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The Light at the End of the Tunnel
- Thread starter ghost62
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Thanks! I'll try that cuz I really like the device except for the wonky power settings.
Yup. That did the trick!
Very cool!
Congratulations!
I've been paging through this forum and saw that some people are sharing some of their story. So I guess I would like to share a small part of mine. In high school I started using pain killers with my friends because it was the cool thing to do. Next thing I knew I was hooked. For five years I ruined everything I held dear. I finally hit bottom when I got caught stealing from my own mother and she said she never wanted to see me again. I told myself I wasn't going to let this ruin my life any longer and I started to try and rebuild what I had destroyed. About a week later a friend who I hadn't seen since high school reconnected with me on Facebook and invited me to hang out at his gym with him. It was here that I was first introduced to mixed martial arts. Mma was a huge outlet for me, and It kept me distracted when I had "bad" days. I train six days a week twice a day now, and the picture above is me during my addiction on the left at 6'2 135 lbs. The picture on the right is from my first jiu jitsu competition at 6'2 205 lbs. The reason the picture means so much to me is because I took second place in that competition just before my one year, and after saying she never wanted to see me again, my mother took that picture.
Thanks for sharing that.
I've been paging through this forum and saw that some people are sharing some of their story. So I guess I would like to share a small part of mine. In high school I started using pain killers with my friends because it was the cool thing to do. Next thing I knew I was hooked. For five years I ruined everything I held dear. I finally hit bottom when I got caught stealing from my own mother and she said she never wanted to see me again. I told myself I wasn't going to let this ruin my life any longer and I started to try and rebuild what I had destroyed. About a week later a friend who I hadn't seen since high school reconnected with me on Facebook and invited me to hang out at his gym with him. It was here that I was first introduced to mixed martial arts. Mma was a huge outlet for me, and It kept me distracted when I had "bad" days. I train six days a week twice a day now, and the picture above is me during my addiction on the left at 6'2 135 lbs. The picture on the right is from my first jiu jitsu competition at 6'2 205 lbs. The reason the picture means so much to me is because I took second place in that competition just before my one year, and after saying she never wanted to see me again, my mother took that picture.
Addiction takes such a huge toll- I destroyed my family as well but, today, I have a love for them that wouldn't have been possible had I not first realized all I had lost.
Keep it up- those pics show a HUGE transformation.
It only gets better...
Yea man, my fiancé always tells me I'm like one of those tee shirts that says dopeless hope fiend on the back
I actually have TWO!
Dude I thought I was the only one! That's awesome
Greetings, all. @adk1989 , as the Mom of a recovering addict and the mom of a non-recovering addict, I can tell you that there is no harder- or sadder thing for a Mom to do, than to cut-off a child.On the other hand, there will never be anyone in your life that is any prouder of you, or happier, than that same Mom. Keep up the good work. Never give up.
Thank you, and you are not wrong me and my mom were always close before I started "fucking up", but now after we a much closer we talk everyday and I get to see her all the time...I know I'm a bit of a mommas boy...but fuck it lol, I'm not ashamed
I hope everyone is having a super day in sobriety land. If you're not sober, but want to be - or even think you MIGHT want to be- join us anyway - you're always welcome.
It's a cool, rainy, gray day here in AR. I'm swearing off my computer until I get my kitchen, living & dining room clean tonight... well, at least one of the three.
It's a cool, rainy, gray day here in AR. I'm swearing off my computer until I get my kitchen, living & dining room clean tonight... well, at least one of the three.
Demoniacal
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Momma's boys FTW, of course I'm not quite that close to my mother, not as close as I was when I first started fucking up, but then again she was the one who taught me how to roll a joint, now she's cleaned up and I'm about 14 years clean, we're starting to rebuild, just got her started vaping.
That's great man!!
Today's Just For Today meditation is one of the ones I refer back to all the time http://www.jftna.org/jft/
I used to think that I was somehow 'better' than other people because I was 'right'- could never lose an argument- could never be proven wrong- I once (no joke) memorized the entire deck in Trivial Pursuit just do I could BE RIGHT.
I was right, but I was miserable.
I ruined friendships, relationships but I was right.
One of the most valuable questions I've ever learned to ask myself is, 'Would I rather be right, or would I rather be happy?'
Right doesn't matter. It doesn't mean you're better than someone else. It doesn't equal respect. Right doesn't make friends.
Right makes you a jerk- or worse.
Today, it's ok to be wrong. It's ok to'let it slide'.
As long as I'm happy with me I have nothing to prove.
I used to think that I was somehow 'better' than other people because I was 'right'- could never lose an argument- could never be proven wrong- I once (no joke) memorized the entire deck in Trivial Pursuit just do I could BE RIGHT.
I was right, but I was miserable.
I ruined friendships, relationships but I was right.
One of the most valuable questions I've ever learned to ask myself is, 'Would I rather be right, or would I rather be happy?'
Right doesn't matter. It doesn't mean you're better than someone else. It doesn't equal respect. Right doesn't make friends.
Right makes you a jerk- or worse.
Today, it's ok to be wrong. It's ok to'let it slide'.
As long as I'm happy with me I have nothing to prove.
Amen sir..I had a big pride issue myself that'd a good one!!!!!
A day with the grands is always great (unless you have 12 and they're all inside at once). LOL. @Demoniacal, rebuilding takes time & it's worth all the time it takes to me. 'Nighters, all.
Frawg
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I've been fighting depression and feelings of being overwhelmed. I'm still around but plugging through it all in the only way I know how. Just not felt like being online or around other people much.
I go through that, Frawg. I totally get it. Post as much or as little as you need. We're here!
I know how you feel. For me it gets a lot worse in fall/winter
Got ya in my prayers.
