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A Spin Off of Keep a Word/Drop a Word and Music, Pics, and Whatnot

gopher_byrd

gopher_byrd

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Good thing for today. I spent this afternoon working on a new raised bed for my garden. I got the cardboard down, the bed frame moved into place and good start on getting it filled with soil. It's another 4x8x1 so I have to move 32 cubic feet of soil into it.
 
Bliss Doubt

Bliss Doubt

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SirKadly said:
I will say this on the subject:

Being asocial is primarily about being something of a loner, not needing the social interactions that many people seek out. Not necessarily a bad thing, but often misunderstood.

Antisocial is a frequently misused word, including by me just a moment ago. Most of the time when the typical person uses the term antisocial they really are referring to someone who is asocial. Being antisocial in the sense I just used the word though, while still not technically correct, was intended to mean that instead of simply not desiring to be around people I have begun to actively avoid it at all costs. This is far less healthy simply because it's no longer about being more comfortable living as a loner and introvert, it's about I guess protecting myself from rejection and abandonment and pain. It's about avoiding any remote possibility of connecting. In the end though even the most asocial person in the world needs connection in some fashion.

I have begun to allow myself to find that connection here, and even begun to experience a degree of healing in just a few short months, when isolating myself for the past few years hasn't helped. But at the same time, I am beginning to realize that taking my asocial behavior to this extreme has resulted in a profound sense of loneliness. Some friends I've lost because they drifted away, but others because I pushed them away, not wanting to face the pain if they too eventually moved on from my life.

In short this is who I have become, and I no longer want to be this person:

View attachment 213261
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I was going to stay out of this discussion, but it stayed on my mind.

These are the situations:

1. I'm afraid to be in this conversation because these people are so smart they make me feel stupid. I'm afraid of sounding stupid, so I keep my mouth shut, and eventually I go sit on the porch and drink by myself.

2. These people are such asses, I'm thinking "how can all of yall be so stupid all together at once, I just have to go sit outside and drink by myself".

3. I'm enjoying the civility of the gathering, but it's boring as all getout. I just want to sit on the porch and drink my wine alone, with my head in my own elevated thoughts.

4. This is church, so I have to be quiet, but I like it. Everybody's all dressed up, being nice, being quiet, except when we're singing together. It's a good Reverend at the podium, saying the kind of prayers that resonate in everyones hearts as we bow our heads together. The conversation afterwards is easy, "hi, how are ya, how are the kids, bye".

5. I know the people who are going to be at this party tonite, and I don't wanna go.

6. I don't know the people who will be at this party, so I kinda want to go, but not by myself. Dial dial, ring ring, wanna go to a party?

7. Museums are fun when you're alone. Nobody to comment on the spinach between Venus's teeth and wreck your high brow sensibility. But I do wonder what to do about my pants riding up, without reaching around and yanking them out of my crack.

8. I hate shopping unless the store is empty. Nothing worse than when two people reach at the same time for last pair of clearance panties at Victoria's Secret.

9. Eating in restaurants with people or alone, is okay. Either way there's the food.

10. I hate public restrooms unless they're big, clean and empty. One time long ago at a nightclub there was a long, long line outside the ladies' room, but the men's room was empty. But the men's room didn't have a lock on the door. I'd rather take a chance than wet myself in public. Of course some big burly man walked in while I was, er, ya know...

11. The worst thing is when you try to compliment someone and it doesn't come out right. Like when I told a professional fundraiser she was the one the company was bound to lose, because successful development directors will always be lured away by an offer from another company trying to replace their ineffective fund raiser. The actual effect was that she thought I was saying she was using the company as a stepping stone. She was mad, so I went out on the balcony to finish my drink alone. She left to go work for another company a few weeks later, so maybe she thought I knew something.

12. Okay maybe #11 isn't actually the worst thing, because the really worst thing is when you're almost at the punch line of your story and someone interrupts you. A former friend of mine was really bad about that. She always got to her punch line without anybody interrupting with a stupid question or comment, but never let anybody else have that courtesy.

I don't actually drink very much, in spite of the many references above.

That is all.
 
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2WhiteWolves

2WhiteWolves

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..:)................................................................
 
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SirKadly

SirKadly

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Cold front moved through here last night also. Still in the 60s at midnight, but in the 20s when I got up this morning.
Guess the good thing for today is, ummm, let's see, it's cold, it's windy, but at least the storms that came with the cold front missed me.
 
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