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The Light at the End of the Tunnel

kelli

kelli

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Fishee said:
Depression is almost an unexplainable state of being. I too have been in a very dark place for the last several weeks.
It eats at me. It reminds me of my ugliness and potential for causing others grief.
But also knowing that I'm not alone in my depression gives me a sense of relief. Not because I think misery loves company but because I know others can empathize with me. And that I can empathize with others.
I'm not really alone. And you're not alone either!


depression_by_mic_1989.jpg

But like all things negative in my life I have learned to embrace my depression. I recognize it and I own it. I am the master of my pain. I rule and reign over my pain. I am the king of pain. My pain bows down before me. I do not bow down to it.
I allow it to run its course. Play its head games and then I put it away.
But I know not everyone has that same luxury. Nor have they / we walked the same paths in this life.

I just want to say I love and appreciate you folks.
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i love you and your attitude toward your illness. that is 90% of the battle. ♥
 
Frawg

Frawg

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One thing not a lot know about me is that I play in the SCA - medieval livingy history group that's worldwide. One of the people I respect in the society is a wonderful lady who has posted a blog on becoming a peer in the society - its an award of sorts for being a chivalrous person, and one who is recognized for either arts, sciences or martial activities (combat). A friend of mine happened to share the blog post yesterday and I needed to read it. I've read it before but it hadn't sunk in what she was talking about until I re-read it last night. I've been trying so hard to be everything to everyone and not focusing on me, at all.

While the blog is geared toward those who are looking to try to achieve the award of peer, she writes in a way that it can be useful for anyone, in SCA society or not. There's also a second reading - she links to about 2/3 of the way through the blog - she says she'll wait while you go read it. I recommend that too even if the purpose of that 2nd reading is geared toward SCA society even more than hers is, but it's just plain good writing and it might help someone so I'll suggest it as a - take the time to read it - sort of thing.

http://zsof.livejournal.com/531820.html

Worth the hour or so it took me to get through both. Not light reading. Lots of "Do I do this? Have I done this? OMG I should not do that!" moments. Lots of me realizing I fully set myself up for this current bout of fighting the depression monster. PMS + no sleep + stressing out about a project that was bound to fail + event with bad history + exhaustion from working and trying to maintain appearances = failure, big heaping amounts of fail. And the realization I need to step away from certain groups of people I associated with. I cleared like 1/3 of my friend's list. If they come back - so be it. If they don't I know it's not me, it's them. Those I kept mean more to me than those I chose to part ways with. I needed that fresh start.
 
Just Me

Just Me

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cherrycakes said:
Came home from a long day at work and cried my ass off. My tailbone is killing me, sitting in a chair for hours makes it worse, bending over and cleaning all day makes it worse, nothing I can do seems to help other then staying home and being unable to pay bills. Being in constant pain is really emotionally draining. I have the next two days off but that just means I have to catch up on housework and grocery shopping... And last but not least my coworker is driving me insane and we are completely broke until Thursday :(
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shopping
Try this they help me a little
 
Mommay

Mommay

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:)
Good morning, all. It is my greatest wish today, that all my Tunnel Buddies have a better today than yesterday.

The season change (all season changes) seem to kick my depression into gear. Just knowing (God, it took me near 35 years to figure it out) seems to help manage.

Let me take care of me before I try to fix anything/body else.... EXCEPT, @cherrycakes, when I used to have to sit all day, I had terrible back, tail & lower body issues. I got a huge therapy ball and used it for a desk chair. It kicked my arse and wore me out, physically, for a week or so, but the pain subsided & what a relief! Those posted Salonpas pads worked for spot pain for me, too. Just be careful where ya put 'em in the lower region.... whew - kinda like Ben Gay.
 
Mommay

Mommay

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Greetings, all. I hope the weekend was good to you. As for me, I got caught up on some much needed sleep. :)

Keep up the good work @ghost62 - sometimes it looks like you're just posting to the wind, but, I promise, your work is not unnoticed. Lurkers abound & you are helping more people than will ever be realized. My hope is, when you need it most, someone will pop in and tell you it was because of you that they decided to 1) take that first step 2) go back to recovery 3) reach out to someone else or 4) keep on keeping on & never give up. You ARE making a difference.
 
ghost62

ghost62

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Mommay said:
Greetings, all. I hope the weekend was good to you. As for me, I got caught up on some much needed sleep. :)

Keep up the good work @ghost62 - sometimes it looks like you're just posting to the wind, but, I promise, your work is not unnoticed. Lurkers abound & you are helping more people than will ever be realized. My hope is, when you need it most, someone will pop in and tell you it was because of you that they decided to 1) take that first step 2) go back to recovery 3) reach out to someone else or 4) keep on keeping on & never give up. You ARE making a difference.
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Thanks. I appreciate it.
Glad ya caught up on rest.
 
