ECF Refugee Thread All welcome

[The Cromwell]

bronchiolitis obliterans

Actually there are several cases of bronchiolitis obliterans from many other causes like inhaliing solvent fumes and such.
Popcorn lung is the name the gave the cases caused from popcorn factory workers inhaling vast amounts of powdered butter flavoring.
One actually gets far far more of the bad stuff in the butter flavoring from smoking than they do from vaping.

 

[AndriaD]

Actually there are several cases of bronchiolitis obliterans from many other causes like inhaliing solvent fumes and such.
Popcorn lung is the name the gave the cases caused from popcorn factory workers inhaling vast amounts of powdered butter flavoring.
One actually gets far far more of the bad stuff in the butter flavoring from smoking than they do from vaping.

Exactly. But going into such detail with these golems just confuses the people who really don't know -- the main fact is that you DON'T get it from vaping, as the question was intended to communicate.

Andria

 

[Coyote628]

Yay! Made it to bed around 2 AM. Slipped on the C Pap, felt my little dog come up between me and wife. Probably two minutes later we were out completely. Got awake around 8:30 or so. Wife had already gone, she had 9 am work shift. Think I'm gonna go wipe down the kitchen cabinetry, get a coffee and veg a bit with the telly. Yee ha, so much fun today. Can't afford hobbies even if I could get interested in something. Maybe later on I might get into turning some pottery, not sure, we'll see.

Flint knapping is a fine and obsessive hobby. A bit rough on the fingers, especially when you miss the rock youre working on and a finger gets in the way

 

[MyMagicMist]

Flint knapping is a fine and obsessive hobby. A bit rough on the fingers, especially when you miss the rock youre working on and a finger gets in the way

Been giving it some consideration. Watched on Youtube someone recreated Otzi's blade.

Also been watching other similar videos. It has been something on my mind for a little while. Not exactly sure where to go in our area to gather material/s. Figure if I asked my wife she might know a few good creek beds along some back roads.

All kinds of stone along those for the taking. If nothing else might holler at her dad to take me out for a drive now and then. Might take a bit but sure I could do up some hard rock knives and sell them.

Something to do which might prove of great value. Get my mind off of a lot, and at the same time create a tangible, selling valued product. Yes, it does sound like something worth a little drive to gather some rock.

 

[Rhianne]

Flint knapping is a fine and obsessive hobby. A bit rough on the fingers, especially when you miss the rock youre working on and a finger gets in the way

Like what they did in prehistoric times? Making flint knives?

 

[Amber Petti]

Been giving it some consideration. Watched on Youtube someone recreated Otzi's blade.

Also been watching other similar videos. It has been something on my mind for a little while. Not exactly sure where to go in our area to gather material/s. Figure if I asked my wife she might know a few good creek beds along some back roads.

All kinds of stone along those for the taking. If nothing else might holler at her dad to take me out for a drive now and then. Might take a bit but sure I could do up some hard rock knives and sell them.

Something to do which might prove of great value. Get my mind off of a lot, and at the same time create a tangible, selling valued product. Yes, it does sound like something worth a little drive to gather some rock.

That would be awesome! I used to watch, forged in fire I think it was called where contestants would create knives or swords and compete on the show for who could make the better piece. It was really cool to watch! My dad was into woodworking and could create anything you wanted out of wood! He sold a lot of his pieces. I know it’s completely different than forging but it’s still a great trade to work with your hands!

 

[Coyote628]

Like what they did in prehistoric times? Making flint knives?

Exactly like that. Yep. Started getting into it last year. Lots of instructional vids an youtube.

 

[The Cromwell]

Made some arrow heads back when I was a kid.

 

[MyMagicMist]

I used to watch, forged in fire I think it was called where contestants would create knives or swords and compete on the show for who could make the better piece.

Still watch it. A lot of "crafting" stuff like that I have kind of put off while we live in an apartment. For example I cannot go out our backyard and set up a forge here. It isn't something feasible. The same in woodworking, pottery, anything of the like that I might want to "piddle" with, it just isn't feasible for here.

Hell, I had to let the compound's handy man come to loosen up the latch plates on our interior doors. With the onset of different seasons the door jams had naturally swollen or contracted. That made it so the doors were not latching. I watched what he did, it would have been what I thought of doing, done how I would have done it. It was a real simple "fix" yet I could not attend to it.

It is one thing to be humbled, another to feel castrated. Over the past two years I've had a lot of the latter.Still not really sure as to when we're supposed to be looking for our own home. I was told about two years to start. It keeps looking like closer to five, maybe more.

I could possibly find work, get a job to help expedite that. Therein lies the rub though, aside from the ever turning over fast food jobs there's not much else in our area. Even looked at trying for forestry jobs. They all require one to drive with a license. I've never had a driving license. Learning permits a few times but never a license.

Want to find out if not driving is a disability? Look at trying to find work rurally. Not sure I could be taught to drive. Sure I can drive forklifts, different other craft. Do not drive cars, trucks. I don't because there's too much coming in for me, I freeze, get terrified and lock up. Not sure why, unable to explain. My best guess is it might be some bit of autism that's remained undiagnosed. I don't know so cannot say.

I enjoy handcrafts like that though. I enjoy working even. I'm weird like that. Granted I do not like the "politics" and bullshit drama which so often gets into "work". I don't mind the "work" itself though as long as others in my similar position do their fair share like I do. Then too, bosses usually find out they can set me to working for a half dozen others. Can't help I like it, can't help I normally do well at it once I get it learned in under three days. I just take to working. And well then you can easily see how the bullshit finds its way in. "Can't have him making us look bad, ..."

And you can't come out and directly say "well then do the fucking work, huh?" So then the bosses get sold some snow job about you doing this or that. Oh well. Better I work alone anyway. Then, back to "well you need to drive." Yeah so, ...

