ECF Refugee Thread All welcome

[Atchafalaya]

I'll admit I'm struggling still with my relationship with my sister. I want so bad to go see my Uncle Buddy. But if I go to Louisiana, I'll be "expected" to go to my sister's house. You know. The one that kicked me out in her drunken rage? Back last June? I haven't been back to my "home (Louisiana)" since then. I miss my relatives. I want to see my mom's grave. I want seafood. I had done so much for her through the years and she still treated me like total crap. Sure,we've made up, but I will not step foot in her precious house ever again. It's just a tough situation. I'm trying to come to terms for helping her so much, bailing her out so many times, and then being treated like poopoo. It has changed me. I'll no longer be walked all over. I just don't go out of my way anymore to help anyone. Sad, but true.

 

[AndriaD]

I'll admit I'm struggling still with my relationship with my sister. I want so bad to go see my Uncle Buddy. But if I go to Louisiana, I'll be "expected" to go to my sister's house. You know. The one that kicked me out in her drunken rage? Back last June? I haven't been back to my "home (Louisiana)" since then. I miss my relatives. I want to see my mom's grave. I want seafood. I had done so much for her through the years and she still treated me like total crap. Sure,we've made up, but I will not step foot in her precious house ever again. It's just a tough situation. I'm trying to come to terms for helping her so much, bailing her out so many times, and then being treated like poopoo. It has changed me. I'll no longer be walked all over. I just don't go out of my way anymore to help anyone. Sad, but true.

Just because it's expected, doesn't mean you have to acquiesce to the expectation -- her expectation, her problem. You could just tell her that as long as she drinks, you won't be staying with her. Because when she's drunk, she's not the person you know and love.

It was a given at my house, when my mom drank: do not phone after 8pm, unless you're just in the mood to deal with a belligerent drunk.

Andria

 

[Atchafalaya]

Just because it's expected, doesn't mean you have to acquiesce to the expectation -- her expectation, her problem. You could just tell her that as long as she drinks, you won't be staying with her. Because when she's drunk, she's not the person you know and love.

It was a given at my house, when my mom drank: do not phone after 8pm, unless you're just in the mood to deal with a belligerent drunk.

Andria

Thank you Andria that's some really good advice...... please note that I spelled your name darling

 

[AndriaD]

Thank you Andria that's some really good advice...... please note that I spelled your name darling

I've never understood why drinking makes some people so damn belligerent. All it ever made me was 1) happy, and at the end, 2) sad. But my mother was downright toxic when she was drunk -- she once threatened to beat me with a hot curling iron, which mercifully, my stepfather removed from her hand and disabused her of that notion immediately. It was like... 1 drink, smiles and giggles... 2 drinks, silly and goofy... 3 drinks... RUN AWAY FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!

Andria

 

[SirKadly]

I'll admit I'm struggling still with my relationship with my sister. I want so bad to go see my Uncle Buddy. But if I go to Louisiana, I'll be "expected" to go to my sister's house. You know. The one that kicked me out in her drunken rage? Back last June? I haven't been back to my "home (Louisiana)" since then. I miss my relatives. I want to see my mom's grave. I want seafood. I had done so much for her through the years and she still treated me like total crap. Sure,we've made up, but I will not step foot in her precious house ever again. It's just a tough situation. I'm trying to come to terms for helping her so much, bailing her out so many times, and then being treated like poopoo. It has changed me. I'll no longer be walked all over. I just don't go out of my way anymore to help anyone. Sad, but true.

Just because it's expected, doesn't mean you have to acquiesce to the expectation

Andria is right sweets. So go see your Uncle Buddy if that is what you want to do. Just because you go home doesn't automatically mean you have to go to your sister's house. Either don't tell her you are coming, or tell her she can come visit you there.

 

[JuicyLucy]

I'll admit I'm struggling still with my relationship with my sister. I want so bad to go see my Uncle Buddy. But if I go to Louisiana, I'll be "expected" to go to my sister's house. You know. The one that kicked me out in her drunken rage? Back last June? I haven't been back to my "home (Louisiana)" since then. I miss my relatives. I want to see my mom's grave. I want seafood. I had done so much for her through the years and she still treated me like total crap. Sure,we've made up, but I will not step foot in her precious house ever again. It's just a tough situation. I'm trying to come to terms for helping her so much, bailing her out so many times, and then being treated like poopoo. It has changed me. I'll no longer be walked all over. I just don't go out of my way anymore to help anyone. Sad, but true.

