pillow as a type and if in not careful I'm gonna drop this face on my face. Nite dear. Sleep tight. Mind the bed bugs don't bite
Frawg
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I really like this meditation. I hope I can be mindful of this all day. Thank you ghost62
Yeah, I needed this today, thanks for the share.
I got into in with my boss yesterday. I was honest, stated my case when asked to, was not out of line, but was rather forceful in how I handled myself. I left her office angry, but at the same time, felt good that I didn't say things the way I really wanted to say them. 11th step prayer card should go with me and in my pocket for my own moments of pausing when agitated..... remove from pocket, read and repeat as needed. (no, I still don't have it memorized, lol) It's been a while since I held a grudge. REALLY. This one has been digging into me since last Thursday. Actually, I'm pretty sure I'm the one that needs to let go. Grudges don't have claws.
But they do have teeth. I've had them gnaw at me for years until I learned to let go.
It's just not worth my serenity.
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Tornadoalleydeb
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It is really hard sometimes to not hold a grudge. I do better sometimes than others. My mother in law is the hardest, as she is just such a nasty woman. I cringe when I know they are coming to visit. Hubby seems to think she's pees gold or something LOL As I have gotten older I have learned to hit my knees a little quicker when she is around. But man, I can stew in that crap. I think praying for her is the hardest for me. God, please let a telephone pole fall over and hit that witch on the head.....................WELL, no one told me WHAT I had to pray for! (snicker)
There's a big difference between unconditionally loving everyone and LIKING everyone.
Each person has their own struggles and their own demons that sometimes make them unpleasant to be around.
We're free to allow ourselves the right to not like them, but, if we love ourselves, loving them frees us from having to carry around all of that negativity.
It's a fine line sometimes, but it gets easier.
So they tell me.
VapingHippie
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The best thing to do in that situation is to keep silent and smile at her. Really it makes people like that paranoid, they tend to think your plotting something. It catches them off guard. If they ask you why your smiling, just laugh a little bit and walk away. Believe me, it really screws with their minds.
The best thing to do in that situation is to keep silent and smile at her. Really it makes people like that paranoid, they tend to think your plotting something. It catches them off guard. If they ask you why your smiling, just laugh a little bit and walk away. Believe me, it really screws with their minds.
I just love this idea!
It must work amazingly on those who are already paranoid eh?
C.B.
Today went better. She and I talked calmly to one another. We each got to say what was on our mind in a more private manner and everything went very well. I'm very glad for that. Thankful. Just wanted to update, I guess. Along the lines of not having to like everyone, we also don't have to like what they do and can still love them. My God, who am to judge? We were both angry and reacted to that. In the past I wouldn't have cared at all, more so, felt that that person deserved my wrath. No one does. It made me look at me. So now I can look at me.
How do you deal with those who had problems with alcohol and expect you not to drink when you've never had those problems?
Do you just give in to their demand?
I have not since it was in social situation.
I am not familiar with NA or AA.
I found the hypocrisy to much to deal with on top of trying to get clean.
When I say that, I mean the drunks looked down on the druggies,The druggies looked down on the drinking druggies, the drinking druggies were trading pills to everyone and claiming to be sober.........It was very hard to sit through a meeting when I had just seen all of this and everyone was standing up claiming to be "clean".
The lies were more than I wanted to deal with.
C.B.
Do you just give in to their demand?
I have not since it was in social situation.
I am not familiar with NA or AA.
I found the hypocrisy to much to deal with on top of trying to get clean.
When I say that, I mean the drunks looked down on the druggies,The druggies looked down on the drinking druggies, the drinking druggies were trading pills to everyone and claiming to be sober.........It was very hard to sit through a meeting when I had just seen all of this and everyone was standing up claiming to be "clean".
The lies were more than I wanted to deal with.
C.B.