Got to go see a doc in Parkersburg today. Got a surprise in the mail yesterday. Reckon someone that also has a Bull City account bought my wish list for me. I got it in the mail, made up a 10 ml batch of Hic's Bubble Gum flavor I've not tried yet. I think someone did this because my wife double checked, my account had no activity for 30 days.

I had this list of flavors set as a wish list to get to "eventually". Well, the bill was listed as paid, around $10. So, if I got a spare $20 sometime I'll buy that amount of someone's wish list at Bull City. I know a few from here that got accounts there. Not sure who would have had my small list sent on, thank you though. Figure I'll try Hic's Bubble Gum soon enough. Running down to about 1 or 2 ml in my other. Still got just a little left to dilute or use on its own.

Well, I ought to, ...

 

[Amber Petti]

Still watch it. A lot of "crafting" stuff like that I have kind of put off while we live in an apartment. For example I cannot go out our backyard and set up a forge here. It isn't something feasible. The same in woodworking, pottery, anything of the like that I might want to "piddle" with, it just isn't feasible for here.

Hell, I had to let the compound's handy man come to loosen up the latch plates on our interior doors. With the onset of different seasons the door jams had naturally swollen or contracted. That made it so the doors were not latching. I watched what he did, it would have been what I thought of doing, done how I would have done it. It was a real simple "fix" yet I could not attend to it.

It is one thing to be humbled, another to feel castrated. Over the past two years I've had a lot of the latter.Still not really sure as to when we're supposed to be looking for our own home. I was told about two years to start. It keeps looking like closer to five, maybe more.

I could possibly find work, get a job to help expedite that. Therein lies the rub though, aside from the ever turning over fast food jobs there's not much else in our area. Even looked at trying for forestry jobs. They all require one to drive with a license. I've never had a driving license. Learning permits a few times but never a license.

Want to find out if not driving is a disability? Look at trying to find work rurally. Not sure I could be taught to drive. Sure I can drive forklifts, different other craft. Do not drive cars, trucks. I don't because there's too much coming in for me, I freeze, get terrified and lock up. Not sure why, unable to explain. My best guess is it might be some bit of autism that's remained undiagnosed. I don't know so cannot say.

I enjoy handcrafts like that though. I enjoy working even. I'm weird like that. Granted I do not like the "politics" and bullshit drama which so often gets into "work". I don't mind the "work" itself though as long as others in my similar position do their fair share like I do. Then too, bosses usually find out they can set me to working for a half dozen others. Can't help I like it, can't help I normally do well at it once I get it learned in under three days. I just take to working. And well then you can easily see how the bullshit finds its way in. "Can't have him making us look bad, ..."

And you can't come out and directly say "well then do the fucking work, huh?" So then the bosses get sold some snow job about you doing this or that. Oh well. Better I work alone anyway. Then, back to "well you need to drive." Yeah so, ...

Got to go see a doc in Parkersburg today. Got a surprise in the mail yesterday. Reckon someone that also has a Bull City account bought my wish list for me. I got it in the mail, made up a 10 ml batch of Hic's Bubble Gum flavor I've not tried yet. I think someone did this because my wife double checked, my account had no activity for 30 days.

I had this list of flavors set as a wish list to get to "eventually". Well, the bill was listed as paid, around $10. So, if I got a spare $20 sometime I'll buy that amount of someone's wish list at Bull City. I know a few from here that got accounts there. Not sure who would have had my small list sent on, thank you though. Figure I'll try Hic's Bubble Gum soon enough. Running down to about 1 or 2 ml in my other. Still got just a little left to dilute or use on its own.

Well, I ought to, ...

Your driving issue may be from anxiety. I have anxiety and driving scares me and I’ve frozen up too. It took me years to get my license. I still can’t drive highways though

 

[MyMagicMist]

Your driving issue may be from anxiety. I have anxiety and driving scares me and I’ve frozen up too. It took me years to get my license. I still can’t drive highways though

*chuckles* Anxiety, depression, P.T.S.D ... border line personality possibly, yes they've all been pointed in my direction. I also have some claustrophobia I avoid thinking about. If there's something I absolutely need to do, I can often get by the claustrophobia. It isn't easy though and once my mom pulled me out from under her house and told me she would let another brother do what needed done. She saw I was in bad shape and didn't feel like forcing the issue. She's gotten scared like that herself on roller coasters. I've ridden a few coasters but will not any more. Yep, got sceeeared. *chuckles*

 

[AndriaD]

I freeze, get terrified and lock up. Not sure why, unable to explain. My best guess is it might be some bit of autism that's remained undiagnosed.

Sounds a LOT more like an intractable anxiety disorder. I have a mild case of a similar thing, driving in the "city," or on interstates, or on the massive "Perimeter" in Atlanta, 6 lanes in both directions that are always either bumper to bumper or at a total standstill. If I have to go anywhere outside of Lawrenceville or close environs in Gwinnett county, my husband or son has to drive. I can also handle going to other, slightly more rural locations just outside of Gwinnett; my doctor, in the small town of Winder, about 20 miles east of Lawrenceville, or Cumming, where my stepfather lives, about 20 miles NW of Lawrenceville.

The only real solution for that type of anxiety is medication plus exposure... but I know you already take a lot of meds, and without a license, the exposure would be difficult. Frankly I find driving to be less anxiety-producing than simply riding in a car in traffic... but I'm *afraid* I would freeze up as you describe, so I don't put it to the test, because the outcome of that freezing could be fatal in Atlanta traffic.

Andria

 

[MyMagicMist]

Sounds a LOT more like an intractable anxiety disorder.

That is about what it seems, because I know I've been tested enough, that autism should have cropped up. At least, one would think. Saw my endocrinologist today. He asked for my shot log. Six months ago it seemed he wasn't interested in seeing it. Not been doing it because I figured he no longer wanted bothered.

Been getting my shots. He decreased my dose. I told him that was likely why my numbers were out of whack this last screening. He then fussed he couldn't increase the dose without a shot log. He never gave a reason for the decrease. Fuck all, I don't know shit apparently. I especially don't understand doctors.