I can relate - and Andria's advice is spot on

I'm about to see my mother for the first time in 12 years and she is already getting on my nerves so bad with ridiculous expectations and her pre-plans for having her feelings hurt (literally) I'm finding it difficult to not fall into that emotional trap

But, I'm sticking to my guns (and hoping she will change her plans and not show up for my niece's graduation, lol)

 

[AndriaD]

Another thing about expectations, that I learned from my ex: if someone says "I'm sorry," because they have wronged you... that does not mean you automatically have to forgive them -- all it does is make THEM feel better, it doesn't do ANYTHING for you. Even if they're intelligent enough to ask you to forgive them, instead of just saying the so-lame "I'm sorry," you're still under no obligation to do so. The best response, I've found, is "I'll think about it."

Andria

 

[AndriaD]

I can relate - and Andria's advice is spot on

I'm about to see my mother for the first time in 12 years and she is already getting on my nerves so bad with ridiculous expectations and her pre-plans for having her feelings hurt (literally) I'm finding it difficult to not fall into that emotional trap

But, I'm sticking to my guns (and hoping she will change her plans and not show up for my niece's graduation, lol)

Being able to identify an emotional manipulation attempt is over half the battle in not succumbing to it.

Andria

 

[JuicyLucy]

Being able to identify an emotional manipulation attempt is over half the battle in not succumbing to it.

Andria

So true - I've intentionally avoided her for over a decade and don't feel guilty about that at all

But now that it looks like it will happen, I need to plan an exit strategy for when it gets rough

 

[chopdoc]

I have 1 sister and she is something else. She has to be the center of attention and she thinks everything is for her. She called me once and told me all about how horrible her youngest teeth was and it was damn near life or death if she didnt get braces on her teeth. I told my sis I hated hearing this, but why is she calling me about it. My sis said because it was my place to pay for it. Oh no its not! So she told me I wasnt family and hung up on me

Think I went 7 years without talking to her on that one and she only lives maybe 20 to 30 miles from me. Right now we get along great because we have absolutely nothing to do with each other. Occasionally she will comment on my facebook page and thats it. We dont call each other, we dont talk to each other, nothing.

@Atchafalaya , that is what you need to do for you will never win with your sister or be happy around her. She is preventing you from seeing your family just because she is the way she is and people dont change. You will never win with her unless you stop letting her ruin your life. Its sad but it is what it is. Go see your family and if you see your sister, be friendly but do not stay with her, or accept any phone calls from her at night. Life is just too damn short to allow anyone like that to make you unhappy, so remove them from your life and never look back.

 

[JuicyLucy]

Life is just too damn short to allow anyone like that to make you unhappy, so remove them from your life and never look back.

My philosophy exactly

 

[AndriaD]

I have 1 sister and she is something else. She has to be the center of attention and she thinks everything is for her. She called me once and told me all about how horrible her youngest teeth was and it was damn near life or death if she didnt get braces on her teeth. I told my sis I hated hearing this, but why is she calling me about it. My sis said because it was my place to pay for it. Oh no its not! So she told me I wasnt family and hung up on me

Think I went 7 years without talking to her on that one and she only lives maybe 20 to 30 miles from me. Right now we get along great because we have absolutely nothing to do with each other. Occasionally she will comment on my facebook page and thats it. We dont call each other, we dont talk to each other, nothing.

@Atchafalaya , that is what you need to do for you will never win with your sister or be happy around her. She is preventing you from seeing your family just because she is the way she is and people dont change. You will never win with her unless you stop letting her ruin your life. Its sad but it is what it is. Go see your family and if you see your sister, be friendly but do not stay with her, or accept any phone calls from her at night. Life is just too damn short to allow anyone like that to make you unhappy, so remove them from your life and never look back.

Right on. I had quite a few times of not speaking to my mother at all... hell, I moved 800 miles away from her in 1985! I finally did what I could to try and mend fences, because she was getting older and her health was bad, and I knew my time for fence-mending was running out, and I'm glad I made the effort, even though I did ultimately come to understand that only so much fence-mending was going to ever happen, given that she was how she was, and I am an adult now, not subject to her petty whims and tyrannies. I do have some regrets, mostly that I didn't see or speak to her in the last 4 months of her life, but at the time, I thought I was sparing her the trouble of my presence, given her ill health. Even if I'd known how short her time was, I don't know that I would or could have acted any differently.

Andria

 

[Rickajho]

Reminder:

What's that definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different result.

02¢

 

[The Cromwell]

Reminder:

What's that definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different result.

02¢

You describing party loyalty?

 

[Rickajho]

You describing party loyalty?

That too perhaps.

But it doesn't quite explain the rather crazy situation we find ourselves in right now either. Changey insanity.