In regards to meetings, I've always heard, "Take what you need, leave the rest". I don't agree with everything I see and hear and that works for me. I've learned to think for myself and speak up (which is still very hard for me to do). I'll give particular meetings a chance if it's new to me, especially if I didn't like it. If after a number of meetings I still don't like it, then I go to a different one. Many of them (the people in them) teach me who I don't want to be. Sad, but true.
We have over 400 meetings a week in the metro area, so I have too many options to tell my sponsor I don't like it. I had most of a lifetime of lying about stupid things, a bad attitude, being angry (at myself & taking it out on others), and being horribly judgemental. I didn't change over night. AA completely freaked me out when I started going. My drug of choice was opiates, but I drank and smoked, too and really thought they'd tell me I was in the wrong place. They didn't. They were incredibly welcoming.
We have over 400 meetings a week in the metro area, so I have too many options to tell my sponsor I don't like it. I had most of a lifetime of lying about stupid things, a bad attitude, being angry (at myself & taking it out on others), and being horribly judgemental. I didn't change over night. AA completely freaked me out when I started going. My drug of choice was opiates, but I drank and smoked, too and really thought they'd tell me I was in the wrong place. They didn't. They were incredibly welcoming.
This may not be exactly what you want to hear but a dug is a drug is a drug. Alcohol, h*roin (all *piates), T*C, barbituates and **phetamines all hit almost exactly the same receptors in the brain.How do you deal with those who had problems with alcohol and expect you not to drink when you've never had those problems?
Do you just give in to their demand?
I have not since it was in social situation.
I am not familiar with NA or AA.
I found the hypocrisy to much to deal with on top of trying to get clean.
When I say that, I mean the drunks looked down on the druggies,The druggies looked down on the drinking druggies, the drinking druggies were trading pills to everyone and claiming to be sober.........It was very hard to sit through a meeting when I had just seen all of this and everyone was standing up claiming to be "clean".
The lies were more than I wanted to deal with.
C.B.
My drug of choice was ALWAYS alcohol. I tried m*rijuana once- it gave me a headache and got in the way of my drinking.
For me, does that mean my only problem is with alcohol and I can use pills without consequence?
Nope. My addiction will latch on to whatever I feed it. I'm waiting on a hip replacement (old football injury and years of stupidity) and deal with pretty severe chronic pain as a result. My doctor was aware that I'm an addict so he prescribed a common, supposedly non-addictive painkiller. It only took three doses (precisely as directed) to set me off.
I found myself scheming and planning, trying to figure out a way drink without anyone knowing. My mind began intensifying the pain so I would be tempted to take larger doses. A part of my mind was even tempted to see if I could talk my doc into actual narcotic painkillers.
When I realized what was happening, I flushed the pills and immediately called my sponsor.
It took over two weeks before the cravings passed and I began to feel normal again.
Despite the fact that it was supposed to be non-habit forming, my disease didn't care and wanted more and more.
My reaction was sudden and massive but I've seen the opposite end of the spectrum as well when an addict substitutes one drug for another. One person that I was fairly close to had been abusing c*caine for years, got clean, got her life back on track and thought that she could handle a beer once in a while. Her disease let her get away with that for months, slowly increasing it's hold on her until she was in full blown addiction again. It was subtle and slow, but addiction is patient and insidious.
Her children are in foster care now and, last time I saw her, the veins on her arms were abscessed from shooting up.
Is it possible that I could use some other kind of drug successfully?
Sure. It's possible.
But I have too much to lose today to take that chance.
As far as hypocrisy goes, addicts will be addicts and will ALWAYS try to justify what they are doing. It's part of the disease.
Again, might not be what you wanted to hear but that's the truth as I've come to know it.
Your truth may be different and that's cool but I had to share my personal experience with that mindset- not judging, just sharing.
kelli
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@Fishee hi hon.
@cigarbabe i can't do meetings either. the ones i have been to, i just sat in the back. i cannot get up in front of people with my social anxiety and phobias. but i am happy for those that the meetings do help.
