ECF Refugee Thread All welcome

[AndriaD]

Andria, it's this reason that I have planned my funeral, wrote it down and made sure EVERYONE involved know where to find the info. I want to be cremated, ashes thrown in a box, take a shovel to the cemetery, dig an appropriately sized hole at the end of my dad's plot and throw the box in the hole and cover it. I want it done at sundown with Braid Paisley and Dolly Parton singing when "I Get Where I'm Going". No service at all! Easy peasy!

I have all sorts of wild ideas for the disposal of my ashes... my druthers would be, launched into space ("We are stardust... we are golden."). But since we don't have Trump's budget, either mixing them with sand and putting them in an hourglass, or, mixing them with compost for a beautiful, strongly-perfumed red rose. Either would satisfy my sense of esthetics.

My mother's funeral will be christian, which is another reason why I really have nothing to contribute. When they were praying around her bed just before everything was turned off, I was just thinking "See ya next time around, and maybe we'll do it better then."

Andria

 

[LynnNC]

I have all sorts of wild ideas for the disposal of my ashes... my druthers would be, launched into space ("We are stardust... we are golden."). But since we don't have Trump's budget, either mixing them with sand and putting them in an hourglass, or, mixing them with compost for a beautiful, strongly-perfumed red rose. Either would satisfy my sense of esthetics.

My mother's funeral will be christian, which is another reason why I really have nothing to contribute. When they were praying around her bed just before everything was turned off, I was just thinking "See ya next time around, and maybe we'll do it better then."

Andria

Mine would be to have a skydiver to release my ashes into the sky but since none of my kids skydive that isn't an option. And I don't want a stranger to do it, or one of my skydiving friends either. The kids can plant a tree or something on the gravesite.

 

[JuicyLucy]

I have all sorts of wild ideas for the disposal of my ashes... my druthers would be, launched into space ("We are stardust... we are golden."). But since we don't have Trump's budget, either mixing them with sand and putting them in an hourglass, or, mixing them with compost for a beautiful, strongly-perfumed red rose. Either would satisfy my sense of esthetics.

My mother's funeral will be christian, which is another reason why I really have nothing to contribute. When they were praying around her bed just before everything was turned off, I was just thinking "See ya next time around, and maybe we'll do it better then."

Andria

Morning Fugees - and more condolences to you Andria

This sounds like a very smart move on your part - emotions run high for everyone concerned at times like these. I've seen the smallest of details turn into long-standing grudge matches when too many sad people try to make decisions together.

You do what's best for you.

 

[Moueix]

Whoa. GM Fugees. GFM. Had a "Going away" party for my 22 year old angel. She is off to California to make her mark in the entertainment industry. NO, not THAT kind of entertainment. She does "environments", scenery and backgrounds for animation. I had a little too much fun. Going to miss that one. she has a 7:30pm flight.

 

[inspects]

Morning fugees.....

 

[JuicyLucy]

Morning fugees.....

Morning Dale - on the treadmill agains I see

 

[inspects]

Morning Dale - on the treadmill agains I see

Just returned from morning run...it's nice and cool, about 72.....FINALLY.

 

[inspects]

Whoa. GM Fugees. GFM. Had a "Going away" party for my 22 year old angel. She is off to California to make her mark in the entertainment industry. NO, not THAT kind of entertainment. She does "environments", scenery and backgrounds for animation. I had a little too much fun. Going to miss that one. she has a 7:30pm flight.

Hope she makes it into the Hollywood "Big-Time"......then you can be her agent......

 

[The Cromwell]

Just returned from morning run...it's nice and cool, about 72.....FINALLY.

Run? What was chasin you?

 

[AndriaD]

Morning Fugees - and more condolences to you Andria

This sounds like a very smart move on your part - emotions run high for everyone concerned at times like these. I've seen the smallest of details turn into long-standing grudge matches when too many sad people try to make decisions together.

You do what's best for you.

Well, just as I demand the freedom to believe as I see fit, I grant them the same. If the christian construct is what makes sense to them, fine. Better to believe in ANY god, than none. That sometimes gets hard to remember when they keep nagging about when am I going to come back to church; with some of them, a succinct "never" suffices, but others feel the need to "save" me from my "heathen" ways. It can be very difficult to march to a different drummer... but I've never been able to even hear the one that they march to.

Andria

 

[advancedvapesupply]

Morning all! Hope everyone's weekend is chugging along.

