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Bliss Doubt

Bliss Doubt

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gopher_byrd said:
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One of my bosses at the old brick & mortar had all kinds of corny, meaningless schtick. If he was near the restroom when you were heading there, he would stand in front of the door and say "no you can't go in there". So I would say "fine, then I'll use your desk drawer". That never failed to get him out of the way.
 
gadget!

gadget!

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Happy Birthday @gopher_byrd
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Lady Sarah

Lady Sarah

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This gets me. I get bombarded with emails from the power company trying multitudes of ways to force me into not using air conditioning at all, no matter how hot it gets. We have already recorded 123°F in our front yard. Y'all know how card heat up in the sun? Imagine a freakin' house with no AC. I delete the bait they send, even the ones claiming they'll pay me $150 to do it. My last bill wasn't even that high.
 
Michael H.

Michael H.

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Everybody is showing up for work Monday morning and one of the employees notices his boss pulling up in a brand new 2023 Ford F350 4x4 fully loaded.

He walks over to his boss and tells him "Man that's really a nice truck!!"...His boss says "You like that huh?...The guy was like "Yea, a whole lot!"

The boss says "I'll tell you what,.You keep showing up for work everyday like you have been and keep showing up on time and putting in all those over time hours and we'll see what we can do about buying me another one next year.
 
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Michael H.

Michael H.

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This couple is getting ready to go out and the husband says to his wife "Babe , your butt is getting as big as the BBQ grill"...The wife turns around and gave him a blank stare then continued to get ready....They go out for the night and make it back home..The hubby tries to get the wife in the mood and she kept ignoring him...he says "Honey, what's wrong?".. She replies "Do you really expect me to fire up this big ol' BBQ grill for one little tiny weenie?'
 
Lady Sarah

Lady Sarah

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An older couple were laying in bed when the man lets one go, and he yells "SEVEN!". She asked "what the heck?" He said thats called Fart Football, and that he scored a touchdown.

She felt one coming on, and so decided to play. She let one loose, and yelled "touchdown". After a couple minutes, her husband let one loose and yelled "touchdown, 14-7". A few minutes later, she farted, and said "touchdown, score tied"

Not one to be defeated, the husband struggled to let loose another one, and ended up crapping his side of the bed. She asked "what the heck was that?!"

He exclaimed "that was the half time show. Now, we switch sides".
 
Lady Sarah

Lady Sarah

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Little Johnny was getting ready for bed one night while, one the way back from the bathroom, he passes his parent's room, and sees the sheets going up and down. He asks what they are doing. His dad says "playing cards". Little Johnny asks "Who's your partner?" His dad says "your mother."

Then, Little Johnny passes by his sister's room and sees the sheets going up and down. He asks "what are you doing?" She says "playing cards". He asks "Who's your partner?" She says "my boyfriend".

A little later, Little Johnny's father is going down the hall and stops by Little Johnny's room, and sees the sheets going up and down. He asks "Little Johnny, what are you doing?" Little Johnny says "playing cards". Dad asks "Who's your partner?" Little Johnny tells him "You don't need a partner when you have a good hand."
 
gadget!

gadget!

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The other day my neighbor, who is blonde, came running up to me in the driveway just jumping for joy! I didn’t know why she was jumping for joy but I thought, what the heck, and I started jumping up and down along with her.

She said, “I have some really great news!”

I said, “Great. Tell me why you’re so happy.”

She stopped jumping and, breathing heavily from all the jumping up and down, told me that she was pregnant! I knew she had been trying for a while so I told her, “That’s great! I couldn’t be happier for you!”

Then she said, “There’s more…”

So I asked, “What do you mean ‘more’?”

She said, “Well, we are not having just one baby. We are going to have TWINS!”

Amazed at how she could know so soon after getting pregnant, I asked her how she knew. She said…

“Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart and they actually had a home pregnancy kit in a twin-pack. Both tests came out positive!

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gadget!

gadget!

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GREEN GRASS

A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered.
It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a Tattoo that read . ..' Keep off the grass.'

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, Which said, 'Sorry ... Had to mow the lawn.'

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