The Walmart Rules: Please add to

[MoocH 1]

The Walmart Rules
Brought to you by The TVA Show (blog section)
Lets face it...you go to Walmart. Oh sure, you have a slick "anti corporation" rant ready should you see those elitist friends of yours, but you go...and you love it.
We here at The TVA Show know that the real fun of Walmart is the consumers of Walmart. But did you know that there are rules to being a customer?
If they got by you, no worries, we have you covered. Please add your Walmart rules underneath.
Presenting: The Walmart Customer Rules.



1)all children must be accompanied by an adult and should only be brought between the hours of 10pm and 3 am

Infants only.



Please make sure they're unrested, loud and wearing diapers with a NASCAR logo that turns bright if they've soiled themselves
Please leave all diapers in your car. Toilet covers available if needed.



2)all guests with carts will only use buggies with squeaky wheels and travel in the center of the isle going against customer traffic.

If you need something on an isle more than two lanes away please leave your cart in front of a popular item like coffee, making sure to block access for no more than thirty minutes.


3) After 8 pm nightwear and lingerie are totally acceptable if you plan to fornicate in isles of non frozen items.

4) All white men over the age of 47 will wear t shirts one size below their body type. This will continue our biological study of belly exposure in l.e.d. lighting

5) Women 26 and younger are required to wear 48 hours worth of facial makeup.


If your eyebrows do not meet the standard requirement we have check points to apply the appropriate amounts for you. Levels that meet our standards of eye brow appliance are verified by achieving the following looks. Shocked, mortified, scared for your life and Joan rivers.

6) Conversely women 30 and over will not wear make up of any type.

Please remove all hair product and keep in hair tied with appropriate sweat stains.

Women may wear any variety of shirts ranging from too big to bed sheet and require a minimum of one overt sexual suggestion on all shirts ranging from three x and above.
For example : a four x shirt may have the slogan "my kitty may be hairy but at least it's smooth when wet"



7) All cd and radio appliances must be tested by turning on no less than three receivers to full blast, all on different stations.

We allow a ten minute window for Clodhopping.


8) All yo boys (also known as wiggers in the 90's) will congregate and walk in troops of no less than three to a unit.

The accumulated income of this faction will be 5 thousand dollars a year and requires that one person from the faction have a rap crew written on the back of a knock off jacket.

All participants must have threatening tattoos that say "Thug Life" paid for with their girl friends income and live at home with an alcoholic mother.


For more life altering information of this type- please listen to The TVA Show and Subscribe today (available on itunes, podkicker, soundcloud and all other major podcast applications http://www.thetvashow.com/ )
Please add to the list below

 

[Warhawk-AVG]

Let me introduce you to the song of my people

 

[Cloudy Peak Vapes]

I get almost all my groceries at walmart... Its cheaper than anywhere else, and my close one has all the quality food and produce i can find elsewhere. I do wear a bikini top and leopard print thong every visit, though.

 

[BigNasty]

The help at the local walmart looks more like that than the customers.
The one and only wallymart here for the longest time had morlocks for help that they kept in back... FUCKING hated doing money pick ups there.. I felt bad having to entertain the special folks waiting for the book keepers until the book keepers told me the morlocks yammering at me were not special.... they were just mutants that got the short shitty end of the genetic stick in the sticks. (THINK deliverance toothless dude in the pig scene).

 

[VapinChevy]

Whomever shops at walmart, I pity you! Especially since most of their seafood comes from a Dirty/Shit filled river in Vietnam and is NOT checked by the FDA/USDA before packaging

 

[MoocH 1]

Whomever shops at walmart, I pity you! Especially since most of their seafood comes from a Dirty/Shit filled river in Vietnam and is NOT checked by the FDA/USDA before packaging

Walmart, Apple pie and diabetes #Murica.

 

[BigNasty]

Whomever shops at walmart, I pity you! Especially since most of their seafood comes from a Dirty/Shit filled river in Vietnam and is NOT checked by the FDA/USDA before packaging

You mean China.
Nah the produce is often times local, some great deals to be had if you have one of the grocery wallyworlds in your location. They have great big ass cans of mormon chow emergency prep foods... nothing like a 20lbs can of dehyrated strawberrys.

 

[Cloudy Peak Vapes]

The walmart by me is an anomaly. Normal people, friendliest staff I've met, and they have great fresh produce, even local free range chicken. They have everything I would get at king soopers or Safeway, but it's all a dollar or two cheaper per item. Now in some areas of town... Yeah, it's people of walmart style for sure.

