While that may be true one aspect of respect that has disappeared in this overly permissive society is any consequence for actions. If someone doesn't learn that their actions have consequences - for themselves and god forbid - for other people as well - there is no concept of respect either.
You're absolutely right, and I feel exactly the same way; just because we tried to dispense discipline with kindness doesn't mean we didn't dispense it at all -- he got a couple of real belt whippings at 5 and 6 yrs old, respectively, because we tried everything else first and got no positive results; that was all he ever needed; all we ever had to say after that was "do I have to get the belt?' to get INSTANT compliance. He's a real smart person.
When he was 7, he had a problem with an older kid up the street, so my husband and I walked up the street with him, to speak to that boy's mother. When she heard the situation, she directed her boy to apologize, and that little brat said "I ain't gon do it." Our son stood there amazed at that, and then more amazed when all she said to that was "Just wait till your dad gets home." On the way home, he said he couldn't believe that kid, telling his mom no like that, and then her not doing anything about it. I asked him what he thought might happen if he acted that way. He laughed and said he didn't think there was any "might" about it, he'd be picking himself up off the floor. I told him it might not be QUITE that drastic, but something along those lines -- and that he could count on receiving whatever he needed immediately, and not having it put off till his dad got home. Yet somehow, he and I have managed to always have a very close and enjoyable relationship.
Once he was about 7-8 yrs old, we really never had any discipline problems with him at all, and contrary to what we were told, he didn't turn into a moody monster in his teens, either -- yeah, he did get a little moody, hormones I guess, but he remained the same reasonable person he'd always been, and in fact the older he got, the better I liked him, though he and his dad had a few big dog/little dog power struggles along the way -- but he still remained respectful. I can only think that love, kindness, respect, and firm discipline and knowing the boundaries made him that way.
Andria