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The Light at the End of the Tunnel
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Frawg
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Having one of those weeks where little goes right, or it seems to go right then goes to hell faster than you can blink. I've not been sleeping well, which doesn't help, and I've been fighting muscle spasms in my neck/shoulder, and only taking advil isn't cutting it. I broke down & spent the $28 on a small tens unit at walmart tonight & I think this is the first real relief I've had in months other than using biofreeze (or the like). I've got the meds from the dentist, as he said I'm clenching my teeth, which tenses that muscle group, but I just don't want to have to fight THAT problem again.
I've been using melatonin for sleep, getting to sleep isn't the issue, sleeping more than 2hrs is the problem. I can sleep 8 hours if I have 14-18 hours to do so...never works that way though...
I've been using melatonin for sleep, getting to sleep isn't the issue, sleeping more than 2hrs is the problem. I can sleep 8 hours if I have 14-18 hours to do so...never works that way though...
I have a tens unit was $30 bucks but sometimes it's the only thing that helps my ovary/back pain. Yesterday I was a mess and ended up crying it was so bad. I need to go back to the doctors and refill my ultram just so I can live normally and not in constant pain...
Anyway my tens unit takes watch batteries and I can go through one of those in a day. Need a rechargeable one or something
oh forgot to say ice packs sometimes help, heating pads too
@Frawg @cherrycakes
I've had one of these for a couple years and it works great. Well worth the money...
http://m.ebay.com/itm/141395329681?nav=SEARCH
I've had one of these for a couple years and it works great. Well worth the money...
http://m.ebay.com/itm/141395329681?nav=SEARCH
Sorry to interrupt the thread discussion gang but i could use some experience, strength, and hope.
Im having one of those 'everything makes me angry' days. You know what i mean?
I've been C&S for 8 months and doing a bunch of service work. I meet with sponsor weekly and have one sponsee.
I chaired the noon meeting today (which went well) and afterward went by to collect some cash from another guy in recovery. I sold him a tank and atomizers for 25.00. He said he would have it last fri, then said it would be today, now he says later this week. I'm sort of strapped for cash right now and i guess i set myself up for disappointment and resentment. Add to this i ordered a mod that was supposed to ship yesterday and didn't (which is why i am strapped for cash). Another unmet expectation.
These seem SO trivial, i know, but for some reason i just feel angry inside.
maybe i just needed to vent. maybe someone has a gem of wisdom for me. thoughts?
Im having one of those 'everything makes me angry' days. You know what i mean?
I've been C&S for 8 months and doing a bunch of service work. I meet with sponsor weekly and have one sponsee.
I chaired the noon meeting today (which went well) and afterward went by to collect some cash from another guy in recovery. I sold him a tank and atomizers for 25.00. He said he would have it last fri, then said it would be today, now he says later this week. I'm sort of strapped for cash right now and i guess i set myself up for disappointment and resentment. Add to this i ordered a mod that was supposed to ship yesterday and didn't (which is why i am strapped for cash). Another unmet expectation.
These seem SO trivial, i know, but for some reason i just feel angry inside.
maybe i just needed to vent. maybe someone has a gem of wisdom for me. thoughts?
The Serenity Prayer is a heck of a gem when we really pay close attention to exactly what it is we're asking for...
On a more immediate and practical note, you nailed the source of the frustration... expectations. And, boy, are they a toughie...
Books could be (and have been) written on that topic but the most important thing right now is that you recognize the situation for what it is. You're miles ahead of where I was at 8 months.
Learning to let go of unhealthy expectations is a process that takes time- get with your sponsor or someone with quality recovery and talk it out, vent, bitch and then work on a way to avoid setting yourself up for disappointment.
One thing that might help short term is Rational Emotive Therapy. I practice it and use it with my sponsees. Basically, it boils down to you will feel how you tell yourself to feel.
If I run around saying this sucks, this isn't fair, they shouldn't..., that's not right... then I'm gonna experience negative feelings. If I tell myself that it will be okay, out that it will pass, whatever- as long as it's positive, then I will react better to the situation.
I wish there was a short answer to overcoming expectations, but, unfortunately, it comes with time. Sounds like you're well on your way though...
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy
On a more immediate and practical note, you nailed the source of the frustration... expectations. And, boy, are they a toughie...
Books could be (and have been) written on that topic but the most important thing right now is that you recognize the situation for what it is. You're miles ahead of where I was at 8 months.
Learning to let go of unhealthy expectations is a process that takes time- get with your sponsor or someone with quality recovery and talk it out, vent, bitch and then work on a way to avoid setting yourself up for disappointment.