Sent from my SM-G935V using Tapatalk

 

[JuicyLucy]

Hey Stew

 

[LynnNC]

Whoa. GM Fugees. GFM. Had a "Going away" party for my 22 year old angel. She is off to California to make her mark in the entertainment industry. NO, not THAT kind of entertainment. She does "environments", scenery and backgrounds for animation. I had a little too much fun. Going to miss that one. she has a 7:30pm flight.

Congratulations Moo! I hope to see her name in lights soon!

Just returned from morning run...it's nice and cool, about 72.....FINALLY.

Good morning Dale!

 

[Douggro]

Greetings fellow Fugees.. been absent for quite a while, popping in to catch up.

@AndriaD , my condolences to you on the passing of your mother. I know the two of you had your differences, but she was still your mom and nothing ever changes that.

Several years ago, I heard something that we could all take to heart regarding our parents that's worth sharing:
Our parents will always be our parents, just as their children will always be their children. Our parents are who they are, and they are not who they're not. They did what they did, and they did not do what they didn't do. As their children, expecting them to be anything other than that, or to have done anything other than what they did, is foolish. They did the best they could, as best they knew how. They gave us life. They love us as best as they can, even if and when it doesn't meet our expectations. When we can forgive them for not meeting our expectations of what we thought parents should be or do, then we are the ones given forgiveness and are then free to love and appreciate them for what they shall always be - our parents.

 

[AndriaD]

Greetings fellow Fugees.. been absent for quite a while, popping in to catch up.

@AndriaD , my condolences to you on the passing of your mother. I know the two of you had your differences, but she was still your mom and nothing ever changes that.

Several years ago, I heard something that we could all take to heart regarding our parents that's worth sharing:
Our parents will always be our parents, just as their children will always be their children. Our parents are who they are, and they are not who they're not. They did what they did, and they did not do what they didn't do. As their children, expecting them to be anything other than that, or to have done anything other than what they did, is foolish. They did the best they could, as best they knew how. They gave us life. They love us as best as they can, even if and when it doesn't meet our expectations. When we can forgive them for not meeting our expectations of what we thought parents should be or do, then we are the ones given forgiveness and are then free to love and appreciate them for what they shall always be - our parents.

Yes... I began to forgive my mother when I had my own child; I was very fortunate to be blessed with a child who was actually pretty easy to raise, nothing like the emotional volcano I always was (girls lose their minds at the onset of puberty, and may or may not ever find it again), and from that perspective, comparing myself to the easy child my son was, I realized that it was true, she did the best she could, with what she had to work with. As mentioned, when they were praying over her, I was silently wishing her farewell till the next time around the wheel, whenever we meet again, and hoping that maybe eventually, we'll get it right, or righter than we did this time. Parenthood truly is the hardest job a human can undertake, often for very little thanks or ROI, and kids don't come with instruction manuals. Considering how I was, I suppose I'm pretty fortunate that she didn't just disown me, or take me out at the age of 14.

Andria

 

[The Cromwell]

Greetings fellow Fugees.. been absent for quite a while, popping in to catch up.

@AndriaD , my condolences to you on the passing of your mother. I know the two of you had your differences, but she was still your mom and nothing ever changes that.

Several years ago, I heard something that we could all take to heart regarding our parents that's worth sharing:
Our parents will always be our parents, just as their children will always be their children. Our parents are who they are, and they are not who they're not. They did what they did, and they did not do what they didn't do. As their children, expecting them to be anything other than that, or to have done anything other than what they did, is foolish. They did the best they could, as best they knew how. They gave us life. They love us as best as they can, even if and when it doesn't meet our expectations. When we can forgive them for not meeting our expectations of what we thought parents should be or do, then we are the ones given forgiveness and are then free to love and appreciate them for what they shall always be - our parents.

Good to see ya again!.

 

[AndriaD]

Well, I've found a local AA meeting, at 11 tonight. So I figure it's time. I just passed 24 yrs sober back in august, and I think the last time I went was to pick up my chip for 19 yrs sober. Just goes to show you: incurable disease. No matter how long you stay sober, life has this terrible tendency to smack you in the face and remind you, sometimes life just sucks, and I know all too well,. getting drunk would not make it suck less, it would just suck more. It sucks bad enough without adding to the suckage.

Considering that one of the contributory issues in my mother's bad health was cirrhosis, I'm pretty sure she'd agree that drinking would help nothing.