@kelli hello sweetheart.
I'm pretty much right there with you and @cigarbabe on the group thing. I see that it has its place and helps tons of people but not so much for me.
Although as a parole requirement I do have to have a certain amount of group counseling.
So far its been a once a week deal and I've learned to embrace it and get as much out of it as I can.
But in a few months I will only be going once a month. However, I will then be required to go out and find another group setting of my choosing. Whether it be NA, AA, some kind of men's group, church group or something along those lines. But I'm really not hip to the idea of any of those things.
But once again I will look for the positives and make the most out of the situation. And I can even see that there is a place where I can be grateful for the parole requirements because if left to my own self I likely would not go seeking the support I may need.
I'm pretty much right there with you and @cigarbabe on the group thing. I see that it has its place and helps tons of people but not so much for me.
Although as a parole requirement I do have to have a certain amount of group counseling.
So far its been a once a week deal and I've learned to embrace it and get as much out of it as I can.
But in a few months I will only be going once a month. However, I will then be required to go out and find another group setting of my choosing. Whether it be NA, AA, some kind of men's group, church group or something along those lines. But I'm really not hip to the idea of any of those things.
But once again I will look for the positives and make the most out of the situation. And I can even see that there is a place where I can be grateful for the parole requirements because if left to my own self I likely would not go seeking the support I may need.
As far as meetings go, I heard a great quote a couple months ago- 'Meetings are absolutely necessary because if the only person you have to learn from its yourself, you never learn anything.'
Sometimes the best thing we can learn from others is what NOT to do.
I like that a lot. And it has definitely been true for me. I have seen a lot of dudes get themselves in wrecks in group and it definitely helped me take notice of what NOT to do.
Thanks for the interesting perspectives ghost62, Fishee and Kelli.
I don't think there is much I don't want to hear ghost simply because every situation may be different?
Though I find we have much in common in general our triggers or habits can and may be at opposite ends of the spectrum.
I was never much for speaking publicly until I became a host on a vaping show....
Who knew!
Enjoy the weekend everyone!
C.B.
I don't think there is much I don't want to hear ghost simply because every situation may be different?
Though I find we have much in common in general our triggers or habits can and may be at opposite ends of the spectrum.
I was never much for speaking publicly until I became a host on a vaping show....
Who knew!
Enjoy the weekend everyone!
C.B.
Daily meditation
http://www.jftna.org/jft/
http://www.jftna.org/jft/
Yeah I noticed that too.
I dropped in several times.
Yesterday was a pretty darn good day for me.
Hope today is also.
And hope for the same thing for all the rest of you fine folks.
Good morning, guys! Sittin' here with my cuppa joe. Things are good on my end. Goofed around a lot yesterday, made some samples.
I tried one of those ONCE. I understand the wanting to wake up part, but couldn't tolerate the flavor. I like the coffee flavored Rockstars.
Frawg
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I've been busy. Work went from 2 days a week to the possibility of 4-5 days a week. I drive 2hrs each way to the shop so by the end of the day I'm exhausted, and when I come home to no internet I give up and go to bed.
Its looking like I get to have a run-in with pain meds this next week. Lost a filling, broke the tooth, am trying to wait patiently for 8am tomorrow to come so I can make an appointment. Theres nothing left, they'll have to yank it, I'm not in the financial place to pay for a $1800 root canal and crown, I'm barely able to pay for the extraction right now. So getting more hours at work helps (even if the car needs tires worse than I need a tooth extracted).
Its looking like I get to have a run-in with pain meds this next week. Lost a filling, broke the tooth, am trying to wait patiently for 8am tomorrow to come so I can make an appointment. Theres nothing left, they'll have to yank it, I'm not in the financial place to pay for a $1800 root canal and crown, I'm barely able to pay for the extraction right now. So getting more hours at work helps (even if the car needs tires worse than I need a tooth extracted).