One thing that might help short term is Rational Emotive Therapy. I practice it and use it with my sponsees. Basically, it boils down to you will feel how you tell yourself to feel.
If I run around saying this sucks, this isn't fair, they shouldn't..., that's not right... then I'm gonna experience negative feelings. If I tell myself that it will be okay, out that it will pass, whatever- as long as it's positive, then I will react better to the situation.
I wish there was a short answer to overcoming expectations, but, unfortunately, it comes with time. Sounds like you're well on your way though...
http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rational_emotive_behavior_therapy
Heck, I might be hitting you up for words of advice!
Happy Hump Day, all. I hope everyone is having a good day.
I have a rechargeable one. I got it either from Groupon or 1 Sale a Day. It was around $20 & works like a champ. I just grabbed the box to see if there was an address or anything. It cam from IQ Technologies & their web addy is iqmassager dot com. I don't know what they charge on-site, but I bet you can Google it and find a deal. It will run forever on a charge. I have MS, so it gets lots of work.
I have a rechargeable one. I got it either from Groupon or 1 Sale a Day. It was around $20 & works like a champ. I just grabbed the box to see if there was an address or anything. It cam from IQ Technologies & their web addy is iqmassager dot com. I don't know what they charge on-site, but I bet you can Google it and find a deal. It will run forever on a charge. I have MS, so it gets lots of work.
Thanks! If I can get insurance to cover I am getting one. Dr refilled ultram, getting ultrasound tomorrowHappy Hump Day, all. I hope everyone is having a good day.
I have a rechargeable one. I got it either from Groupon or 1 Sale a Day. It was around $20 & works like a champ. I just grabbed the box to see if there was an address or anything. It cam from IQ Technologies & their web addy is iqmassager dot com. I don't know what they charge on-site, but I bet you can Google it and find a deal. It will run forever on a charge. I have MS, so it gets lots of work.
Gotta make a obgyn appointment too ..
https://www.etsy.com/shop/LWBalancingBlends
Don't know if anyone has tried rubbing salves /balms but they help a lot for my back/ovary pain
This lady makes a few blends- one for fibromyagia, workhorse salve, and a bear balm for men.
I also tried the pms salve but the fibromax seems to help me the most
Don't know if anyone has tried rubbing salves /balms but they help a lot for my back/ovary pain
This lady makes a few blends- one for fibromyagia, workhorse salve, and a bear balm for men.
I also tried the pms salve but the fibromax seems to help me the most
Anyway the past few days I've been alternating balm/ice packs/ tens unit on left side right side and back lol
Fun fun.
Sounds like me. Most of last week was hot soaks, aspercreme and my tens unit.
And bed.
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This is a really important idea and great thread. I had Joe on my show this week and we talked about the lack of "policing" on VU. It's a great selling point that differentiates this forum from others. By contrast to that, however, I told him that my experience was fairly civil. This is a stellar example of that. C&S five years last month. I celebrated by holding a Nationally recognized convention called Vapemania. I have the amazing fortune of using my podcast as a platform to disperse the anger and mind tricks associated to the disease. It acts as a safe haven and landing pod to use all the compulsive energies.
Also; in my area a strange thread of B&M's is the overt amount of recovering addicts that now own stores. It's not something we talk opening about but it's great to watch people reignite dreams and aspirations. It's the very remedy of recovery to some degree, in that; the social proof of a better life is happening for them each minute of every day.
Also; in my area a strange thread of B&M's is the overt amount of recovering addicts that now own stores. It's not something we talk opening about but it's great to watch people reignite dreams and aspirations. It's the very remedy of recovery to some degree, in that; the social proof of a better life is happening for them each minute of every day.
Very, very cool and I'm glad you're here! I too get such joy out of seeing someone come into the rooms beaten and hopeless and, over time, rebuild their lives. I've seen families, ripped apart and full of anger and mistrust come back together stronger than they ever were.
Personally, the relationship I have with my family would not have been possible had I NOT led the life I used to lead. Today, I know how it feels to lose them. I know what that disappointed and hurt look in their eyes feels like.
And today, I know I never have to be that person again.
Frawg
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My knees oddly enough aren't the problem of late. Its been my shoulders/neck area. I live with an MS patient so I know how hard it can be to deal with. Have an uncle who died of complications from PML (polymyositis) which sort of mimics MS in a lot of the symptoms but a different root cause and a lot less treatable. Good lucky @Mommay
Sorry gang but would it be ok for me to vent a bit this morning? I had a couple really tough days and wanted to share. I am open to feedback and suggestions (and I thank you in advance).