Told my wife the likely thing is I've been put into some trail thing without consent. She suggested simply likely due to using a controlled substance. I pointed out though if that were the case I would had to have gotten shots from a doctor only, supervised and logged on site. So far that's not happened. Also mentioned I just as soon be off testosterone. This gets met by the docs with a chorus of resounding no's. Funny how it seems patient rights don't apply to me.

I'm told various reasons I'm not allowed to come off of it. The main concern is that it is given for quality of life. I do not note much difference in quality of life though. Sure I'm furry and seem constantly a horny teenager. That though is just frustration I don't need. Finally the doc asked if I wanted kids, or my wife did? Told him no.

He asked how I felt. "A day is a day, is a day."

The only real solution for that type of anxiety is medication plus exposure... but I know you already take a lot of meds, and without a license, the exposure would be difficult.

Three medicines of a morning, Flomax, high blood pressure, 2000 unit Vitamin D3 with 50,000 unit extra on Sundays. I've got hydr-oxy-ine PAM for anxiety as needed up to 3 per day. If I took all three daily dosages as it explicitly states, I would be constantly asleep. Ergo one of the doctors let me have "as needed" status with it. Got tramadol for severe pain, which it does and doesn't work. Of course, I am very strict to use it only in severe pain.

So all in I take three medicines daily, one possibly two as needed and not always daily. Then, I get the testosterone every two weeks. I did get off the Effexor and the restless leg drug. Neither seemed to help me and not noticed any withdraw effects. The next mental health "drug" which is being considered is likely lithium salts. I am avoiding that too. It is a chemical lobotomy. I don't want to become a Stepford person, ... always happy. Not if it means I'm not me.

And yes, I comprehend that it may be I need to not be me to break from some of the depression, loss of feeling satisfaction and all that mess. No, I won't become something I'm not to be something I only might like being. I know too nothing is guaranteed. Still nope, not for me.

Then as far as license. Well, had learners a few times. I was supposed to have got taught. Life always made that not happen. Then too people would realize I locked up, decide it best to leave be. I'm sure I could drive under the influence of anxiety medicine, yeah sure. Let the sleeping guy drive everyone will be safe. So, I too leave it be.

 

[Amber Petti]

That is about what it seems, because I know I've been tested enough, that autism should have cropped up. At least, one would think. Saw my endocrinologist today. He asked for my shot log. Six months ago it seemed he wasn't interested in seeing it. Not been doing it because I figured he no longer wanted bothered.

Been getting my shots. He decreased my dose. I told him that was likely why my numbers were out of whack this last screening. He then fussed he couldn't increase the dose without a shot log. He never gave a reason for the decrease. Fuck all, I don't know shit apparently. I especially don't understand doctors.

Told my wife the likely thing is I've been put into some trail thing without consent. She suggested simply likely due to using a controlled substance. I pointed out though if that were the case I would had to have gotten shots from a doctor only, supervised and logged on site. So far that's not happened. Also mentioned I just as soon be off testosterone. This gets met by the docs with a chorus of resounding no's. Funny how it seems patient rights don't apply to me.

I'm told various reasons I'm not allowed to come off of it. The main concern is that it is given for quality of life. I do not note much difference in quality of life though. Sure I'm furry and seem constantly a horny teenager. That though is just frustration I don't need. Finally the doc asked if I wanted kids, or my wife did? Told him no.

He asked how I felt. "A day is a day, is a day."



Three medicines of a morning, Flomax, high blood pressure, 2000 unit Vitamin D3 with 50,000 unit extra on Sundays. I've got hydr-oxy-ine PAM for anxiety as needed up to 3 per day. If I took all three daily dosages as it explicitly states, I would be constantly asleep. Ergo one of the doctors let me have "as needed" status with it. Got tramadol for severe pain, which it does and doesn't work. Of course, I am very strict to use it only in severe pain.

So all in I take three medicines daily, one possibly two as needed and not always daily. Then, I get the testosterone every two weeks. I did get off the Effexor and the restless leg drug. Neither seemed to help me and not noticed any withdraw effects. The next mental health "drug" which is being considered is likely lithium salts. I am avoiding that too. It is a chemical lobotomy. I don't want to become a Stepford person, ... always happy. Not if it means I'm not me.

And yes, I comprehend that it may be I need to not be me to break from some of the depression, loss of feeling satisfaction and all that mess. No, I won't become something I'm not to be something I only might like being. I know too nothing is guaranteed. Still nope, not for me.

Then as far as license. Well, had learners a few times. I was supposed to have got taught. Life always made that not happen. Then too people would realize I locked up, decide it best to leave be. I'm sure I could drive under the influence of anxiety medicine, yeah sure. Let the sleeping guy drive everyone will be safe. So, I too leave it be.

I got put on Effexor and it didn’t work for me. I’m on klonopin for anxiety and it helps me. I take it twice a day or as needed. I used to always take one 30min before I drove and it helped tremendously! I’m on other mental health drugs and if I never tried them out, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I love my meds! They keep me happy and sane!

 

[MyMagicMist]

I got put on Effexor and it didn’t work for me. I’m on klonopin for anxiety and it helps me. I take it twice a day or as needed. I used to always take one 30min before I drove and it helped tremendously! I’m on other mental health drugs and if I never tried them out, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. I love my meds! They keep me happy and sane!

I'm happy to read that, and glad medications can help some. I'm not saying all medications do not work. Glad when they do actually.

Something I'm aware of though is my brain being wired up differently from birth. Part of that is due to my pituitary gland not having functioned, or been greatly hindered in functioning. This in turn led to the hormones that trigger growth of olfactory nerves not being present. So, I have no sense of smell or even the building blocks to possibly let me use for example a recent nasal spray which lets some have capacity to smell. These are people that have olfactory nerves.