Frawg

Frawg

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Mommay said:
G-mornin'. @Fishee , @Frawg & @cherrycakes , How are y'all feeling? Better, I hope. :)
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I've been busy - work has me building a web-store for the shop. I spent today in bed with a light sensitive migraine, but the good news is this was the first one in like 15 days, so the B2 I'm taking for prevention is helping. I'm less stressed than I have been, which helps. But getting a headache that won't go away and the only thing to take is tylenol or advil, I sleep, a lot.
How're you doing Mommay @Fishee
 
TheWestPole

TheWestPole

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Somehow overlooked this recovery thread. Good to know it's here. I don't have to post a first step, do I?

Well, in lieu of that, a few x-dates:

coke 4/?/2004
benzos 7/26/2007
alcohol 4/8/2013 (after six years of relapses)
tobacco a month ago (last carton 7/21/2014, finished)
antidepressants a few weeks ago (last refill 10/4/2014, unopened)

Not proud. Just qualifying.

Cheers.
 
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ghost62

ghost62

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Member For 4 Years
TheWestPole said:
Somehow overlooked this recovery thread. Good to know it's here. I don't have to post a first step, do I?

Well, in lieu of that, a few x-dates:

coke 4/?/2004
benzos 7/26/2007
alcohol 4/8/2013 (after six years of relapses)
tobacco a month ago (last carton 7/21/2014, finished)
antidepressants a few weeks ago (last refill 10/4/2014, unopened)

Not proud. Just qualifying.

Cheers.
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Hiya WP!
Welcome. I'm glad you found us
 
adk1989

adk1989

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Mommay said:
Greetings, all. I hope the weekend was good to you. As for me, I got caught up on some much needed sleep. :)

Keep up the good work @ghost62 - sometimes it looks like you're just posting to the wind, but, I promise, your work is not unnoticed. Lurkers abound & you are helping more people than will ever be realized. My hope is, when you need it most, someone will pop in and tell you it was because of you that they decided to 1) take that first step 2) go back to recovery 3) reach out to someone else or 4) keep on keeping on & never give up. You ARE making a difference.
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She isn't wrong sir...I don't post everyday but a am here everyday...if nothing else you provide a ray of light...something like this thread can give someone just that little bit of hope they need to make it through another day
 
kelli

kelli

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really struggling right now. which makes me go to threads i should not be in, it's like i want people to be mean to me. i don't want them to be, but i do. it's fucked up. :(
 
adk1989

adk1989

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kelli said:
really struggling right now. which makes me go to threads i should not be in, it's like i want people to be mean to me. i don't want them to be, but i do. it's fucked up. :(
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Keep you're head up!!! This thread is filled with nothing but support!!!
 
Fishee

Fishee

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kelli said:
really struggling right now. which makes me go to threads i should not be in, it's like i want people to be mean to me. i don't want them to be, but i do. it's fucked up. :(
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Of course I don't know much about you kelli. But I have been familiar with you even before VU. I read many a post by you made on the OUTSIDE.

You are an incredibly intelligent young woman. You are also compassionate.
I happen to think that you are also a radiant personality. You are in many a ways a light. And that is really what this thread is about, the light. But you need to shine for yourself and not just for others.
You deserve to be respected and uplifted. Not to be torn down or belittled.

That goes for all of you folks. Don't let anyone dim the light that is in you. Don't allow anyone to belittle you.
And that includes yourself. Don't belittle yourself. Don't tear yourselves down. Don't sell yourself short.
No matter what our past may be or no matter what our present is today, we all hold a unique value and offer positive things to humanity. We affect each other in profound and unknown ways. Sometimes we are that one word of love, hope, or encouragement that the other person needed so desperately to hear.

Take a guy like me for example. I have maybe two true friends in my life outside of the forums.
But within these forums I have built real relationships. Received genuine blessings, And made honest to goodness true friends. I have had the honor of meeting some of the finest folks I've ever known inside of threads like this one and the others that I have frequented.

People like you, kelli, are the people I look forward to hearing from each day when I turn on my laptop.
People that accept me for my Fisheeness and see past an avatar and see a genuine emotional human being.That like all of us deserves to be wanted, respected, valued and loved.

Please folks, never sell yourselves short. You are appreciated. And You are likely far better of a person than you think yourself to be.
 
adk1989

adk1989

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Fishee said:
Of course I don't know much about you kelli. But I have been familiar with you even before VU. I read many a post by you made on the OUTSIDE.

You are an incredibly intelligent young woman. You are also compassionate.
I happen to think that you are also a radiant personality. You are in many a ways a light. And that is really what this thread is about, the light. But you need to shine for yourself and not just for others.
You deserve to be respected and uplifted. Not to be torn down or belittled.

That goes for all of you folks. Don't let anyone dim the light that is in you. Don't allow anyone to belittle you.
And that includes yourself. Don't belittle yourself. Don't tear yourselves down. Don't sell yourself short.
No matter what our past may be or no matter what our present is today, we all hold a unique value and offer positive things to humanity. We affect each other in profound and unknown ways. Sometimes we are that one word of love, hope, or encouragement that the other person needed so desperately to hear.

Take a guy like me for example. I have maybe two true friends in my life outside of the forums.
But within these forums I have built real relationships. Received genuine blessings, And made honest to goodness true friends. I have had the honor of meeting some of the finest folks I've ever known inside of threads like this one and the others that I have frequented.

