Damn, just
damn.
Maybe right now, not working would be a good idea.
Yes, it seems my timing is way the fuck off. Of course from me, the perpetual fuck up what's to be expected?
I'd like to work for a few good reasons. A big one is my wife has taken up to thinking I'm making excuses again. I worked like a damn dog before for her as she had accused it then. I've worked like a dog since I was 5 years old, quite literally. I did farming, firewood, gardening, mowing at least 1 acre of a yard. I watched my little brothers, learned to use cloth diapers, learned washing clothes, cooking, cleaning. I also worked outside the home & farm, did restaurants, did poultry processing plants, did lumber yards/mills, did grocery stores, did nursing homes, I've also served in the military.
But fuck no, none of that counts for shit. I'm "making excuses". So, I need to work. She's "tagging" me "back in".
Another reason is I've stopped asking her about her getting her employee stock payout from Gino's. she seems content to let Craigo & company fuck her out of what is rightly, legally hers as was granted her by Craigo & company to start with. So, fuck it, I'm not asking her if she's heard anything more. I'm just figuring she's being fucked out of it. She won't do as me and her dad suggest and go get a lawyer to get it for her. even if she needs to offer say 2 or 3 thousand off the top to get her 20,000 or so it'd be worth it. But no, she's going to be polite, diplomatic and get fucked over. So as I said, I'm not asking her any more, her bed she made.
And that was to be money toward me and her having our own fucking place, our forever place. So, since that's obviously fucked I need to bust balls, work and pull it down for us. So virus or world collapsing, fuck it, I'll work, I'll do what needs done ... that's my mindset. I'll survive the zombie apocalypse the rest of ya go hide and watch, find me when or if my smoke clears.
And no, I'm not fucking redacting former senator Craogo's name nor apologizing for stating what is true in public. So piss up a rope! And I am anything but freeloading on my wife. She simply asks, I get the fuck up and go do. I don't goldbrick or freeload, that along with quit was beaten out of me too long ago to remember. But again, no that don't mean shit.
A third reason? Ah Hell, I just need "something to do". Getting tired of pissing myself away or so it seems, watching telly for no point.
And sis. I am sincerely apologetic if this seems I'm ranting, raving, shouting and aiming it all at you. I can promise and I don't make those lightly, I did not shout any of this. it's just me in normal flat monotone, neutral. Yes, I bit frustrated. No, I'm not aiming any of that at you. If it's not obvious I'm blasting myself actually. as i said, I'm frustrated our world seems so fucked up, frustrated it seems like my wife is "on my case" again. I know she isn't. I know what's wrong. She's tired, tired of the work, tired of the work place and tired of biting her tongue regarding her employee stock stuff. Me being the hubby, well it's my well, it's not even a task, chore, job ... but it's for me to carry her. We do seem keen to play tag team wrestling. *chuckles*
So yes, I'm blasting myself but at the same time I'm pissed off the rest of the world, shit beyond my control, is fucking her over. Ergo, I'll put my shit stompers on and get to kickin'. Y'know how us damn Taurus are, hon. And to boot, I'm silver/gray on top.
"And then?" --->
I have to wait for some fuck to call and hire me on to do whatever work. Which well as it stands seems like I'd have better luck shitting in one hand, wishing in the other or whistling in the wind.
I could possibly get ito doing something here. Still, and no not an excuse. I'd fear doing because it would "rock the boat" with family. I'd need to use a lot of their tools to do with. I'd need to use space they obviously aren't using but just because I'd ask it'd cause issues. I'm just not even bothered because I'm not wanting to do that, cause trouble for her by her family. And yes, I see her point ... it does "appear" I'm making excuses. I'm not. I'm just aware how shit is and well if I start then I'm likely going to stomp on toes way too hard. I'm not diplomatic. My diplomacy? Do!
