LOVING BOUNDARIES
As a result of going through cancer and doing a lot of personal exploration, I discovered that I’m an empath. An empath is a person highly attuned to the emotions of those around them, but it goes beyond this to actually taking those feelings on and feeling yourself what another person is feeling.
It really makes so much sense, and looking back on my life, I know that this facet of me was in the driver’s seat for most of it up until my diagnosis and responsible for a lot of the decisions and behaviours of my life. It still is, in truth, but I’m slowly learning when to let the empath reign and when to reel it in.
I let how others felt and what they believed determine far too much in my life during the before-times (before cancer). It kept me in bad relationships, had me convincing myself to abandon dreams, and had me people pleasing 24/7, 365 days a year. You may have heard of the “breast cancer personality” before - the tendency for those of us who put others' wants and needs before our own, who over-mother and over-care, to develop breast cancer - and I wouldn’t be surprised at all if “empath" gets added to that list of traits.
When we’re diagnosed, it’s a common occurrence for other people to start piling on suggestions, opinions, and their own feelings about the situation. While this all comes from a place of caring and of them just wanting to help, it can be super overwhelming. While we’re trying desperately to manage our own mental and emotional health along with the extremely pressing physical healing we’re undergoing, there is a hurricane of other people’s emotions engulfing us, and it can seem next to impossible NOT to absorb at least some of it.
If you find yourself in the middle of a similar storm, the best thing you can do is start putting your emotional and mental wellbeing FIRST. It may feel selfish and weird and uncomfortable initially, but it is one of the most important things you can do on this healing journey. Putting firm boundaries in place surrounding who or what you can be present for, support, and listen to, and especially what you can give, is key.
When we spend our lives taking care of others and putting their emotional needs first, it can be a real struggle to shift that focus onto ourselves, but you deserve every ounce of it, and a piece of your healing may be depending on it. So, erect those loving boundaries. I think you’ll find that those who really matter will congratulate you for it, and those that don’t appreciate it, well, that’s why those boundaries are in place, so they can stay firmly on the other side of them.
Happy Healing