Another portion of that is whatever is supposed to "be there" physically to help the chemical hormones release and receive dopamines, the "happy" chemicals, isn't there. Kind of got dealt it rough in how I got put together. Which, I know there is a possibility a correct combination of "drugs" could possibly help. I know I do okay in an altered state due to using something we're not allowed to use despite it being a miracle plant. That actually helps me relax, clears the negative voice, lets me feel some sense of "reward", "happy", "satisfaction","contentment". There again though that's a "no no". And I'm sure nobody would want me driving like that anyway. I wouldn't either.

So yeah, I know there's a possibility of finding a right mix. Rather not be a lab rat, despite seemingly being that simply because nature, providence made me different at birth.

A bit off hand here. For a long time I thought and felt there was nothing wrong with me. I go to serve in the Navy, they find what they label as hypogonadism. I'm kicked out I reckon because the Navy thinks if your cock isn't long, or your balls big enough you can't weld or fix torpedoes. So, I return home. Go back into the work environment, face some issues. My stepfather kept telling me I had an attitude problem, it is why I was rejected from the Navy, had problems in work.

It has taken me years to realize I have no attitude problem. It is not an attitude for someone to know there is nothing wrong with themselves in the greater scheme of things. It is not an attitude for someone to want to live as others live. That is to say as themselves and not trampled by everyone else or what their ideas of normal happen to be that day. It isn't an attitude to desire feeling good, nor one to want that without needing to rely on others for it.

Not attitude saying to you, I know some drugs can work for some but feel very few if any would work for me and I rather not play Russian roulette finding those that do. I'm happy yours work for you, happy with and for you, and yes I am actually happy in that. It makes me glad to see science work out. I just have trouble giving faith to much in life.

 

[Amber Petti]

I'm happy to read that, and glad medications can help some. I'm not saying all medications do not work. Glad when they do actually.

Something I'm aware of though is my brain being wired up differently from birth. Part of that is due to my pituitary gland not having functioned, or been greatly hindered in functioning. This in turn led to the hormones that trigger growth of olfactory nerves not being present. So, I have no sense of smell or even the building blocks to possibly let me use for example a recent nasal spray which lets some have capacity to smell. These are people that have olfactory nerves.

Another portion of that is whatever is supposed to "be there" physically to help the chemical hormones release and receive dopamines, the "happy" chemicals, isn't there. Kind of got dealt it rough in how I got put together. Which, I know there is a possibility a correct combination of "drugs" could possibly help. I know I do okay in an altered state due to using something we're not allowed to use despite it being a miracle plant. That actually helps me relax, clears the negative voice, lets me feel some sense of "reward", "happy", "satisfaction","contentment". There again though that's a "no no". And I'm sure nobody would want me driving like that anyway. I wouldn't either.

So yeah, I know there's a possibility of finding a right mix. Rather not be a lab rat, despite seemingly being that simply because nature, providence made me different at birth.

A bit off hand here. For a long time I thought and felt there was nothing wrong with me. I go to serve in the Navy, they find what they label as hypogonadism. I'm kicked out I reckon because the Navy thinks if your cock isn't long, or your balls big enough you can't weld or fix torpedoes. So, I return home. Go back into the work environment, face some issues. My stepfather kept telling me I had an attitude problem, it is why I was rejected from the Navy, had problems in work.

It has taken me years to realize I have no attitude problem. It is not an attitude for someone to know there is nothing wrong with themselves in the greater scheme of things. It is not an attitude for someone to want to live as others live. That is to say as themselves and not trampled by everyone else or what their ideas of normal happen to be that day. It isn't an attitude to desire feeling good, nor one to want that without needing to rely on others for it.

Not attitude saying to you, I know some drugs can work for some but feel very few if any would work for me and I rather not play Russian roulette finding those that do. I'm happy yours work for you, happy with and for you, and yes I am actually happy in that. It makes me glad to see science work out. I just have trouble giving faith to much in life.

Now that you explained it thoroughly, I fully understand. I’m sorry you were “built that way”. And the plant you’re referring to does help a lot of people! I’m sorry the Navy kicked you out. That had to have bothered you. I understand you not wanting to be a lab rat. I was hesitant because of the same reason. It took years and different combos for me to get on the right combo.

life is hard

 

[MyMagicMist]

I’m sorry the Navy kicked you out. That had to have bothered you.

It did for quite a while. Then, my Pap who served in WWII as infantry in the Army spoke with me briefly. What he said is rather personal but can assure you it gave me a different perspective. It was the only time I ever actually heard him come out and say something like that.

He seen I was hurting, struggling and not even following his example he lived helped. So we stood there in an open front shed on a blistery November day as he cracked walnuts for grandma and talked a few minutes. Then, we both got to chuckling over how the squirrels were thieving the walnuts.

He had been so proud to see me come home, no matter how I come home. He wore a ball cap with the Navy logo on it to come see me when I first got home. It went back on the coat rack and never got worn by him after that day. Damn I miss being able to go do whatever work needed done and do it in that most comforting and familiar silence. It was that silence in which we spoke, me, him, uncle "Buddy". We knew what one another felt, thought without need to ask.

I'm sure a lot soldiers can understand that conversant silence well. Excuse me.

 

[Amber Petti]

It did for quite a while. Then, my Pap who served in WWII as infantry in the Army spoke with me briefly. What he said is rather personal but can assure you it gave me a different perspective. It was the only time I ever actually heard him come out and say something like that.

He seen I was hurting, struggling and not even following his example he lived helped. So we stood there in an open front shed on a blistery November day as he cracked walnuts for grandma and talked a few minutes. Then, we both got to chuckling over how the squirrels were thieving the walnuts.

He had been so proud to see me come home, no matter how I come home. He wore a ball cap with the Navy logo on it to come see me when I first got home. It went back on the coat rack and never got worn by him after that day. Damn I miss being able to go do whatever work needed done and do it in that most comforting and familiar silence. It was that silence in which we spoke, me, him, uncle "Buddy". We knew what one another felt, thought without need to ask.

I'm sure a lot soldiers can understand that conversant silence well. Excuse me.