Demoniacal
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Been kinda weird this week, Mom comes to see me at work, takes me out to lunch, and I find out she's using weed again, I know it's only weed, but.....
IDK how I feel about it. She's supposed to come with me next weekend to Vapercon, hopefully I can figure out how I feel by then.
IDK how I feel about it. She's supposed to come with me next weekend to Vapercon, hopefully I can figure out how I feel by then.
Like you said "it's only weed" as long as it doesn't turn into a gateway you may be fine...talk to her about it bro...I personally have to stay away from anything except the occasional beer or two...but your mom could be just fine...
For me, using is using.
Alcohol was ALWAYS my drug and it took me to the same rock bottom as hardcore needle users.
'Just weed' cost my best friend his job, family, home and eventually his freedom. He's doing 7 years for, of all things, robbing his dealer.
Good luck, but I gotta stay away from it all.
Alcohol was ALWAYS my drug and it took me to the same rock bottom as hardcore needle users.
'Just weed' cost my best friend his job, family, home and eventually his freedom. He's doing 7 years for, of all things, robbing his dealer.
Good luck, but I gotta stay away from it all.
Yea I hear you there I can handle the beer or two at most...to much and I'm off to the races and I never want to go back to that place
Demoniacal
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For me weed was my gateway, I'm fine with alchohol, but I would start with weed and go on to shrooms, and then all bets were off. I rarely if ever drink now, other than a couple of beers when I got over my in-laws house, and my wife would kill me if I even looked at another joint. My wife has been my biggest supporter, and as such also my personal Jimminy Cricket, so I defer to her alot when I'm not sure, but she already hates my mother, so I gotta keep her out of this one.
Frawg
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I know what led to my really deep dive, really quickly into the land of unending tears. I know not to let that situation repeat itself again. PMS from hell, dumber than dirt customers at work (want a cloud chasing rig for under $100, and I have 20 minutes to teach him safety and use of the device + wrap the only coil I've built for someone other than me because he needs to go back to jail...not one day but 2 in a row I had to deal with him), not sleeping more than 2hrs at a stretch over several days, not having any appetite and so not eating like I should, and attending an event that I'd had issues at the last 2 years sort of all snowballed and led me to a really angry, dark depressing place. Clearing the hormone hurdle and cleaning up a bunch of little things I needed to do for me, helped at least drag me out of the mood of "makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop!" to "Ok, I'm clearly overwhelmed and I need a break before I break me permanently.
Came home from a long day at work and cried my ass off. My tailbone is killing me, sitting in a chair for hours makes it worse, bending over and cleaning all day makes it worse, nothing I can do seems to help other then staying home and being unable to pay bills. Being in constant pain is really emotionally draining. I have the next two days off but that just means I have to catch up on housework and grocery shopping... And last but not least my coworker is driving me insane and we are completely broke until Thursday
I feel for you guys...
Challenging day here as well.
Nothing seems to be going right- every step is three steps backward and I just wanna say 'F@+# it'.
I just wanna be done. Want 'everything' To just be over. Want it to stop for just 5 seconds...
But that does me no good. Life still goes on and I have things to do.
Time for a deep breath, a little prayer and then dive in...
Challenging day here as well.
Nothing seems to be going right- every step is three steps backward and I just wanna say 'F@+# it'.
I just wanna be done. Want 'everything' To just be over. Want it to stop for just 5 seconds...
But that does me no good. Life still goes on and I have things to do.
Time for a deep breath, a little prayer and then dive in...
Seriously think I pinched a nerve or something ugh
Frawg
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Have you had a fall or something similar? I broke my tailbone backing into a door frame once. (I am nothing if not an incredibly talented klutz) The BEST thing for a broken tail bone or a pinched nerve in same area is a $20 donut pillow from the pharmacy (one that sells durable medical equipment) there's a new one out that our local shops sell that is designed to relieve sciatica, pinched nerves from tailbone fractures, and many other things that was $45 after taxes I think its called the wedge or something similar. I can't actually look as the tag is worn off on mine. Look up either support plus or active forever online one of those two places should have one if you don't have a local shop. A small investment makes for less pain and less pain meds long term.
That's the thing I haven't fell or anything.. I think it might be related to my ovarian cysts but doctors can't figure it out
I need something sitting at a chair for hours kill my back ... Thanks will look around.
Depression is almost an unexplainable state of being. I too have been in a very dark place for the last several weeks.
It eats at me. It reminds me of my ugliness and potential for causing others grief.
But also knowing that I'm not alone in my depression gives me a sense of relief. Not because I think misery loves company but because I know others can empathize with me. And that I can empathize with others.
I'm not really alone. And you're not alone either!
But like all things negative in my life I have learned to embrace my depression. I recognize it and I own it. I am the master of my pain. I rule and reign over my pain. I am the king of pain. My pain bows down before me. I do not bow down to it.
I allow it to run its course. Play its head games and then I put it away.
But I know not everyone has that same luxury. Nor have they / we walked the same paths in this life.
I just want to say I love and appreciate you folks.
It eats at me. It reminds me of my ugliness and potential for causing others grief.
But also knowing that I'm not alone in my depression gives me a sense of relief. Not because I think misery loves company but because I know others can empathize with me. And that I can empathize with others.
I'm not really alone. And you're not alone either!
But like all things negative in my life I have learned to embrace my depression. I recognize it and I own it. I am the master of my pain. I rule and reign over my pain. I am the king of pain. My pain bows down before me. I do not bow down to it.
I allow it to run its course. Play its head games and then I put it away.
But I know not everyone has that same luxury. Nor have they / we walked the same paths in this life.
I just want to say I love and appreciate you folks.
kelli
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hugs, sweetie. i understand so well. the funks hit and you just don't feel like being sociable with ANYONE. but it passes. and it will. ♥