Andria

 

[Douggro]

Yes... I began to forgive my mother when I had my own child; I was very fortunate to be blessed with a child who was actually pretty easy to raise, nothing like the emotional volcano I always was (girls lose their minds at the onset of puberty, and may or may not ever find it again), and from that perspective, comparing myself to the easy child my son was, I realized that it was true, she did the best she could, with what she had to work with. As mentioned, when they were praying over her, I was silently wishing her farewell till the next time around the wheel, whenever we meet again, and hoping that maybe eventually, we'll get it right, or righter than we did this time. Parenthood truly is the hardest job a human can undertake, often for very little thanks or ROI, and kids don't come with instruction manuals. Considering how I was, I suppose I'm pretty fortunate that she didn't just disown me, or take me out at the age of 14.

Andria

I was able to have that conversation with both my parents in one day, going on seven years ago. They know where I am with it, and particularly for my father, he was able to say where he thought his failings as a father had been. And I was able to help him get complete with that, where it's not something he feels burdened with. If either of them were to die tomorrow, there'd be nothing left unfinished between us. A few months ago, when they were over for dinner, I spontaneously gave my mom a kiss and told her "I love you." Then I did the same thing with dad, and it practically moved him to tears, that his son would do that for him.

The wife and I have three good kids (two girls, so I know the wonders of hormonal teenage females. ) who are now young adults. We like to say they turned out well in spite of us and the dysfunctions we had. But we always made them the priority, and they were never kept in the dark when things got really bad. I like to think that them seeing us and our failings, and the process of working through them, showed them not only who their parents are but also who they are.

 

[Douggro]

Good to see ya again!.

Thank you Robert! Likewise, amigo.

 

[Douggro]

Well, I've found a local AA meeting, at 11 tonight. So I figure it's time.

Good for you! And share what's going on with your mom at the meeting: sharing it with people clears a space for you to deal with it.

 

[AndriaD]

I was able to have that conversation with both my parents in one day, going on seven years ago. They know where I am with it, and particularly for my father, he was able to say where he thought his failings as a father had been. And I was able to help him get complete with that, where it's not something he feels burdened with. If either of them were to die tomorrow, there'd be nothing left unfinished between us. A few months ago, when they were over for dinner, I spontaneously gave my mom a kiss and told her "I love you." Then I did the same thing with dad, and it practically moved him to tears, that his son would do that for him.

The wife and I have three good kids (two girls, so I know the wonders of hormonal teenage females. ) who are now young adults. We like to say they turned out well in spite of us and the dysfunctions we had. But we always made them the priority, and they were never kept in the dark when things got really bad. I like to think that them seeing us and our failings, and the process of working through them, showed them not only who their parents are but also who they are.

Yes.. our son saw a lot of our problems; he was just 4 when I got sober, but he knew it was about mommy not drinking anymore -- my husband is recovering too, but he got sober mainly in support of me. Our son saw my PTSD and depression, and the problems his dad and I had, but that we went to therapy together and worked it out -- I think there's a lot worse things a kid can see, like parents who aren't mature enough to work out their problems like adults.

There had been somewhat of a rapprochement between my parents and myself, but it was still somewhat of a work in progress between me and my mom, and I don't really know if we could have worked it out, even if we'd had 10 more years. In many ways, she really was emotionally a child, determined to do everything her own way, doctors and health and wisdom be damned, and that's why she's gone at the age of 75, when otherwise she MIGHT have had 10, or 5, more years. Diabetes is an evil bastard, and when you completely ignore it, it takes your life, in one or several different ways. I fear it far more than cancer. The simple fact is that everyone has to die of something, but diabetes makes your life not worth living, long before it takes it away. I suspect there was a large component of my mom just being tired of being sick and in pain and unable to eat anything without major consequences and lots of bitching about her eating habits, so tired of it that she just gave up, and medicine cannot do anything if the will to live is gone.

Andria

 

[Douggro]

In many ways, she really was emotionally a child, determined to do everything her own way, doctors and health and wisdom be damned, and that's why she's gone at the age of 75, when otherwise she MIGHT have had 10, or 5, more years.

Perhaps that's the place where you need to look in forgiving her. Based on what you've shared in the past, I know that was a quality of hers that you took exception to.

Yes.. our son saw a lot of our problems; he was just 4 when I got sober, but he knew it was about mommy not drinking anymore -- my husband is recovering too, but he got sober mainly in support of me. Our son saw my PTSD and depression, and the problems his dad and I had, but that we went to therapy together and worked it out -- I think there's a lot worse things a kid can see, like parents who aren't mature enough to work out their problems like adults.

Your son was lucky to have parents like you. Most addicts are never strong enough to realize they are stronger than the addiction and remained trapped with that. To go through that, and then deal with what you had to afterwards, speaks greatly about the commitment you and your husband have.