 

[m3rma1d]

Self-checkout machine rule: Machine is required to shit the bed several times during a transaction, so that a drooling employee has to keep coming over to help by mashing a buncha buttons.

Wouldn't it be easier & faster to just have said drooling employee ring up my shit in the traditional way? Gahd I hate self-checkout machines.

 

[glassgrl]

Addendum to #3 regarding Myrtle Beach Wal*marts- Sleepwear is acceptable 8am to 8am, 24/7. During certain Bike Weeks, the lady portrayed in Picture #3, and many of her friends, will be wearing a thong and a tube top the size of a hair band.

 

[Cloudy Peak Vapes]

Self-checkout machine rule: Machine is required to shit the bed several times during a transaction, so that a drooling employee has to keep coming over to help by mashing a buncha buttons.

Wouldn't it be easier & faster to just have said drooling employee ring up my shit in the traditional way? Gahd I hate self-checkout machines.

Yeah, I do my shopping daily to keep my food fresh, and I know all the produce codes I use etc... and I still have those motherfuckers saying I put something in the bag I didn't ring up at least once a transaction. Again, at least my walmart is staffed by competent and normal nice people. I refuse to let others ring me up, they always put my chicken in with other food, even though I bag it with the poultry bags by the meat section, that's a no no for me. Salmonella is not appealing. They also are extremely adept at using 4-5 bags for what I fit in 2-3. Wasteful as fuck.

 

[Fuzzy Bruce]

I get almost all my groceries at walmart... Its cheaper than anywhere else, and my close one has all the quality food and produce i can find elsewhere. I do wear a bikini top and leopard print thong every visit, though.

NO PICTURES,,, PLEASE!!!

 

[travanx]

We are lucky. A Walmart grocery opened a few blocks from one of the best grocery stores half a mile from us in the Los Angeles area. Both have really fresh produce and great prices. Walmart wins most of the time because its almost always empty. Its funny when I tell people how great the Walmart is because they think its the major warehouse. The only problems I see are the people paying with EBT either bossing the workers to get them their food while at checkout, or just leaving their cart at the checkout and walking out.

Self checkout is always faster than having a worker do it.

The couple of times I have been to the big Walmart store, not close, its quite an experience. Driving and walking around any part of LA does not prepare you for this adventure. The question I have is where do these people come from??? Its like entering a place where all of the wildest stereotypes come true.

 

[UncleRJ]

Few people know that Walmart is actually testing out the maximum capacities on the Handifat carts they provide to customers that really should not be shopping for food in the first place.




This is an obvious fail.

 

[Cloudy Peak Vapes]

So I had to head to the office to pick up my pay, and decided to go to another walmart. Still has fresh and great produce, but definitely has an interesting crowd. I feel like I'm just lucky regarding the food, I suppose. As I said, it's fresh, quality, and cheap. For instance, Quaker oats are cheaper than the generic Kroger at king soopers. The employees are nicer, too. I have the unicorn of walmarts I suppose. I think it really depends on the area of town it's in, as do most grocery stores.

 

[ghost62]

 

[ghost62]

View attachment 6335

Oh yeah... A rule.
Ask for ASSistance in reaching difficult items...

 

[BigNasty]

So I had the GENIUS idea last night.
So after rite aide and wal greens fucked me around on the price of my antibiotics we headed to walmart...so sweating bullets, in a truck load of pain, face swelling up and my jaw throbbing I went into walmart....

They had a confrontational greeter... the POWM were out in force. As my nerves started fraying I got my stuff and moved on to WINCO with is like a cross between costco (without membership) and walmart for pricing.
I call it combat shopping.

 

[UncleRJ]

The Walmart Pharmacy is your source of supply for custom pharmaceuticals.

http://republicanredefined.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Wal-Mart-****-Lab-500x282.jpg

If they don't have what you need, they will cheerfully sell you the ingredients to make your own.

 

[HoseGarden]

no employee shall ever know where any item is located in the store...this includes the entrance and exit

 

[MEENMAN83]

"I went to the local Walmart and asked for a grill for steaks the worker handed me a curling iron. I said what am I supposed to do stick this up the cows ass" Nick Di Paolo

 

[Demoniacal]

"I went to the local Walmart and asked for a grill for steaks the worker handed me a curling iron. I said what am I supposed to do stick this up the cows ass" Nick Di Paolo

 

[glassgrl]

So I had the GENIUS idea last night.
So after rite aide and wal greens fucked me around on the price of my antibiotics we headed to walmart...so sweating bullets, in a truck load of pain, face swelling up and my jaw throbbing I went into walmart....