My brother is a former marine and I was in the army but never got to get deployed. My dad hung a marine flag outside his house for my brother until he came home and an army flag for me until I was honorably discharged from the army. It made me feel good when I got out of basic combat training and saw that flag. I understand where you’re coming from. When I was discharged I was heart broken. Especially since I didn’t get to serve my country. My dad made me feel good.

Thank you for joining the Navy! Signing that line means a lot. It shows you’re willing to die for your family, country, and citizens all over the country.

 

[AndriaD]

That is about what it seems, because I know I've been tested enough, that autism should have cropped up. At least, one would think. Saw my endocrinologist today. He asked for my shot log. Six months ago it seemed he wasn't interested in seeing it. Not been doing it because I figured he no longer wanted bothered.

Been getting my shots. He decreased my dose. I told him that was likely why my numbers were out of whack this last screening. He then fussed he couldn't increase the dose without a shot log. He never gave a reason for the decrease. Fuck all, I don't know shit apparently. I especially don't understand doctors.

Told my wife the likely thing is I've been put into some trail thing without consent. She suggested simply likely due to using a controlled substance. I pointed out though if that were the case I would had to have gotten shots from a doctor only, supervised and logged on site. So far that's not happened. Also mentioned I just as soon be off testosterone. This gets met by the docs with a chorus of resounding no's. Funny how it seems patient rights don't apply to me.

I'm told various reasons I'm not allowed to come off of it. The main concern is that it is given for quality of life. I do not note much difference in quality of life though. Sure I'm furry and seem constantly a horny teenager. That though is just frustration I don't need. Finally the doc asked if I wanted kids, or my wife did? Told him no.

He asked how I felt. "A day is a day, is a day."



Three medicines of a morning, Flomax, high blood pressure, 2000 unit Vitamin D3 with 50,000 unit extra on Sundays. I've got hydr-oxy-ine PAM for anxiety as needed up to 3 per day. If I took all three daily dosages as it explicitly states, I would be constantly asleep. Ergo one of the doctors let me have "as needed" status with it. Got tramadol for severe pain, which it does and doesn't work. Of course, I am very strict to use it only in severe pain.

So all in I take three medicines daily, one possibly two as needed and not always daily. Then, I get the testosterone every two weeks. I did get off the Effexor and the restless leg drug. Neither seemed to help me and not noticed any withdraw effects. The next mental health "drug" which is being considered is likely lithium salts. I am avoiding that too. It is a chemical lobotomy. I don't want to become a Stepford person, ... always happy. Not if it means I'm not me.

And yes, I comprehend that it may be I need to not be me to break from some of the depression, loss of feeling satisfaction and all that mess. No, I won't become something I'm not to be something I only might like being. I know too nothing is guaranteed. Still nope, not for me.

Then as far as license. Well, had learners a few times. I was supposed to have got taught. Life always made that not happen. Then too people would realize I locked up, decide it best to leave be. I'm sure I could drive under the influence of anxiety medicine, yeah sure. Let the sleeping guy drive everyone will be safe. So, I too leave it be.

Great that you got off Effexor. That's a very helpful drug, but a total bastard to withdraw from; I think I was in a "weaning off" phase longer than I was actually taking Effexor therapeutically.

I know living in an apt when you're used to more outdoors time is a real challenge. Do you have a patio or balcony, where you could have some potted plants? Getting outdoors and active and doing something so interesting is a really good way to beat a lot of the problems for which one might take Effexor... and it really helped me sleep well, too, when I was getting more outdoor-exercise time.

The sewing is my thing lately though, and I wake up every morning with some improbable idea of some sewing project; I used to do the same thing with HTML/CSS/Photoshop. I have a nice black cardigan sweater but the sleeves are only 3/4 length, and bell-shaped -- quite wide; I'm thinking about adding some velour cuffs to those sleeves, for more warmth and ease of pushing them up when I'm doing the dishes or something.

As for autism... at the very MOST, possibly a very mild Aspergers, on the total spectrum. You communicate very well, and that's not generally a feature of most on the spectrum -- given my own issues with The World At Large, my own communications skills give the lie to anything on the spectrum... it's just that damn major depressive disorder with its mate, generalized anxiety disorder or syndrome or whatever the hell they call it now. Mostly, just staying at home 95% of the time (or more!) seems to allow me the best conditions for not freaking the fuck out about everything in general.

Andria

 

[MyMagicMist]

My brother is a former marine and I was in the army but never got to get deployed. My dad hung a marine flag outside his house for my brother until he came home and an army flag for me until I was honorably discharged from the army. It made me feel good when I got out of basic combat training and saw that flag. I understand where you’re coming from. When I was discharged I was heart broken. Especially since I didn’t get to serve my country. My dad made me feel good.

Thank you for joining the Navy! Signing that line means a lot. It shows you’re willing to die for your family, country, and citizens all over the country.

Yeah. I got through boot. Was mid way through and went to medical for a case of "kennel crud", nothing serious. Then a doctor asked about the M.E.P.S notes, started looking at me, running tests. I was told then I would likely get "processed out".

It was all still honorable discharge. Reads as general "entry level separation". Had the E-7 for a few weeks but it was stripped two days prior to getting the "come home package". Those few weeks though I'm told according to some qualify me as vet but I do not know for sure. I had graduated boot, was still "in fleet" but was in a holding type of situation, though I could have gone out if required. They never said when shoving me out either.

The 214 reads all kind of silly. Kind of like they had no clue why they were discharging me but oh it was a rush and push, discharge me. ( Or as the man who nearly was an adoptive father and Master Chief Broiler Tech said they put me on a short rail road ride out.) Not too concerned either way. Didn't sign and swear for perks.

 

[MyMagicMist]

Do you have a patio or balcony, where you could have some potted plants?

We got a patio out back here. The but to that is it North facing so stays shaded all day. Our front door stoop has room where we've set two bar stool chairs. It gets sunlight all day facing South. The but to that is it isn't but possibly a tenth of the patio's size and is high traffic.