 

[Hank F. Spankman]

GM GFY

 

[AndriaD]

Perhaps that's the place where you need to look in forgiving her. Based on what you've shared in the past, I know that was a quality of hers that you took exception to.

Maybe someday. ATM, I'm still struggling with shock and disbelief and a Mama-shaped hole in my life. It's a really weird shape, because she was a really weird person, but as weird and childish and occasionally small-minded and petty as she could be, she really didn't have any evil in her. No more than the average 5 yr old, anyway.

Your son was lucky to have parents like you. Most addicts are never strong enough to realize they are stronger than the addiction and remained trapped with that. To go through that, and then deal with what you had to afterwards, speaks greatly about the commitment you and your husband have.

Just another instance of using my mom as a negative role-model -- I doubt it ever crossed her mind, to wonder about HOW to parent; she had me at the age of 20, but apparently just assumed that because she was physically capable of bearing a child, she was mentally and emotionally capable of raising one. When I discovered I was pregnant, and decided that yes, we would have a child, I cried my eyes out, and my husband asked why, he thought I was happy about it -- I said "Because now I'll have to grow up." Which really shouldn't be a consideration for someone who's 26, 27 just three days after my son's birth, but I was still a practicing alcoholic; I really had not yet grasped the concept of responsible adulthood. I suppose having a mom like her is WHY I was able to realize the necessity of adulthood, for raising a child. So she's a big part of why I am the person I am... even if in a completely backhanded way.

Andria

 

[Moueix]

Maybe someday. ATM, I'm still struggling with shock and disbelief and a Mama-shaped hole in my life. It's a really weird shape, because she was a really weird person, but as weird and childish and occasionally small-minded and petty as she could be, she really didn't have any evil in her. No more than the average 5 yr old, anyway.

Just another instance of using my mom as a negative role-model -- I doubt it ever crossed her mind, to wonder about HOW to parent; she had me at the age of 20, but apparently just assumed that because she was physically capable of bearing a child, she was mentally and emotionally capable of raising one. When I discovered I was pregnant, and decided that yes, we would have a child, I cried my eyes out, and my husband asked why, he thought I was happy about it -- I said "Because now I'll have to grow up." Which really shouldn't be a consideration for someone who's 26, 27 just three days after my son's birth, but I was still a practicing alcoholic; I really had not yet grasped the concept of responsible adulthood. I suppose having a mom like her is WHY I was able to realize the necessity of adulthood, for raising a child. So she's a big part of why I am the person I am... even if in a completely backhanded way.

Andria

I hope things get better soon Andria.
A Wise Woman Once Said, "Sometimes, Life just sucks you dry". And someone said "Momma said there'd be days like this".

This should be a happy day. 23 years ago I tricked the girl of my dreams into committing the craziest act of her life. But things to do today.
Raining like a son of a gun, while I contemplate how to go to my 3rd funeral in as many weeks. Two close friends and a brother. Rain, so I have to prolly gussy up and go in the car. I'd prefer to go as who I am.

Then I realize I left Bender out, AND my helmet was open side up on the back seat. In the rain. Just one of those days. Still, life is beautiful.

 

[LynnNC]

I hope things get better soon Andria.
A Wise Woman Once Said, "Sometimes, Life just sucks you dry". And someone said "Momma said there'd be days like this".

This should be a happy day. 23 years ago I tricked the girl of my dreams into committing the craziest act of her life. But things to do today.
Raining like a son of a gun, while I contemplate how to go to my 3rd funeral in as many weeks. Two close friends and a brother. Rain, so I have to prolly gussy up and go in the car. I'd prefer to go as who I am.

Then I realize I left Bender out, AND my helmet was open side up on the back seat. In the rain. Just one of those days. Still, life is beautiful.
View attachment 64046

GM Moo I know you don't care for country music but your post reminded me of this song.

 

[AndriaD]

I hope things get better soon Andria.
A Wise Woman Once Said, "Sometimes, Life just sucks you dry". And someone said "Momma said there'd be days like this".

This should be a happy day. 23 years ago I tricked the girl of my dreams into committing the craziest act of her life. But things to do today.
Raining like a son of a gun, while I contemplate how to go to my 3rd funeral in as many weeks. Two close friends and a brother. Rain, so I have to prolly gussy up and go in the car. I'd prefer to go as who I am.

Then I realize I left Bender out, AND my helmet was open side up on the back seat. In the rain. Just one of those days. Still, life is beautiful.
View attachment 64046

I'm sorry to hear of your multiple losses; just at the moment, I can completely empathize with the shock and disbelief and sorrow; so many things left unsaid, thinking there's always tomorrow... until there isn't.