Sunday was sort of sucky for me. I got into a bit of a disagreement with the family before and after church. The kids were being ugly about going (whihc isnt unusual) and then afterward arguing after about where to eat. We really didnt have the money to go but wife didnt want to cook. I wanted to watch the ball game (which was a major heartbreaker with 4 seconds left). So it was tense most of the day. It was icy cold in bed that night with the wife if you know what i mean.
Yesterday was a major disappointment. I have been waiting weeks for a shipment (new box mod) and DHL was supposed to deliver. So i camped out at the house for 9 hours straight waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. (we live at apt and leaving at the door is a terrible idea) Finally called them at 5pm and they said "it is coming by 8pm". At 6:15 i see the tracking update and it says, "undelivered, no one home". I called and raised hell. I WAS home. They said they tried to call. NO missed calls. They wouldnt return to try again and said they would try today
So.... now i have to change my Tuesday schedule to wait again for the damn delivery. (I was supposed to go fly with a friend and then chair a noon meeting - both of which i was looking forward to - but that obviously isnt happening now).
Bottom line I have been angry for 2 days. I mean real angry. I haven't gotten squirrelly nor got the "F it Im gonna go buy me one" attitude but my serenity has totally gone out the window. I think this boils down to expectations. I set myself up once again for disappointment and now feel resentful. (Why do i keep doing that to myself?!!) I think maybe this is a control issue too. I wanted to control the circumstances but couldn't, they didnt go my way, and i got mad.
I am trying to use the tools given to me in the program and don't feel my sobriety at risk but my serenity is clearly upside down. Not sure if this was just a venting moment or if someone has some suggestions. thanks.
Sunday was sort of sucky for me. I got into a bit of a disagreement with the family before and after church. The kids were being ugly about going (whihc isnt unusual) and then afterward arguing after about where to eat. We really didnt have the money to go but wife didnt want to cook. I wanted to watch the ball game (which was a major heartbreaker with 4 seconds left). So it was tense most of the day. It was icy cold in bed that night with the wife if you know what i mean.
Yesterday was a major disappointment. I have been waiting weeks for a shipment (new box mod) and DHL was supposed to deliver. So i camped out at the house for 9 hours straight waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting. (we live at apt and leaving at the door is a terrible idea) Finally called them at 5pm and they said "it is coming by 8pm". At 6:15 i see the tracking update and it says, "undelivered, no one home". I called and raised hell. I WAS home. They said they tried to call. NO missed calls. They wouldnt return to try again and said they would try today
So.... now i have to change my Tuesday schedule to wait again for the damn delivery. (I was supposed to go fly with a friend and then chair a noon meeting - both of which i was looking forward to - but that obviously isnt happening now).
Bottom line I have been angry for 2 days. I mean real angry. I haven't gotten squirrelly nor got the "F it Im gonna go buy me one" attitude but my serenity has totally gone out the window. I think this boils down to expectations. I set myself up once again for disappointment and now feel resentful. (Why do i keep doing that to myself?!!) I think maybe this is a control issue too. I wanted to control the circumstances but couldn't, they didnt go my way, and i got mad.
I am trying to use the tools given to me in the program and don't feel my sobriety at risk but my serenity is clearly upside down. Not sure if this was just a venting moment or if someone has some suggestions. thanks.
Bud, I had a chat with a sponsee one day about patience. She wasn't very good at it, lol. She told me the next day she had prayed about patience the next morning before she went to work. While at work, it seemed that nothing was going her way, customers making her nuts, boss and co-workers getting on her last nerve... "but I prayed for patience!!" She asked why she didn't have any, still. My only suggestion or answer for her was that she had prayed for it and maybe she was given opportunities to practice it.
I read something one time that helped me a lot regarding expectations and disappointment. It said (paraphrased) that having expectations, then experiencing disappointment are like thinking god doesn't know what he's doing. I kinda held onto that one.
I read something one time that helped me a lot regarding expectations and disappointment. It said (paraphrased) that having expectations, then experiencing disappointment are like thinking god doesn't know what he's doing. I kinda held onto that one.
When i am looking forward to something (ie a delivery of an awaited mod or a hopeful win in the football game) i seem to set myself up for a huge disappointment. I cant control the outcome so i get frustrated and angry. I am praying for 'serenity to accept the things i cannot change'... like DHL and the Cleveland Browns. They both suck. It is true. I just have to accept that I guess.
Venting is good, as you know, so vent away.
Conflicts with the kids, problems with deliveries, changes of plan, even uncomfortable times in relationships... all a part of life.
