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Humour Mill - Smile a Day Challenge

Jimi

Jimi

Diamond Contributor
Member For 5 Years
May be an image of text
 
Pastorfuzz

Pastorfuzz

Gold Contributor
Member For 4 Years
VU Patreon
A pesticide salesman arrives at a farm to try and make a sale.
A beautiful woman answers the door. She was so beautiful the guy couldn’t speak. He just stared at her.
The farmer comes up behind him and yells “what you doing here boy?
He says he sells the best bug spray ever.
Farmer said he wasn’t falling for some bullshit sales pitch. He says “ Tell you what son, strip down naked and I’ll tie you to the fence post. If in the morning you don’t have any bug bites, I’ll buy everything you got, plus you can date my beautiful daughter “.
“You have a deal” says the salesman.
The farmer ties him naked to a post by the barn for the night.
Next morning he goes out to check on him.
But the guy was hanging by his wrists and all red in the face and looking all worn out.
The farmer says” Damn son, no bug bites. That shit works good” “But why are you looking so worn out?
Salesman replies, “ God damn man, doesn’t that calf have a mother?
 
MyMagicMist

MyMagicMist

Diamond Contributor
ECF Refugee
Member For 5 Years
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt? We
find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack
Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer
magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They
had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple
produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull
Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a
high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt
divorced.

Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with
a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt.

Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were
inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.

The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens . The nuptials Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse .

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently
returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

NOW when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.
Click to expand...
 
Lady Sarah

Lady Sarah

Diamond Contributor
Member For 5 Years
Just last night when getting ready to nod off for the night, hubby asks me to scratch his back, and asks if there are any bumps that need popping. I tapped him on his balding head and said "just this one", to which he replied "you won't get anything out of it." I had the last word when I said "you said it, I didn't."
 
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