They had a confrontational greeter... the POWM were out in force. As my nerves started fraying I got my stuff and moved on to WINCO with is like a cross between costco (without membership) and walmart for pricing.
I call it combat shopping.

Off topic- Try your local grocery store pharmacy too. When I had insurance, they charged me $4-$10 per generic Rx, including antibiotics. They charged me $0 for the same antibiotic with no health insurance. No idea why or how that happened.

 

[Zamazam]

 

[HoseGarden]

@Zamazam brain bleach please

 

[UncleRJ]

$12.98 a pound?

Thinking thats like $5,000 US dollars!

 

[UncleRJ]

 

[Zamazam]

I shop at wallyworld, I get my ideas for Halloween from what I see. Otherwise it's a fairly cheap place to get groceries and hemorrhoid cream.

 

[HoseGarden]

coincidentally, im headed to walmart right now!!

 

[cherrycakes]

coincidentally, im headed to walmart right now!!

U poor thing

 

[glassgrl]

coincidentally, im headed to walmart right now!!

Don't forget to take pictures.

 

[HoseGarden]

back

no news to report

 

[Thunderball]

For a short period of time when I lived in Alabama, My 17 year old daughter would be asked out on dates and the boy (dressed in Camo of course) would take her to Walmart and hang out there on a Friday night.
It was funny then and its still funny to me now.

 

[HoseGarden]

For a short period of time when I lived in Alabama, My 17 year old daughter would be asked out on dates and the boy (dressed in Camo of course) would take her to Walmart and hang out there on a Friday night.
It was funny then and its still funny to me now.

walmart is like going to an amusement park in the south. i discovered this a couple years ago on a cross country road trip

 

[VapinChevy]

You mean China.
Nah the produce is often times local, some great deals to be had if you have one of the grocery wallyworlds in your location. They have great big ass cans of mormon chow emergency prep foods... nothing like a 20lbs can of dehyrated strawberrys.

Yes some of the food in Wal-Mart is China.... Just DON'T get the fish 90% is from Vietnam, unless you like un-checked sh*t with your fish... just saying

 

[VapinChevy]

To all who love the seafood's in wal-mart. Here ya go http://www.examiner.com/article/don-t-eat-the-fish *HAPPY EATING*

 

[BigNasty]

Yes some of the food in Wal-Mart is China.... Just DON'T get the fish 90% is from Vietnam, unless you like un-checked sh*t with your fish... just saying

They have the mormon made emergency prep food.. the apple and strawberries are pretty kick ass.
They have hometown brand noodles... damned good egg noodles IMHO.
Wilcox farm cage free eggs.
Dave's powerseed bread 1-2 bucks cheaper than most other places.

The only meat I get from there and have has been the jack links sausage.
Also cheaper than anywhere else for popcorn and also for coconut oil.

 

[VapinChevy]

They have the mormon made emergency prep food.. the apple and strawberries are pretty kick ass.
They have hometown brand noodles... damned good egg noodles IMHO.
Wilcox farm cage free eggs.
Dave's powerseed bread 1-2 bucks cheaper than most other places.

The only meat I get from there and have has been the jack links sausage.
Also cheaper than anywhere else for popcorn and also for coconut oil.

They have the mormon made emergency prep food.. the apple and strawberries are pretty kick ass.
They have hometown brand noodles... damned good egg noodles IMHO.
Wilcox farm cage free eggs.
Dave's powerseed bread 1-2 bucks cheaper than most other places.

The only meat I get from there and have has been the jack links sausage.
Also cheaper than anywhere else for popcorn and also for coconut oil.

True true on what you've said!

 

[Steam Powered]

I've wondered if the day will come when WalMart starts selling juice and mods........

 

[UncleRJ]

To all who love the seafood's in wal-mart. Here ya go http://www.examiner.com/article/don-t-eat-the-fish *HAPPY EATING*

Wow! Thanks for that find. I am going to start reading the labels. Anything wrong with fish caught in the ocean do you know?

 

[Hobby Kid]

Few people know that Walmart is actually testing out the maximum capacities on the Handifat carts they provide to customers that really should not be shopping for food in the first place.

View attachment 6334


This is an obvious fail.

Maybe they never tipped. Maybe they were so hungry they just dived off their buggy into the shelf!

 

[MoocH 1]

I've wondered if the day will come when WalMart starts selling juice and mods........

