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Random Bullshit!
- Thread starter f1r3b1rd
- Start date
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, she said I was doing fairly well for my age. (I'm 65)
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?'
She asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then she asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
She asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said...
She looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?
Sent from a Galaxy far far away
A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking her, 'Do you think I'll live to be 85?'
She asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'
'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'
Then she asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'
'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!'
'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?'
'No, I don't,' I said.
She asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'
'No,' I said...
She looked at me and said, 'Then, why do you even give a shit?
Sent from a Galaxy far far away
Ohhh man! Thanks for sharing Hon. I think we all needed a laugh today.
Four Worms in Church
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol: dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke: dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup: dead.
The fourth worm in good, clean soil: alive.
So the minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine was sitting in the back and quickly raised her hand. "If you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
That pretty much ended the service.
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good, clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol: dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke: dead.
Third worm in chocolate syrup: dead.
The fourth worm in good, clean soil: alive.
So the minister asked the congregation, "What did you learn from this demonstration?"
Maxine was sitting in the back and quickly raised her hand. "If you drink, smoke, and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
That pretty much ended the service.
Sex life
When God handed out sex life he first went to man and said, "I am going to give you twenty years of normal sex life".
Man wasn't happy about this at all but there wasn't much he could do about it.
Next God went to the Monkey and said, "I'm going to give you twenty years of normal sex life".
The Monkey complained, "that's way too much, i won't have time to be mischievous and cause trouble. Ten years is more than enough for me".
Man jumped up and said, I'll take the ten years he doesn't want!
Then God turned to the Lion and said, "I have twenty years of normal sex life for you as well".
The Lion roared, "there's no way I can be the King of the Jungle and spend that much time having sex"!
Ten years is plenty for me as well.
So Man jumped up and said, "I'll take those other ten years".
Then last but not least, God turned to the Donkey and said, "I have twenty years of normal sex life for you too".
The Donkey said, "No way, I'm far to lazy to be able to handle that, ten years is plenty for me".
You guessed it, Man jumped right on that ten years as well.
So that's why Man has twenty years of normal sex life, ten years of monkeying around, ten years of making an ass out of himself, and ten years lying about it.
Sent from a Galaxy far far away
When God handed out sex life he first went to man and said, "I am going to give you twenty years of normal sex life".
Man wasn't happy about this at all but there wasn't much he could do about it.
Next God went to the Monkey and said, "I'm going to give you twenty years of normal sex life".
The Monkey complained, "that's way too much, i won't have time to be mischievous and cause trouble. Ten years is more than enough for me".
Man jumped up and said, I'll take the ten years he doesn't want!
Then God turned to the Lion and said, "I have twenty years of normal sex life for you as well".
The Lion roared, "there's no way I can be the King of the Jungle and spend that much time having sex"!
Ten years is plenty for me as well.
So Man jumped up and said, "I'll take those other ten years".
Then last but not least, God turned to the Donkey and said, "I have twenty years of normal sex life for you too".
The Donkey said, "No way, I'm far to lazy to be able to handle that, ten years is plenty for me".
You guessed it, Man jumped right on that ten years as well.
So that's why Man has twenty years of normal sex life, ten years of monkeying around, ten years of making an ass out of himself, and ten years lying about it.
Sent from a Galaxy far far away
I guess my vent is, fucking ronas. Constantly fucking up every aspect of life and driving prices through the roof. Looking to get my garden going, figured I might make some changes. Do a wooden raised bed for tomatoes, build a small tower type planter for strawberries. Sweet baby Jesus, the price of wood is ridiculous. I didn't recall it being so damn high and I was right. Since last year at this time, price of lumber has gone up something like 118% and near historical highs. I remember paying around $2 or $2.50 maybe per 2x4 stud when I built my shed. 6 fricken bucks for a 2x4x8 stud. Are they HIGH?
Was following someone's plans on cutting down a 2x12 into smaller boards, making a trellis frame from a board. $25-35 per board. Gtfo with that nonsense. Just one more shove into 3rd world-ism.
Was following someone's plans on cutting down a 2x12 into smaller boards, making a trellis frame from a board. $25-35 per board. Gtfo with that nonsense. Just one more shove into 3rd world-ism.
Obviously not "poop proof" as he is making every effort physically to hold it in.