What's important is how we handle those times. Before I go any further, please let me say one thing- I'm not perfect at this, but I keep trying, get a little better each time and, as a result, my level of Serenity grows.
First, I ask myself, 'How can I end this situation and change it for the better?'
Sometimes, there's nothing I can do so I have to shift MY perceptions and expectations.
For the times I can make a change- guess what? The change begins with me again. I have to examine my part in creating the situation and taking an honest look at my motivations.
That's the hard part... HONEST. We get so used to lying to ourselves about what is really going on inside of us, that we believe the lies and then FORGET that we are lying to ourselves in the first place.
When I feel like I need to control, or feel that nothing is going right, or just feel restless and irritable, it's usually a symptom of something else and that's where a sponsor/support group come in handy. It's difficult for us to spot our own deceptions and an outside point of view can uncover what we're too close to see.
From my own experience, I used to make bad situations worse with a load of either outright confrontation or passive/aggressive manipulations. I would be telling myself if I couldn't have what I wanted, then no one else could either.
Off course, that's not the lie I was telling myself. I was masking it behind, 'Why does it have to be like this? All I wanted was a good day.' and 'This sucks.' but, once I got honest with myself, I saw I was deliberately making it worse to punish those around me for things not going my way.
Talk it out, try to see your part in the situation and figure out what else might be going on inside that's creating this stress.
My wife and I don't have a perfect relationship but we rarely allow negative feelings to linger. Pride used to be a big factor in continuing that 'icy' feeling, but I've learned to ask myself a very valuable question...
'Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?'
Good luck and remember that you decide what kind of day you have.
Make it a good one.
Conflicts with the kids, problems with deliveries, changes of plan, even uncomfortable times in relationships... all a part of life.
What's important is how we handle those times. Before I go any further, please let me say one thing- I'm not perfect at this, but I keep trying, get a little better each time and, as a result, my level of Serenity grows.
First, I ask myself, 'How can I end this situation and change it for the better?'
Sometimes, there's nothing I can do so I have to shift MY perceptions and expectations.
For the times I can make a change- guess what? The change begins with me again. I have to examine my part in creating the situation and taking an honest look at my motivations.
That's the hard part... HONEST. We get so used to lying to ourselves about what is really going on inside of us, that we believe the lies and then FORGET that we are lying to ourselves in the first place.
When I feel like I need to control, or feel that nothing is going right, or just feel restless and irritable, it's usually a symptom of something else and that's where a sponsor/support group come in handy. It's difficult for us to spot our own deceptions and an outside point of view can uncover what we're too close to see.
From my own experience, I used to make bad situations worse with a load of either outright confrontation or passive/aggressive manipulations. I would be telling myself if I couldn't have what I wanted, then no one else could either.
Off course, that's not the lie I was telling myself. I was masking it behind, 'Why does it have to be like this? All I wanted was a good day.' and 'This sucks.' but, once I got honest with myself, I saw I was deliberately making it worse to punish those around me for things not going my way.
Talk it out, try to see your part in the situation and figure out what else might be going on inside that's creating this stress.
My wife and I don't have a perfect relationship but we rarely allow negative feelings to linger. Pride used to be a big factor in continuing that 'icy' feeling, but I've learned to ask myself a very valuable question...
'Do I want to be right, or do I want to be happy?'
Good luck and remember that you decide what kind of day you have.
Make it a good one.
Amen to that!
Sorry guys, seems I've been MIA... again! The old MS reared it's ugly head and knocked me on my arse. It seems that I've been down more than I've been up lately. I guess it's finally time for me to go see a real doctor. I haven't been in ages, but if I plan to keep on, keeping on, I think it's time. I've got some family business to take care of in TX for the next few days (thank God, my sister will be driving), so next week, it's off to the dreaded doc I go.
Everyone, keep plugging away. Even if I'm not posting, I'm thinking of you & praying for you.
Everyone, keep plugging away. Even if I'm not posting, I'm thinking of you & praying for you.
Take care of yourself, my friend, and I'll keep ya in my prayers. Have a safe trip and we'll see you back soon.
Frawg
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Mommay, I wonder are you taking anything to prevent the MS from getting worse? There's a really awesome medication called Copaxone - its a daily injectable that comes in pre-filled syringes, so not like insulin you have to pull your adjusted shot with. Roomy's mom who has MS, has been using it and its kept her MS from progressing to where the doctors say if she hadn't been on it, she would be in 24/7 nursing care now. She's still mostly independent, but she's in her late 50s and doesn't always take the best care of herself, so we're here to help, but that drug has done more positive for her than I've seen almost any medication do for anyone for any reason.