Congratulations on more hours. Life is about more than money, but, damn, it sure makes things a lot easier.
I feel for ya going thru dental issues- I broke a tooth and had to have it pulled a couple months ago. Not fun, the cool part is that nothing very good OR very bad lasts for very long.
I thought I'd share another little part of my story. A couple of years ago I became sick, made myself homeless for a few months and lived in a van. Whilst homeless I used to visit this old man in the early mornings who slept on the beach. He kept asking me to take him to this charity that could help him as he didn't want to go alone because he was afraid. So I took him. That's how they found and helped me. I never saw that old man again. I think I saw him last year walking through the city but I'm not sure.
I met a lot of homeless people who I still go to see. In winter we go out at 4am if it freezes to wake them up.. or they won't be waking up. They don't have the Internet or food or heating. In fact, they have nothing. A couple of hours out there isn't a lot of hard work for me. Try it this year. It builds character. Their life's are my allegiance. That's where my heart goes out. This is part of a series of films we made to raise funding for them after I found a home. I still work for a few charities in Brighton. The greatest power on this earth and in the human spirit to help yourself is to help others. I've got hair now btw
I met a lot of homeless people who I still go to see. In winter we go out at 4am if it freezes to wake them up.. or they won't be waking up. They don't have the Internet or food or heating. In fact, they have nothing. A couple of hours out there isn't a lot of hard work for me. Try it this year. It builds character. Their life's are my allegiance. That's where my heart goes out. This is part of a series of films we made to raise funding for them after I found a home. I still work for a few charities in Brighton. The greatest power on this earth and in the human spirit to help yourself is to help others. I've got hair now btw
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Such an amazing story, Hobby Kid. I'm so glad you're here with us.
I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible for you Frawg.
And I understand the concern you have with the meds.
I'm just so thankful that we have this place to share our thoughts and concerns with each other. And I thank you for sharing yours.
We got your back.
Thanks @Huckleberried . I guess I've also seen lots of sh** but I choose not to live as a victim. I believe in looking for a way to turn circumstances around and living as a victor. We should never feel ashamed or inferior for having had troubles in our lives. Nor try and hide it so people don't think less of us. We are successes going somewhere to happen.
Ok.. so my mind is way off center today and feelin' squirly.
Talked myself out of leaving the house with a pocket full of money to go who knows where.
Have 1 1/2 hours till i have to pick up the kids and i will be fine.
Talked myself out of leaving the house with a pocket full of money to go who knows where.
Have 1 1/2 hours till i have to pick up the kids and i will be fine.
If you're anything like me you probably need something to occupy your mind.
I can exercise take walks do yard work all sorts of physical activities but if my mind is not occupied then it wonders or fixates and that when temptations become a problem.
So maybe if you find an activity that makes you have to focus a lot of your brain power on and/or problem solving or meditation maybe that would be a help to you for keeping your mind from going to those thoughts that you don't want to have.
I don't know what kind of person you are so it's hard to know what suits you. You can have some indoor hobbies to make things or decorate or have some exercise equipment. Or download an ebook to listen to on a long walk. Exercise refreshes the mind, even if it's just mildly done.
Frawg
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Thank you fishee. I'm back from my appt. Mom always told me never do things halfway. I'm sure my dentist wishes I didn't listen so well. I took the script & got it filled. I'd regret not doing it later. Long story, tooth wasn't saveable, complicated surgical extraction and it involved my sinus, so pain meds were a requirement. My dentist is awesome & I got way more care than what I'm paying for, and very little risk of a dry socket. No vaping til Thursday but I plan on reading & sleeping most of the pain away. Now to hope the cats don't decide I need to be fluffed.I hope it all goes as smoothly as possible for you Frawg.
And I understand the concern you have with the meds.
I'm just so thankful that we have this place to share our thoughts and concerns with each other. And I thank you for sharing yours.
We got your back.