The sewing is my thing lately though, and I wake up every morning with some improbable idea of some sewing project; I used to do the same thing with HTML/CSS/Photoshop.

Had a mate a few years ago that got into doing fractal art. She had begun to sell some of her pieces too. One bloke gave her $600 or there about in U.K. currency for a 600 by 800 pixel piece she did. He was going to simply frame it after enlarging it, hang it up at home.

There are a couple Linux programs I could create fractal art with. Did a few pieces too. I just couldn't "get into" doing it. You need to understand about a lot of math that I'd rather not even think about. It is simple stuff or so I'm told, but I just didn't "take to" it.

Mostly, just staying at home 95% of the time (or more!) seems to allow me the best conditions for not freaking the fuck out about everything in general.

Hermits unite! *chuckles* I will be more capable of finding a sense of happy for myself, once we can get our homestead. I know this. I love being a country boy, farmer sort of type. I love critters. Eventually, on our homestead I might have a pottery shack and kiln. I'll build it from the earth like those guys on youtube building huts and houses out of the earth. The kiln might also double as a forge at times, piddle with some smithing.

I know there is a lot to do to that kind of living. There is a lot to know as well. I got a good heap of knowledge from doing but can also admit, I want to learn more. I think I have the capability for it. Been also looking at how folks are using some new ways of doing things to work smarter not harder, more in tune with nature too.

This is something I want and feel confident to do, feel sure it'll hold my interest well on into life. And I can do up walnuts, veggies, find stuff to make and do which help bring in extra money, help us out directly. I don't fear the work, in fact I like it. *chuckles* I'm just wanting grow into what used to be taught in schools, husbandry.

 

[susieqz]

for some, withdrawal from people works best.
i see a human no more than once/month.
maybe i was born to be a hermit, but it fixed my problems.
not expensive to live 3 miles from pavement, eithr.

 

[MyMagicMist]

for some, withdrawal from people works best.
i see a human no more than once/month.
maybe i was born to be a hermit, but it fixed my problems.
not expensive to live 3 miles from pavement, eithr.

My grandma worked in a cannery a few years before she met my pap. He was on his way to get into the Army. The orders he got sent him LA for staging to deploy out into WWII. Grandma quit her job, went with him to LA. While there she stood up to my pap telling him literally, "it's now or never." They got married as soon as he found a justice of the peace who called a local Baptist priest.

Grandma never learned to drive cars. Oh she tried a few times up to the point where she put pap's Desota coupe into a pond accidentally of course. He told her he would do all the driving from then on. She asked if he wanted her to go back to work. Told her that he would take care of that but she could keep house, and he didn't say it in a demeaning manner. Grandma got into a little bit of everything. She raised up skunks for people wanting them as pets, showed pap how to de-sent them.

So much of the time she had chickens, bannies, jersies, rock ports, all different kinds at different times. Her flock was never large but it was enough to keep the ground at home fertile. We had geese guard dogs a few years too. Walnut gathering was a big deal for her, and spinning up fishing nets. We would take walks, gather field & water cress, berries, different herbs.

Pap worked on a neighbor's farm for a while. He then immigrated into the hatchery for what was Holly Farms at the time. Spent thirty some years there even through it switching over to Tyson's. His boy, Uncle Buddy went to work there too. Him and Buddy joined AA together.

Eventually one day an insurance salesman came out to grandma's. He had brought a whole entourage as well. They filed into the house. Grandma sent me out to fetch pap in. This Mr. B from the insurance agency had spoke to pap about being his executor. Well, Mr. B had come to inform pap that with his careful management pap could now retire and have over a million dollars.

Pap sat the table quiet, silent. He looked across the table to grandma. She burst out, "oh Pap, what did you do?" Pap grinned and gestured that Mr. B slide the papers over to get signed. Mr. B had of course set up a nice modest growing mutual fund which he drew interest from, invested part back put the rest into a CD fund to save. He told pap that he would need to use so much of the money for tax purposes.

Pap again looked to grandma. "Guess you get your new house, mother. I'm getting a new car if you don't mind. Pick us a good house. I'll let Mr. B keep a check ready for you. Don't you buy it, let him do all that. It's what I pay him to do." Grandma was in tears.

Me and my wife seem to have reversed their roles. As much as I would love to help by working away from home, it is isn't seeming to be something feasible for me to do. There's all kinds of different variables involved. Some yes, I can control and need to be responsible, accountable to. Others though are external and I've no control over them, so cannot excuse them nor be responsible for them. And no that's not making excuses or shirking. It is being aware that life sometimes deals from the bottom of the deck. We manage. We both have love and hate with people.

We'll keep on keepin' on.

 

[Rhianne]

We got a patio out back here. The but to that is it North facing so stays shaded all day. Our front door stoop has room where we've set two bar stool chairs. It gets sunlight all day facing South. The but to that is it isn't but possibly a tenth of the patio's size and is high traffic.



Had a mate a few years ago that got into doing fractal art. She had begun to sell some of her pieces too. One bloke gave her $600 or there about in U.K. currency for a 600 by 800 pixel piece she did. He was going to simply frame it after enlarging it, hang it up at home.

There are a couple Linux programs I could create fractal art with. Did a few pieces too. I just couldn't "get into" doing it. You need to understand about a lot of math that I'd rather not even think about. It is simple stuff or so I'm told, but I just didn't "take to" it.



Hermits unite! *chuckles* I will be more capable of finding a sense of happy for myself, once we can get our homestead. I know this. I love being a country boy, farmer sort of type. I love critters. Eventually, on our homestead I might have a pottery shack and kiln. I'll build it from the earth like those guys on youtube building huts and houses out of the earth. The kiln might also double as a forge at times, piddle with some smithing.

I know there is a lot to do to that kind of living. There is a lot to know as well. I got a good heap of knowledge from doing but can also admit, I want to learn more. I think I have the capability for it. Been also looking at how folks are using some new ways of doing things to work smarter not harder, more in tune with nature too.

