Teachers. I was laughing with some grade school friends at my buddy's funeral (I'm German, we do that) about our teachers. Catholic school, but we had some teachers that were not nuns. They were lay teachers. I didn't make up that name. Every classroom was long on the outside wall, and short in depth from the outside wall. A hallway divided a similar row. Teacher used to sit at the long end, and we sat aside the windows. One day, two dogs decided to copulate right next to the flag pole. I can only speculate what incited the desire to do it there. But HALF the school was in full view, and they had already had a few sessions before someone got the idea to call a firedrill and pull us out into the playground. Half weren't in on the joke.
So they decided we had to have our backs to the window. WIDE classroom now, lots of short rows of desks. I always sat in a back corner, by a window. So did most of my friends. We passed notes with paper airplanes when we thought the teacher wouldn't see it. Mrs. Van Veen was.. uh, a Dutch lay teacher, yeah. Except for the tacky 60's bouffant parted in the middle and gobs of makeup, she was pretty hot. One day I got the brilliant idea to pass a note to a bud. Mrs. Van Veen's nose was solid in a book. Well, the windows were open, and the note turned up the middle isle, and came to perfect rest in the part of Mrs. Van Veen's hair. Normally, we'd all act innocent, but this was a Felony. Or whatever we called the mortal sins. I swear, I saw the beginning of a laugh, but she did what she had to do, and sent me where I had to go. Do you know how they came up with the name for a ruler?
She had a thing for Mr. Feretti. WE all knew it. I think the nuns were blind or in denial. My bestie since grade 0, who is still my bestie, sat behind me in Feretti's class. One day, he got me on the neck with a rubberband in the middle of class. I ejaculated an expletive, and got led out of the classroom by Mr. Feretti, steering me by my ears. In the hallway, his eyes were like an OWL. Where'd ya learn THAT word? Why did you scream that out? I wasn't going to rat out my bestie, so I told Feretti I got stung. "Where?" Back of my neck. He looks. Finger long welt. "Do you want to go to the office for first aid?" Nope, sorry about the cuss, can we get back to class? When I went back in the classroom, I pointed RIGHT at my buddy, and said "will you watch my back for bees?". He almost killed himself holding in that laugh. Dick.