People like you, kelli, are the people I look forward to hearing from each day when I turn on my laptop.
People that accept me for my Fisheeness and see past an avatar and see a genuine emotional human being.That like all of us deserves to be wanted, respected, valued and loved.

Please folks, never sell yourselves short. You are appreciated. And You are likely far better of a person than you think yourself to be.
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Fishee...you need to quit your job and become a motivational speaker!!
 
Mommay

Mommay

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TheWestPole said:
Somehow overlooked this recovery thread. Good to know it's here. I don't have to post a first step, do I?

Well, in lieu of that, a few x-dates:

coke 4/?/2004
benzos 7/26/2007
alcohol 4/8/2013 (after six years of relapses)
tobacco a month ago (last carton 7/21/2014, finished)
antidepressants a few weeks ago (last refill 10/4/2014, unopened)

Not proud. Just qualifying.

Cheers.
Click to expand...
Welcome, @TheWestPole & congrats on your accomplishments, thus far.
@cherrycakes That should be my fortune... I stumble & fall (literally) quite often. :eek:
@Frawg Hoping your head (ache) is better today. Knock on wood - it's been years since I had a migraine, but I remember them soooo well. When they got really bad, I'd refuse morphine - so the doc prescribed suppositories with pentobarbital (this was in the old days). I remember saving the last one for ages & ages... for a 'special occasion'.... geez, that was soooo sick.
@Just Me It's nice to have you here, in The Tunnel. Welcome.
@kelli Come to 'The Light' GF, we'll be nice to ya. Honest... but nice. We'd love to have you here with us. It's often hard to let the nasties go. When I would be bothered by hurtful remarks, I used to think of myself inside a glass cloche/cover. I could see things coming, but I was protected inside. Nothing could get to me - it would just slide over & off - like in the cartoons with an invisible force field. These days, it's mostly the inner voice that I have dealings with & am slowly learning to change negative to positive. The older I get, the easier it is to forget the drama. And, it makes my life a lot more peaceful.
@Fishee Dayuum' I've never read anything stated better. And, YES to what @Huckleberried , @kelli and then @adk1989 said about it!
@ghost62 How are you? You've been posting, but we haven't heard much from you lately. You're in my prayers daily.

I HAVE to make my monthly trek into town (and procrastinated til a Saturday - my least favorite day to go) & have lots I hope to get done. We'll just see how much I get crossed off of my 'to-do' list tomorrow, before this ole grandma collapses & drags home- my arse may not make it home til Sunday. ;)

Wishing you all a peaceful night and wonderful day tomorrow. Blessings, y'all. :)
 
TheWestPole

TheWestPole

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A whole lot of male fantasy invested in handguns in this forum this week. Worse, male fantasy posing as righteous politics. Depressing as hell, and giving me pause about who "we" are. :(

After missing my favorite meetings Monday and Thursday, I finally made it to one this afternoon. :) Helped even the keel a bit.
 
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ghost62

ghost62

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Member For 4 Years
Mommay said:
Welcome, @TheWestPole & congrats on your accomplishments, thus far.
@cherrycakes That should be my fortune... I stumble & fall (literally) quite often. :eek:
@Frawg Hoping your head (ache) is better today. Knock on wood - it's been years since I had a migraine, but I remember them soooo well. When they got really bad, I'd refuse morphine - so the doc prescribed suppositories with pentobarbital (this was in the old days). I remember saving the last one for ages & ages... for a 'special occasion'.... geez, that was soooo sick.
@Just Me It's nice to have you here, in The Tunnel. Welcome.
@kelli Come to 'The Light' GF, we'll be nice to ya. Honest... but nice. We'd love to have you here with us. It's often hard to let the nasties go. When I would be bothered by hurtful remarks, I used to think of myself inside a glass cloche/cover. I could see things coming, but I was protected inside. Nothing could get to me - it would just slide over & off - like in the cartoons with an invisible force field. These days, it's mostly the inner voice that I have dealings with & am slowly learning to change negative to positive. The older I get, the easier it is to forget the drama. And, it makes my life a lot more peaceful.
@Fishee Dayuum' I've never read anything stated better. And, YES to what @Huckleberried , @kelli and then @adk1989 said about it!
@ghost62 How are you? You've been posting, but we haven't heard much from you lately. You're in my prayers daily.

I HAVE to make my monthly trek into town (and procrastinated til a Saturday - my least favorite day to go) & have lots I hope to get done. We'll just see how much I get crossed off of my 'to-do' list tomorrow, before this ole grandma collapses & drags home- my arse may not make it home til Sunday. ;)

Wishing you all a peaceful night and wonderful day tomorrow. Blessings, y'all. :)
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Thanks for asking. Things have been a bit crazier in Ghostworld the past few weeks which had really cut into my time but I'm hanging in there.
Sometimes that's the best we can do- ride it out and know that it will pass.
Have a Blessed weekend and thanks for the prayers! :D
 
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