This is something I want and feel confident to do, feel sure it'll hold my interest well on into life. And I can do up walnuts, veggies, find stuff to make and do which help bring in extra money, help us out directly. I don't fear the work, in fact I like it. *chuckles* I'm just wanting grow into what used to be taught in schools, husbandry.

I know I’m late here but I think I’m only getting Tappy notifications about certain threads and when the app fucking feels like letting me know.

It seems like a whole bunch of us here are being hermits now. Not sure why, but I wonder what the similarities are with us. I’m hermetic hermitish? My hubs don’t like it, but he loves me more than that bothers him. hew:

 

[AndriaD]

I know I’m late here but I think I’m only getting Tappy notifications about certain threads and when the app fucking feels like letting me know.

It seems like a whole bunch of us here are being hermits now. Not sure why, but I wonder what the similarities are with us. I’m hermetic hermitish? My hubs don’t like it, but he loves me more than that bothers him. hew:

My husband is almost as much as a hermit as I am. We're both homebodies!

Just went to Kroger to grab some bacon... and got a HELLACIOUS deal on a turkey breast -- instead of $3.49/lb, it was $1.49/lb -- so a 6.71 lb turkey breast was $10 even! I dearly love roast turkey breast, SO MUCH more than that icky deli turkey!

Andria

 

[The Cromwell]

Snow on the way here so I had to go get milk and bread!

 

[MyMagicMist]

Snow on the way here so I had to go get milk and bread!

Thought I saw you running around today. No, I will not put my binoculars away nor my laser imaging cameras. I have too much fun observing.

We had to go out so I could get a shot, pick up medicines. She took us over to FIL's. She said we needed to go over because of the inbound snow. It was too pleasant a day today for there to be snow tomorrow. Oh well, t'is the season.

It seems like a whole bunch of us here are being hermits now. Not sure why, but I wonder what the similarities are with us.

Would suspect a few of us are introverted, unwittingly gathering here with vaping as a common denominator. Some of us might be a touch antisocial from mild borderline personality disorders, social anxiety. Large throngs of people frighten me.

This in part explains why I like the Internet/Web to communicate. In part though, it can also explain why I very strongly dislike the medium as a means of communication, too. There is a lot lost, tone, biorhythm, body language. At the same though that means one delves into reading other cues from basic text, ... patterns, context, subtext, pretext, assertive, aggressive, passive, truth, lie.

Granted using a mono-spaced text can shave away some of that. However, there is whole art and science to reading forensically which cannot be too easily misguided, misdirected, misled by any means. There is for example a lot of work going on with Automated Machine Language to read neural linguistic "programming" text.

AML is what artificial intelligence like Deep Blue, Watson use to read, analyze text, data and learn, create new algorithms to solve problems. Neural linguistics is what church preachers use to sway congregations, or the friendly looking tech guy uses to walk into secured server areas and wreck it all by uploading virus. Politicians also use neural linguistics to great degree. "Thrice I lie to you, making it true."

I might even be using it at the moment. Wrapping all these dispersed subjects into an amalgamation of hodge podge stew to craft a verbose way of saying communication can be difficult in any medium. And it can be, even flesh to flesh.

Not necessarily that I'm a great communicator by any means. I prefer a lot of silence actually, lets me stay in my skull, play with riddles, problems. Yes, I do talk though. Lots of times I get this odd feeling when I talk. "Holy fuck, people listen as in totally shut up and listen when I talk!" I don't quite enjoy that, or feel comforted by it. I'm just the shadow behind the scenes. Who am I to "command" such respect, honor that everyone shuts up and listens? Nobody.

And it always leaves me worried that I "come across" as this sort of Charles Manson type or something. That is nowhere near me yet I couldn't defend myself against that being perceived, attempting to only proves the perception all the more "real". The only way is ... stay silent.

I do that a lot anyway because of being passionate. Need to always temper out what I'm saying, how, why, to who, how they might respond. Because with the passion lies empathy and I'll know if someone took something in a bad, negative manner. I just do. Then it's too late, it's been said. Learning I'm a great deal like Pap.

 

[Rhianne]

My husband is almost as much as a hermit as I am. We're both homebodies!

Just went to Kroger to grab some bacon... and got a HELLACIOUS deal on a turkey breast -- instead of $3.49/lb, it was $1.49/lb -- so a 6.71 lb turkey breast was $10 even! I dearly love roast turkey breast, SO MUCH more than that icky deli turkey!

Andria

We like hanging out together, so we’re both homebodies now!

Cool deal on the turkey, Andria. Deli turkey feels slimy to me sometimes, like certain deli hams do. It may just be me, though.

I really like good roast chicken. I know, it’s commonplace. But it’s yummy and not expensive.

 

[Rhianne]

Snow on the way here so I had to go get milk and bread!

It’s in the low 50’s here now, but with a gale warning. Hope it’s not too bad for you, Crom.

Doing anything special for Thanksgiving?

 

[MyMagicMist]

I write too much to say too little. Well, that can be fixed. Write less, say more.

 

[The Cromwell]

It’s in the low 50’s here now, but with a gale warning. Hope it’s not too bad for you, Crom.

Doing anything special for Thanksgiving?

Prolly eating till a serious case of bloat?
Supposed to be down to mid to low teens for the next 2 nights. Raining right now turning to snow later and freezing in the roads.

I siliconed the door gaskets on my blazer so that they hopefully do not freeze closed.

And put out the heated kitty water bowl.

 

[susieqz]

personality disorder?
that's me.
a shrink would want me in treatment fast.
but maybe i just don't like people.

the guy i hired to bring my groceries will be here tomorrow.
after that, i'll see no people for 4 weeks.
snow would be fine, once i'm stocked up.

 

[Rhianne]

Prolly eating till a serious case of bloat?
Supposed to be down to mid to low teens for the next 2 nights. Raining right now turning to snow later and freezing in the roads.

