Become a Patron!

Humour Mill - Smile a Day Challenge

MyMagicMist

Platinum Contributor
Member For 4 Years
ECF Refugee
minion-endangered.jpg
 

gadget!

"The Trader"
VU Donator
Platinum Contributor
Member For 3 Years
VU SWAT
VU Patreon
A DOG NAMED SEX
Everybody who has a dog calls him “Rover” or “Boy.” I call mine “Sex.” He’s a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment.
When I went to City Hall to renew his license, I told the clerk I wanted a license for Sex. He said, “I’d like one too!” Then I said, “But this is a dog.” He said he didn’t care what she looked like. Then I said, “You don’t understand, I’ve had Sex since I was 9 years old”. He winked and said, “You must have been quite a kid”.
When I got married and went on my honeymoon, I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and I and a special room for Sex. He said, “Look, you don’t need a special room, as long as you pay your bill, we don’t care what you do.” I said, “You don’t seem to understand, Sex keeps me awake at night”. The clerk said, “Funny ---- I have the same problem”.
One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. “But you don’t understand,” I said. “I had hoped to have Sex on TV”. He said, “Now that cable is all over the place, it’s no big deal anymore”.
When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, “Your honor, I had Sex before we were married”. The judge said, “The courtroom isn’t a confessional. Stick to the case please”. I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, “Me too”.
Last night Sex ran off. I spent hours looking for him. A cop came up to me and asked, “What are you doing in this alley at 4 o’clock in the morning?” I told him I was looking for sex. My case comes up Monday.
 

MyMagicMist

Platinum Contributor
Member For 4 Years
ECF Refugee
Somewhat speaking of which, know folks will probably find it funny. I still cry listening to Ozzy's song Ordinary Man. I might find it funny others don't cry. It is such a sweet song with a clearly potent message to his family, fans alike.

And say this with the utmost love and respect for them. Fuck you both long and hard Mr. Osbourne & Sir Elton John. How dare you create such a wonderful song? Then, how dare you not?

Now, I'm going to go get the dust out of my eyes.
 
Last edited:

Smigo

Gold Contributor
Member For 1 Year
Somewhat speaking of which, know folks will probably find it funny. I still cry listening to Ozzy's song Ordinary Man. I might find it funny others don't cry. It is such a sweet song with a clearly potent message to his family, fans alike.
There are some songs that have the ability to move people aren't there.
I'll make a few here gasp with this statement. :eek:
Iv never been able to take to Led Zepplin or Black Sabbath. Band or solo style.
I'll put my hard hat on now......
 

MyMagicMist

Platinum Contributor
Member For 4 Years
ECF Refugee
There are some songs that have the ability to move people aren't there.
I'll make a few here gasp with this statement. :eek:
Iv never been able to take to Led Zepplin or Black Sabbath. Band or solo style.
I'll put my hard hat on now......
Nay get flung tomatoes from this quarter. Ken take heavy metal, or leave it depending on my mood/situation.
 

VU Sponsors

Top