HALF FULL
If you’re reading this, I likely don’t need to tell you how crazy cancer makes your life. Roughly one million things get added to your to-do list in an instant. There are appointments, research, more appointments, starting to make the necessary changes, building and implementing your plans, even more appointments, worrying, surgeries, treatments, scans, and somehow
more appointments. Not only is your time consumed with cancer, but so are your thoughts and feelings. It becomes extremely easy to neglect every other part of your life.
Cancer is the gift that keeps on giving. It doesn’t matter how many years it’s been, when the need for a test or a scan comes up, we spin off again into that all-consuming mind space. While we wait for results, even when we’re mostly confident they will be fine, we spend a little more time each day worrying and thinking and overthinking, until finally, we can’t focus on much more other than cancer and what-ifs.
I found myself in this state last week while waiting for ultrasound results and while also attending an event I had been waiting for for a long time. I spent a large chunk of what should have been a fun, joyful, exciting experience worrying and going round and round in negative, anxious cycles of thought. When the results came back and everything was all good, I regretted having missed out on some of the fun of that time, on being present and engaged and mindful in that moment.
In the blog post I’m sharing in today’s newsletter, Liam Ryan, the author and one of the most incredible people and cancer survivors I have had the pleasure of connecting with, says the following:
“We should all just deal with the fact that we are going to die, put it away, and get on with making sure we live every day of our lives until then. When I did this, in the middle of my treatment, I gained huge strength from it. I plucked the only card cancer held over me, out of its hand. I was untouchable after that. If you are not afraid to die there is nothing left to be afraid of […] And in a nice twist, by not being afraid to die, I lived. My death has already revealed itself to me so there will be no surprise when it comes back for real. I will not be afraid then either. And until that day comes I intend to spend every day of this amazing life I have been given savouring the wonderful part of my glass that is half full, rather than living in fear of the part that is half empty.”
It has all been an important reminder for me. Last week, I wasted my time and energy focusing on the part of my glass that is half empty. Loss, trauma, any of many big changes in our lives, these can all cause us to shift our focus away from things like relationships, friendships, self care, mental and emotional support, passions, hobbies, all of the most important things in life but those that somehow seem to be the first to go by the wayside when things get tough. With one of the most wonderful times of the year approaching, even though it may still look a little different this year, I intend to spend my time and my energy differently than I did last week, and I hope that you are able to too.
Focus on this time, the people you are with, the light and joy and love that I hope surrounds you, and don’t let fear of the unknowns distract you from what you
do know in this moment: that you here, alive, and that the world is here too for you to experience
right now.
This will be the last newsletter of the year. I want to thank you all for being here with me all year long. It brings more warmth to my soul than I can express to know that even one person is reading my words. With my eyes, my heart, and my mind firmly focused on the half that's full, I raise my glass to you and your loved ones this holiday season.
Until next year, Happy Healing
