SPIRALLING
I had two days recently where I was paralyzed by anxiety. If you likewise have anxiety after cancer, or just in general, you probably know exactly what I mean. I was stuck in position on my couch, manically working away on one issue and simultaneously fretting, beating myself up, and feeling generally bad about another one. What started out as a nice week, ended in a spiral that was the worst I'd had in quite some time. Cancer taught me how to recognize my anxiety symptoms (and also that I even struggle with anxiety), and as a result, I’ve gained a lot of tools to help deal with it. Most of the time it’s low-level now and totally manageable, but I still have my days, usually when I’m overly stressed or tired or have other problems going on that I’m worried about; that’s the anxiety monster’s favourite time to come out and play
What made the recent one so bad was that I let it. All of my trusty tools went out the window as I let myself slip deeper and deeper into the vortex. The deeper you get, the less logical and practical you get, and the less logical you get, the easier it becomes to spiral deeper; it's a vicious circle. By the lowest point, I was fully convinced my IP address had been hacked and my identity was at risk of being stolen. It feels so silly to say it now, but it felt so real at the time.
And that's the thing about anxiety. It takes the worst-case scenarios, the ones that in all likelihood are the least probable explanations, and makes them seem like the most logical and plausible conclusions. When we are really struggling, like when we are first learning about our anxiety, how it manifests, where it comes from, and how we can work on improving it, we may need outside help to navigate this and mitigate anxiety's hold on us. We may need medical interventions like medications to help us manage. Whatever you need, know that there is absolutely no shame in asking for and getting that help.
Once we have more of a handle on it though, after we have filled our toolboxes with the things that we know work for us from experience, that's when we can start taking more independent control over our anxiety. Because ultimately, we are the ones that have the power; it's up to us whether we let anxiety push us to this point or we take steps to stop it in its tracks, once we know how. There is something very empowering in this realization. At the beginning, I said that I had
let it spiral, and what I mean is that when I noticed my anxiety ramping up, I didn't take the steps I should have to ensure it didn't get the best of me. I was already tired and stressed and overwhelmed about other things that week; my defenses were down and it slipped past. But this taught me an important lesson: to notice when I'm experiencing compounding factors that I now know make me more susceptible to uncontrolled anxiety so that I can address them before my anxiety monster takes the wheel.
It won't always be as easy as taking a mindful moment to pause, breathe, and regain perspective to get on top of and calm our anxiety. Some days, we will spiral, and that's okay. What's important is, when we are able, to start slowing that spiral as much as we can with whatever methods work for us such as therapy, talking with a loved one, getting a change of scenery by going outside, or taking a break completely from manically (and likely ineffectively at that point) working on the issue. Then, we will be able to take consistent little steps to back ourselves up and out of it with our tools, like meditation, EFT tapping, yoga, deep breathing, HeartMath, writing, creating, or whatever else you love for this. When we return to the land of reason and logic, we can look back at the vortex with perspective and reflect on what we can learn from this most recent spiral so that we can help ourselves even more effectively the next time we approach the edge.
Crises happen. Anxiety appears. Problems arise. Negativity and anger and fear will get us in their grip at one point or another. It's impossible to get through this life unscathed, but it's what we do with these experiences that counts. When we can regain perspective and take what we can from these challenges to help prepare us to deal more effectively with the next, that's when we truly free ourselves from that grip.
Happy Healing
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