I siliconed the door gaskets on my blazer so that they hopefully do not freeze closed.

I wonder if the cold will travel up the coast to us.

We’ll be having chicken most likely, plus some yummy pies from a farm nearby. We only get them on Thanksgiving since they run about $25. But they’re really good.

Do you throw hot water on your truck doors to unfreeze them? Or salt water or something?

 

[Rhianne]

personality disorder?
that's me.
a shrink would want me in treatment fast.
but maybe i just don't like people.

the guy i hired to bring my groceries will be here tomorrow.
after that, i'll see no people for 4 weeks.
snow would be fine, once i'm stocked up.

How’s the vaping going, btw?

 

[The Cromwell]

I wonder if the cold will travel up the coast to us.

We’ll be having chicken most likely, plus some yummy pies from a farm nearby. We only get them on Thanksgiving since they run about $25. But they’re really good.

Do you throw hot water on your truck doors to unfreeze them? Or salt water or something?

Not a good idea to do hot water as it might cause glass to shatter. Salt water rusts...
Just finally ge a door open somewhere and start it up and let the heater thaw it out.
But silicone spray applied to the gaskets and the mating surfaces usually keep them from freezing up as it repels the water.

 

[Rhianne]

Not a good idea to do hot water as it might cause glass to shatter. Salt water rusts...
Just finally ge a door open somewhere and start it up and let the heater thaw it out.
But silicone spray applied to the gaskets and the mating surfaces usually keep them from freezing up as it repels the water.

I’ve never thrown hot water on car doors, so I don’t know.

It’s cool that you left the kitties some hot water. But where do they sleep in the cold?

 

[JuicyLucy]

Do you throw hot water on your truck doors to unfreeze them? Or salt water or something?

If you must, alcohol works best

 

[Rhianne]

If you must, alcohol works best

Hi, Lucy. How’s HI? Alcohol could prolly help a lot of things!

 

[The Cromwell]

If you must, alcohol works best

Yep take a swig, pour some around door and repeat as needed.

 

[The Cromwell]

I’ve never thrown hot water on car doors, so I don’t know.

It’s cool that you left the kitties some hot water. But where do they sleep in the cold?

Ohh they seem to have hidey holes in old buildings and such.
Have not lost one to cold yet.

 

[zephyr]

Definitely not salt water, not on windows anyway - unless you dont mind washing your windows later so you can see

 

[The Cromwell]

Definitely not salt water, not on windows anyway - unless you dont mind washing your windows later so you can see

Yep fer sure. Had not thought of that but salt on the road on windsheild is nasty...

 

[Rhianne]

Yep take a swig, pour some around door and repeat as needed.

It could be a YT vid.

 

[JuicyLucy]

If it's really cold, throwing hot water on a window will just glaze it with more ice

It will freeze in the air before hitting the ground

I never did it, but know ppl who did. I did toss super hot coffee through the air once to see what would happen, and it was ice shard city in seconds

 

[The Cromwell]

It could be a YT vid.

YER DRINKIN ANTIFREEZE!

alcohol was the first antifreeze.

 

[Rhianne]

Definitely not salt water, not on windows anyway - unless you dont mind washing your windows later so you can see

I forgot about that! I do mind washing windows. Lol

 

[Rhianne]

YER DRINKIN ANTIFREEZE!

alcohol was the first antifreeze.

You could put flavors into unflavored booze!

I’ve never seen vodka freeze in the freezer, so I believe you.

 

[susieqz]

rhi, if you don't inhale. it's not fun, but your lungs thank you.
i'm kinda getting used to it.

my new theory is one needs to up nic very high, to stop some vaping.
getting nic sick will slow chain vaping n maybe allow some nice deep drags.

 

[Rhianne]

rhi, if you don't inhale. it's not fun, but your lungs thank you.
i'm kinda getting used to it.

my new theory is one needs to up nic very high, to stop some vaping.
getting nic sick will slow chain vaping n maybe allow some nice deep drags.

Suzie, have you tried high mg salts at all? I’ve been using 35 or 50mg salts when I’m coughing or my chest hurts. It doesn’t feel like that much nic with 35mg, but 50mg is a lot if I hit it too many times.

When I quit smoking this time round, being nic sick sucked! Maybe you can up the nic or even drop some on your tongue. Under the tongue will prolly burn a lot.

I realized certain flavors are making my chest hurt. For me, it’s some fruity ones like raspberry or banana.

But nic salt is easier on my lungs, for some reason!

 

[AndriaD]

We like hanging out together, so we’re both homebodies now!

Cool deal on the turkey, Andria. Deli turkey feels slimy to me sometimes, like certain deli hams do. It may just be me, though.

I really like good roast chicken. I know, it’s commonplace. But it’s yummy and not expensive.

I agree, about the sliminess, and also the smell -- the chicken lunchmeat from Kroger smells like chicken... the turkey lunchmeat smells like garbage! ICK! Thankfully, he's decided that chicken salad is easier on his slightly decrepit teeth, so he's been on that for about 6 months rather than lunchmeat.

I figured it was a good idea to go ahead and get the turkey now, since this payday we'll need to get a bunch of other unusual items for the t'giving feast -- some good spuds from Public (theirs are just better, not so many dark spots, but they're about 20 cents a lb more), some of that Pepperidge Farms stuffing mix, Heinz turkey gravy, those awesome King's Hawaiian rolls, and of course some pumpkin and pie shells and LOTS of whipped cream. I love t'giving, it's the best food of the year!

Since the stuffing is usually a lot more than we need for that feast, I'll do the chicken-stuffing-spuds-gravy meal a time or two, because I agree with you about the numminess of roast chicken, with the usual trimmings -- stuffing, though we call it "dressing" down here, mashed spuds and gravy. Sometimes I'll even give them a treat and make it FRIED chicken -- huge pain in the ass and one hell of a greasy mess, but I finally figured out how to keep the breading on, so it's definitely tasty!

Andria