It'll be either/or brother. If the great consortium of the FDA/pharma/tobacco get their way then , yes.
Imagine this; The advent of the vacuum created an industry. It took vacuum sales people to explain, demonstrate and pitch the vacuum to the average home. As technology incorporates it into the market place and chain goods stores replace the working man the salesman is replaced by the counter worker (that makes exactly half of the salesman's salary).
It's feasible, then, that the vaping industry could become the same. Especially if you consider that the only devices the government wants you to have will be manufactured by tobacco. They will do this under the guise of "protecting you by making unalterable devices." Thus eliminating the need for specific type of sales people. Of course this will be to monopolize the market...like I'm telling you something you don't know.
The alternative to that, of course, is to stay on course with the Cell phone store model. Much like that industry we have a collection of dealer stores and authorized agents creating third party and dealer direct locations. Also like the cell phone business, these stores receive scrutiny. The unfortunate irony is that all of these major concepts inevitably get swallowed by retail and destroy local business. Long distance carriers, Home service, cell phones all examples of industries that operated outside the lines of traditional retail that are now extinct or cheaper at walmart.
What preserved the cell phone industry was the massive growth of the corporate locations. It did, however, eventually necessitate that the major corps (verizon, sprint, t-mobile etc) undercut mom and pop locations and they have been slowly forced away from the business over the last 7 years. This is why there are far less cell phone stores called "So and so wireless" and far more stores called "Verizon."
So yes, it's very likely to see 'provape' stores and walmart mods in a world where local shops go away. They only alternative is to flood the market with locations until a politician would be crucified for harming the economy by messing with the structure.

 

[Steam Powered]

They only alternative is to flood the market with locations until a politician would be crucified for harming the economy by messing with the structure.

And from my view into the future this would be the best case scenario.

 

[MoocH 1]

And from my view into the future this would be the best case scenario.

That's the way I preach it on our show, man.

 

[BigNasty]

It'll be either/or brother. If the great consortium of the FDA/pharma/tobacco get their way then , yes.
Imagine this; The advent of the vacuum created an industry. It took vacuum sales people to explain, demonstrate and pitch the vacuum to the average home. As technology incorporates it into the market place and chain goods stores replace the working man the salesman is replaced by the counter worker (that makes exactly half of the salesman's salary).
It's feasible, then, that the vaping industry could become the same. Especially if you consider that the only devices the government wants you to have will be manufactured by tobacco. They will do this under the guise of "protecting you by making unalterable devices." Thus eliminating the need for specific type of sales people. Of course this will be to monopolize the market...like I'm telling you something you don't know.
The alternative to that, of course, is to stay on course with the Cell phone store model. Much like that industry we have a collection of dealer stores and authorized agents creating third party and dealer direct locations. Also like the cell phone business, these stores receive scrutiny. The unfortunate irony is that all of these major concepts inevitably get swallowed by retail and destroy local business. Long distance carriers, Home service, cell phones all examples of industries that operated outside the lines of traditional retail that are now extinct or cheaper at walmart.
What preserved the cell phone industry was the massive growth of the corporate locations. It did, however, eventually necessitate that the major corps (verizon, sprint, t-mobile etc) undercut mom and pop locations and they have been slowly forced away from the business over the last 7 years. This is why there are far less cell phone stores called "So and so wireless" and far more stores called "Verizon."
So yes, it's very likely to see 'provape' stores and walmart mods in a world where local shops go away. They only alternative is to flood the market with locations until a politician would be crucified for harming the economy by messing with the structure.

I would say the analogy to cell phones is kind of correct. Except there was to much shady shit in that industry that caused the downfall of the mom and pop and third party shops.
The under cutting by volume hurt it, think best buy and circuit city.
The mom and pop going for the cash instead of what the customer actually wanted... not the mention the ass raping they often times hid in extra contracts.

Then the carriers adding the extra special fuck you rules on top of those mom and pop shops.

If vaping goes the way of the cell industry i am out.

 

[m3rma1d]

Just for @UncleRJ ... Found a pic of a handifat convoy!

LOL the "sporting goods" department.

 

[cherrycakes]

Holy shit it's a herd

 

[UncleRJ]

Just for @UncleRJ ... Found a pic of a handifat convoy!

LOL the "sporting goods" department.

What are they gearing up to hunt?

Twinkies

 

[Zamazam]

Holy shit it's a herd

A herd of Peepalos!

 

[glassgrl]

His and hers and hers TV-side coolers.