 

[chopdoc]

Right on. I had quite a few times of not speaking to my mother at all... hell, I moved 800 miles away from her in 1985! I finally did what I could to try and mend fences, because she was getting older and her health was bad, and I knew my time for fence-mending was running out, and I'm glad I made the effort, even though I did ultimately come to understand that only so much fence-mending was going to ever happen, given that she was how she was, and I am an adult now, not subject to her petty whims and tyrannies. I do have some regrets, mostly that I didn't see or speak to her in the last 4 months of her life, but at the time, I thought I was sparing her the trouble of my presence, given her ill health. Even if I'd known how short her time was, I don't know that I would or could have acted any differently.

Andria

I was the same way with my father. I could tell you stories that nightmares are made of but he was still my dad and when his health was seriously fading, I forgave a lot and was there for him in the end.

 

[Rickajho]

I'm just getting acquainted with the notion that all honey is not created equal

Would love to find a sugar substitute to compliment black tea

Have you tried Stevia yet? (I haven't myself.)

 

[The Cromwell]

The non bitter stevia rebaudiana variety is good stuff.

 

[Rickajho]

The non bitter stevia rebaudiana variety is good stuff.

What does that translate into in grocery store speak?

 

[JuicyLucy]

Have you tried Stevia yet? (I haven't myself.)

I use it in a few of my juices actually, lol

Have tried it in a few cooking recipes and its okay if you just need a little bump

It is atrocious in tea and I have not been brave enough to try it in anything else where I might actually taste it

 

[Rickajho]

I use it in a few of my juices actually, lol

Have tried it in a few cooking recipes and its okay if you just need a little bump

It is atrocious in tea and I have not been brave enough to try it in anything else where I might actually taste it

What about agave nectar? (The lighter the color the more neutral the taste.)

 

[The Cromwell]

What does that translate into in grocery store speak?

I dunno I get the NuNaturals liquid Nu Stevia at GNC in a PG base.

 

[The Cromwell]

What about agave nectar? (The lighter the color the more neutral the taste.)

Is that what they make Takillya out of?

 

[AndriaD]

I was the same way with my father. I could tell you stories that nightmares are made of but he was still my dad and when his health was seriously fading, I forgave a lot and was there for him in the end.

Well, I wasn't there for her at the end -- I was at the hospital during her last 3 days, in ICU, but I'm not sure she knew that; to be honest, I really think she was already gone, it was just her artificially-resuscitated body in ICU. And I do regret not being there for her, but the fact is that every single time I was around my mother, during my whole life, for more than maybe an hour, we argued... constantly, over pretty much everything. She was my negative role model in life -- how NOT to be -- and I really didn't *like* her at all, and I'm pretty sure she felt the same about me, despite that naturally we loved each other -- loving someone you don't like is always fraught, and I really thought I was doing her a favor, given her precarious health, just not going around her.

My feelings are still very raw and conflicted, obviously, and all this mother's day yammering on the radio and TV is NOT helpful. And naturally there's still a little baby in my head who wants to even though the grownup is now in charge and knows that would help nothing.

Andria

 

[AndriaD]

Well hell. I finished my book and it's way too damn early to go to bed, and y'all ain't talking. I guess if I don't wanna bore myself to death, I could go mix ejuice or something.


Andria

 

[JuicyLucy]

I had to work most of the day - just got home

 

[inspects]

I had to work most of the day - just got home

Howdy, Juice.....

LONG DAY.......

 

[AndriaD]

I got my next 55ml of strawberry n cream mixed; I had meant to get to it today, since my current bottle is down to about 20-25ml, but it never got done. I'd be great at procrastinating if I ever got around to it.

Andria

 

[Rickajho]

Is that what they make Takillya out of?

As a drink ingredient??? No.

 

[inspects]

I got my next 55ml of strawberry n cream mixed; I had meant to get to it today, since my current bottle is down to about 20-25ml, but it never got done. I'd be great at procrastinating if I ever got around to it.

Andria

I made your Strawberry & Cream this afternoon......

 

[JuicyLucy]

What about agave nectar? (The lighter the color the more neutral the taste.)

I'd have to ask my doctor about it, he's never mentioned it before

Taking a hint from Cromwell, Flavorah sent me a couple of samples with my first order from them and one of them was something I've never seen called for in a juice recipe: Sweetness

Might drip a little in some tea one of these days and see what its like

However, most of the sweeteners put out by the flavor companies is just diluted stevia

 

[Atchafalaya]

Reminder:

What's that definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over, yet expecting a different result.

02¢

Yeah all my friends keep telling me it's my fault for putting my hand in the lion's cage. I really do appreciate everyone's advice. You guys are the best. And I'm in a much better mood today. Yeeeeehah!

