BEGINNING
Happy New Year! We did it. We made it through 2020.
Oomph. What a year that was. Though it did have some good moments, I'm sure I'm not the only person who is more than a little glad to see it go. A new year is beautiful because it is an opportunity to begin anew. We of course carry things with us over into it, but it does provide a built-in opportunity for reflecting on whether there is anything that we do want to leave behind in order to move more freely into this new beginning.
The major, or minor, upsets from our past can cling to us even long after we think we have gotten over them, and the same is true for hurts that we have inflicted that we have yet to properly ask forgiveness for. It was a part of healing that I had completely ignored up until I was diagnosed, or at least had told myself it was an area I didn't have any unfinished business in. I was great at making excuses like, "It will only make things worse to drag all of that back up again." But the opposite is actually true. When we don't forgive or ask for forgiveness, the roots of those hurts dig imperceptibly deeper, affecting us and others on all levels, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and yes, even physically.
One of the greatest human fears is not belonging. We are social animals, and in the past, our survival depended on our ability to work and live and protect each other as a group, a community. To be excluded meant almost certain death by starvation, the elements, a predator, or one of many other threats. That primitive fear lingers, and we leave hurts where they are buried for fear that we won't be forgiven, that our attempt at reconciliation won't be accepted or, even worse, that we will be shunned for reminding everyone of the hurt we have caused.
We find it very easy to forget that we are ALL human. We are far from perfect, but therein lies the beauty; if we aren't perfect, NO ONE is, and if no one is perfect, we should all understand when another makes a mistake. And if we can understand when someone else makes a mistake, we have just as much of a chance of our mistakes being understood and forgiven, so there is no need to fear. Taking a chance and trying is so much better than never having tried at all.
"All persons make mistakes. And all mistakes can be forgiven."
Another beautiful and oh-so-very-true ethic from the Anishinaabe code. Yes, it might be insanely scary to take that step, to dig up those roots and ask for forgiveness, but everyone makes mistakes and all mistakes can be forgiven. It might be equally scary to finally grant that forgiveness you have been holding onto, to let go of an anger that has been protecting you from feeling that hurt, but we absolutely have the power to choose to let it all go and forgive, especially when we understand that forgiveness is as much about self-care and self-love, about doing what is best for US, as it is about helping the person we are forgiving. And when we choose to forgive, it makes it easier for the next person to make that same choice - and who knows, it might be us they are choosing to forgive. Put out that which you wish to receive.
I've been on both sides of some really huge hurts. I know what it felt like and what it did to me to hold onto it all by denying I needed to let go of or give or ask for anything. And I know what it felt like to finally release it all and to finally reach out an olive branch. The choice is up to each and every one of us, but I know what I will always and forevermore choose. It is my wish for us all that we can start this beautiful new year with release and forgiveness, either getting or granting.
Happy Healing
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