If you need more info just ask I'll help out where I can.
Frawg
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I've been MIA too. Our phone lines developed a major static issue on Sunday and we were without phone or internet here at home until 8pm Tuesday evening. I intentionally avoided the internet for the majority of yesterday except doing my classwork online, and I did that on my phone. Too much drama on facebook among friends so I skipped it for the most part and just did some very light-hearted reading to take my mind off the chaos here at the house.
Supposed to be working during free time on getting the web-shop for the store I work for set up, have a small ton of projects that need to get finished, and I'm like @BUDKISS in terms of feeling at a loss control wise. I get 4 days off a week, and usually Sunday is 'recovery' day because work is 2-7pm Thursday, 2-9pm Friday and 11am-9pm Saturday with a 2hr commute both before and after work. So the hours of sleep between Fri & Saturday on weeks it actually works is 11:30pm-8am almost 8hrs if I'm able to fall asleep within seconds of getting in the door, and usually that's not even remotely possible. Cats to feed and scoop for, just being 'up' from the dark, forest-road drive home, etc. I'm lucky if I don't still see the clock at 2am. So long Saturdays on almost no sleep, and a long drive home mean I'm mostly useless Sunday except for late night cat feed & scoop. So I gave up early of expecting to get a ton of stuff done Sundays. I'd started making plans to sit down and work on project (a, b, x, etc) on Mondays. I'm so thankful I have customers who are patient as hell. I go to get project a done and the sewing machine I use that's older than me, decides it has a 'tension' headache and refuses to work. I schedule an appt with the sewing shop near work, urgh $80 uh no I'll just sew by hand for now thanks. So 3hrs of machine sewing becomes 15 hours of hand sewing...this will take me all week to finish. Cats get sick, mom gets sick, I spend Tuesday taking mom to the doctor and errands, yesterday the cat to the vet, cleaning one of the cats rooms top to bottom, and by the time I get that done its time for bed because I have to work today.
My 4 days off to work on orders, projects, ideas, the website, my sanity have evaporated, and I'm at the point where I'll take the project bag to work, and get what I can done, when I can, even if its 2 stitches on 1 cat toy between customers, or if its deader than the morgue on Tuesday maybe I can get 3-5 toys done and still make my boss happy. Boss has said "bring stuff to work on." I never seem to have time...but I'm trying.
Supposed to be working during free time on getting the web-shop for the store I work for set up, have a small ton of projects that need to get finished, and I'm like @BUDKISS in terms of feeling at a loss control wise. I get 4 days off a week, and usually Sunday is 'recovery' day because work is 2-7pm Thursday, 2-9pm Friday and 11am-9pm Saturday with a 2hr commute both before and after work. So the hours of sleep between Fri & Saturday on weeks it actually works is 11:30pm-8am almost 8hrs if I'm able to fall asleep within seconds of getting in the door, and usually that's not even remotely possible. Cats to feed and scoop for, just being 'up' from the dark, forest-road drive home, etc. I'm lucky if I don't still see the clock at 2am. So long Saturdays on almost no sleep, and a long drive home mean I'm mostly useless Sunday except for late night cat feed & scoop. So I gave up early of expecting to get a ton of stuff done Sundays. I'd started making plans to sit down and work on project (a, b, x, etc) on Mondays. I'm so thankful I have customers who are patient as hell. I go to get project a done and the sewing machine I use that's older than me, decides it has a 'tension' headache and refuses to work. I schedule an appt with the sewing shop near work, urgh $80 uh no I'll just sew by hand for now thanks. So 3hrs of machine sewing becomes 15 hours of hand sewing...this will take me all week to finish. Cats get sick, mom gets sick, I spend Tuesday taking mom to the doctor and errands, yesterday the cat to the vet, cleaning one of the cats rooms top to bottom, and by the time I get that done its time for bed because I have to work today.
My 4 days off to work on orders, projects, ideas, the website, my sanity have evaporated, and I'm at the point where I'll take the project bag to work, and get what I can done, when I can, even if its 2 stitches on 1 cat toy between customers, or if its deader than the morgue on Tuesday maybe I can get 3-5 toys done and still make my boss happy. Boss has said "bring stuff to work on." I never seem to have time...but I'm trying.
Having a real hard time
I know it's tough to do, but remember- you gotta take care of yourself before you can take care of others. If you let yourself get run down to the point you can't function, what good will you be to anyone?
Heading in to an appointment with my surgeon so I'll be out of touch for a bit but what's wrong, hon?Having a real hard time