COURAGE
Humans are social creatures, and it's not just because we like having people to hangout with on a Friday night (you know, back when we were able to do that lol). It's what actually enabled us to survive so many eons ago. We worked together to find food, build shelter, and protect one another, and that instinct still lives within our primal brains. This was great when we needed a group to physically survive, but now, that instinct can result in some unwanted effects.
The instincts of our primal brains are STRONG, and they're strong because they are simple. Our brain knows it needs something, it relays that to the conscious level, and we feel the impulse to get or do that thing. They come from a time when things were a lot more simple too; our only concerns were staying alive and engaging in the tasks that were required to do so. But, we live in a much more complicated time now, with much more complicated demands on our time, attention, and energy.
Our pesky primal brains can't really comprehend these complexities though, and in trying to understand what's going on and what we need, it translates those complex demands into simpler terms that it knows how to understand. This is where it can spell trouble. The part of our brain that equates actions or decisions that please the group with an increased chance of survival, well, it's gonna tell you every time that you
need to prioritize those tasks over any others and yourself, even when this isn't the case. That presentation with your team that's still a few days away but isn't quite finished yet? Here comes your brain to tell you that you
have to finish that presentation NOW instead of going for a walk. That party after the longest day ever when you just want to put on a movie and chill? There's that little voice saying that everyone will be so disappointed if you don't go. And that extra shift your co-worker is pressuring you to take? Well you can bet there will be a nagging in the pit of your stomach saying that you need to take it.
Sure, sometimes there really is something that needs to get done now and that we can't hold off on until tomorrow, but we tend to assign this urgency or need to things that we really don't have to. And once our primal brains get onboard and reinforce this feeling, it can be SUPER scary to say no to these things; we conjure up all sorts of consequences and guilt ourselves into saying yes to things that we really don't want to say yes to.
Learning how to say no was something that I really needed before cancer. And when I say really, I mean
really. I put myself second always, and I'm sure it contributed to my diagnosis. I stretched myself thin, I pushed myself far beyond what was necessary, and I stressed myself over things that I definitely didn't need to. And the worst part? I didn't even realize that I was doing this. So, I just kept going like that until cancer came along and forced me to stop. If I'm looking for the metaphysical reasons for why I developed cancer when I did, this one is up there.
It takes courage to put yourself first and do what is best for
you in any given circumstance. We worry about what people will think, we worry that we will upset others, and we worry about what the consequences of both of those will be. But, I'm here to let you in on a little secret: more often than not, no one is thinking poorly of you, no one is upset with you, and everyone understands. Your life is your own, and no one else can tell you what to do with even a second of it; they can tell you their opinion, but they can't dictate it for you. That is entirely up to you.
Whether it's making a treatment decision that others disagree with, or saying no to that extra task at work that you really can't handle if you want to sleep this week, stick to your guns as my Nana would say. And the more you prioritize your needs in this way, the more you will realize that no one is mad at you for doing so; you won't be cast out to the wolves on your own. In fact, you will be happier, healthier, and a heck of a lot more confident in yourself and your decisions.
Have the courage to put yourself first; you absolutely deserve it.
Happy Healing