 

[Atchafalaya]

I was the same way with my father. I could tell you stories that nightmares are made of but he was still my dad and when his health was seriously fading, I forgave a lot and was there for him in the end.

I took care of my mother for four years before she passed. Cut and dyed her hair. Took her on shopping trips for makeup and clothes. Gave her her showers. Cleaned her up after accidents. Tested her blood. Brought her to parades in Louisiana and pushed around in her wheelchair. I can remember her being humiliated sometimes not being able to do anything for herself anymore so I'd turn on some music and make her get up and dance around with her walker. It was very difficult and challenging. But she was a wonderful mother and I was very blessed to have her. I still miss hearing her soft sweet little Cajun voice.

 

[SirKadly]

I took care of my mother for four years before she passed. Cut and dyed her hair. Took her on shopping trips for makeup and clothes. Gave her her showers. Cleaned her up after accidents. Tested her blood. Brought her to parades in Louisiana and pushed around in her wheelchair. I can remember her being humiliated sometimes not being able to do anything for herself anymore so I'd turn on some music and make her get up and dance around with her walker. It was very difficult and challenging. But she was a wonderful mother and I was very blessed to have her. I still miss hearing her soft sweet little Cajun voice.

 

[Atchafalaya]

Happy Hump Day!

 

[SirKadly]

Happy Hump Day!

 

[The Cromwell]

Are 2 hump camels happier than single hump ones on a Wednesday?

 

[AndriaD]

I'd have to ask my doctor about it, he's never mentioned it before

Taking a hint from Cromwell, Flavorah sent me a couple of samples with my first order from them and one of them was something I've never seen called for in a juice recipe: Sweetness

Might drip a little in some tea one of these days and see what its like

However, most of the sweeteners put out by the flavor companies is just diluted stevia

Or sucralose. I'd say that's actually more common than stevia, if you mean the flavor companies we use for vape flavors. Or maybe even some combo, but I';m thinking sucralose is probably cheaper.

Andria

 

[AndriaD]

I like mine better...

Andria

 

[SirKadly]

I like mine better...

Andria

Burnie still posts that (almost) every week.

 

[AndriaD]

Burnie still posts that (almost) every week.

Y'know, I ventured over there recently when I was looking for Boden... and I have to say, I'm soooooooo glad to be here instead. Nothing has changed over there, except maybe to get even worse.

I was surprised that someone actually tagged me recently, over there... apparently they haven't gotten the news that I am no longer there, and haven't been, for over a year. I escaped kindergarten a LONG time ago, and have no need to return to it.

Andria

 

[chopdoc]

Afternoon fugee's and GFY

Dont know what I did to piss off miss @Atchafalaya but she sent all these storms and rain my way and looks like she is gonna be sending them to me all day and night!

This shit keeps up I am gonna just go get buzzed and call it a day!

 

[Rickajho]

Are 2 hump camels happier than single hump ones on a Wednesday?

No. They're just confused and horny.

 

[Rickajho]

Or sucralose. I'd say that's actually more common than stevia, if you mean the flavor companies we use for vape flavors. Or maybe even some combo, but I';m thinking sucralose is probably cheaper.

Andria

There's also the "gack" factor. (Personally I can taste sucralose a mile away. Gack.) Loosely (Bad auto correct. Bad bad.) Lucy said this is going in black tea.

 

[Rickajho]

I'd have to ask my doctor about it, he's never mentioned it before

Taking a hint from Cromwell, Flavorah sent me a couple of samples with my first order from them and one of them was something I've never seen called for in a juice recipe: Sweetness

Might drip a little in some tea one of these days and see what its like

However, most of the sweeteners put out by the flavor companies is just diluted stevia

Here, if this helps you figure out if it would be a candidate:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agave_nectar

 

[The Cromwell]

yep sucralose is almost as horrible tasting as Nutrisweet..

 

[AndriaD]

yep sucralose is almost as horrible tasting as Nutrisweet..

I don't get that at all; sucralose doesn't have that nasty aftertaste.

Andria

 

[Rickajho]

I don't get that at all; sucralose doesn't have that nasty aftertaste.

Andria

It just tastes fake-sweet with a chemically aftertaste and to me it isn't pleasant. I can spot it the second I taste it in something. When it's in "low fat good for you" yogurt - gack.

 

[The Cromwell]

It just tastes fake-sweet with a chemically aftertaste and to me it isn't pleasant. I can spot it the second I taste it in something. When it's in "low fat good for you" yogurt - gack.

Yeah i agree.

 

[The Cromwell]

If it tastes good spit it out. Has to be bad for you.