FORWARD
It’s a new year and a fresh start. But sometimes at this time of year, it’s easy to feel the opposite. We think about the year that has passed and all that we didn’t accomplish, and we feel a sense of regret. And then a wave of foreboding washes over us…will this year be the same? Will I be here
next year feeling the same way about
this year?
But what we think is the best route, is the best timeline, are the right steps, may not be. I never could have imagined or planned the steps and choices and events that had to happen to get me here. We’re afraid things won’t work out as we’ve planned, but often, that’s a good thing. I’ve seen over and again in my life that things end up being even better or more interesting than we could have hoped for, or they make us grow more than we would have on the path we thought we should have been on, or they transform us in ways we didn’t even know we wanted or needed to be transformed.
This can be hard for a planner like me. I like order, I like organisation…let’s be honest, I like control. I know this stems from the tumult of a few events in my childhood, but most impactful was my father’s death. The reverberations of that loss had a few different effects on me that would shape the person I became in many ways, some of which I’m now trying to release, repair, or recreate. One of those ways was an anxiety over control and giving it up. I don’t like to give it up.
This can be good sometimes. It makes me very organised, it keeps me focused, and it certainly motivates me; it served me well in many ways on my healing journey. However, it also means I take on too much, I don’t delegate enough, and I don’t ask for help as much as I should. It means stress, it means being hard on myself, and it means regret when I don’t accomplish the things I’ve set for myself in the time I gave myself, because that feels like I’ve failed to control the outcome effectively.
But now, on the other side of cancer - a situation that forces you to look at life and realise that there are some things you simply can’t control - I recognise that that regret or upset or guilt is absolutely not something I should place on myself, and I’m working to do so less and less often.
Don’t lament the time that has passed and the things that you didn’t do, the choices that you made or had to make. What is meant for you will not pass you by. What happened, and didn’t happen, is exactly what got you to this point right now, and it’s the point you’re meant to be at.
Start the year by looking forward, not looking back. Instead of the cement blocks of disappointment, dissatisfaction, and remorse that shackle you to the past, tether yourself instead to excitement, curiosity, and hope. Enter the new year with an open mind and an open heart. Give up that control, just a little bit.
Happy Healing