Sorry about your helmet too. That's a crucial piece of equipment, the ol brain bucket.

I learned the plans last night; the funeral will be Tuesday at noon.

Andria

 

[SirKadly]

I hope things get better soon Andria.
A Wise Woman Once Said, "Sometimes, Life just sucks you dry". And someone said "Momma said there'd be days like this".

This should be a happy day. 23 years ago I tricked the girl of my dreams into committing the craziest act of her life. But things to do today.
Raining like a son of a gun, while I contemplate how to go to my 3rd funeral in as many weeks. Two close friends and a brother. Rain, so I have to prolly gussy up and go in the car. I'd prefer to go as who I am.

Then I realize I left Bender out, AND my helmet was open side up on the back seat. In the rain. Just one of those days. Still, life is beautiful.
View attachment 64046

Sorry to hear about losing so many in such a short time. My condolences.

 

[Moueix]

Sorry to hear about losing so many in such a short time. My condolences.

Thanks Kad, Thanks all. All young, all related to poor choices but still sad and still a huge loss to me and those I care about. I'm German and a lil cold from others perspective. I have my moment of grief and I get over it. We're all here but a blip, and if we left it a little better than we found it, we did our duty.

I would describe my religious perspective on some kind of awareness beyond death as hopeful. I don't see anything wrong in thinking it's all a little complex and intricate to be accidental. ergo there might be more to it. So when something awesome happens, I think "Heck Mom, I hope you saw that!".
Which really makes doing freaky things awkward...

 

[JuicyLucy]

 

[LynnNC]

@Moueix I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost 3 high school classmates in the last month. It sucks but it is what it is. We're born, we live, then we die. Some sooner than others. I read somewhere that after we're born, every day that we're here on earth leads us one day closer to dying.

Now..off to work.

 

[The Cromwell]

One day closer to death.

 

[JuicyLucy]

The fugees are melancholy and reflective

 

[The Cromwell]

It's my tinfoil hat.

 

[Hank F. Spankman]

It's my tinfoil hat.

I thought it was your britches lol

 

[The Cromwell]

Must wear tin foil hat to block Trump Mind control rays.

 

[JuicyLucy]

Must wear tin foil hat to block Trump Mind control rays.

Must be that conspiracy of international bankers and the super-models are rigged these days

 

[inspects]

Dead in the fugee section today.....must be folks had better things to do than stare at a forum......

 

[inspects]

How is the rib(s) healing, Juice?

 

[JuicyLucy]

How is the rib(s) healing, Juice?

Coming along, how are you doing?

 

[inspects]

Coming along, how are you doing?

I'm always doing good, nuttin busted up around here......

 

[JuicyLucy]

I'm always doing good, nuttin busted up around here......

That's good to know - seems a lot of us are in a funk due to circumstances beyond our control

 

[chopdoc]

Morning fugee's and GFY!

Sorry to hear about your loss @Moueix.

What a complete wasted weekend, and I loved it. Didnt feel like doing shit this weekend and that pretty much summed up my weekend Cooked up enough wings to last the weekend and I sat on my lazy ass and watched a couple seasons of Game of Thrones. Mixed up some juice and thats about it.
Hope yall had a decent weekend!

Time for

 

[doc_iguana]

top of the morning, and happy monday [blergh!]

finally got the first vape station done... zomg - i should name it Geico ("I saved 15% on batteries...")

 

[Moueix]

top of the morning, and happy monday [blergh!]
finally got the first vape station done... zomg - i should name it Geico ("I saved 15% on batteries...")
View attachment 64169 View attachment 64170 View attachment 64171

In other breaking news, Stuart makes worlds largest NiFe coil...

This is a giant "Hamster Wheel" coil. It is powered by giant herd of Yaks, prized for their fine down, which are continuously misted with Doc Iguana Vapor Sauce and turn the coil simply by following the FOOD THIS WAY signs painted in the coil.

 

[Moueix]

I hate to admit, The Mrs. and I had a lovely anniversary yesterday. We watched the game until halftime when the roads were mostly dried. Went to our local house of semirepute for wings and beer and to watch the rest of the game, ON Bender, which is unusual for the Mrs.

Went to the funeral via a lovely fall color route, saw a LOT of old friends. The Unfortunate was one of 8 siblings, and theirs was the house with the finished basement that the mom or dad never came down in. So, yes. POPULAR family. This is how family and all the old friends get together now. The cost is terrible, of course. We made it up to a REALLY popular sports bar that also happens to have amazing food, not bar type. I encouraged the heavy drinking by the Mrs. That is the allure of the back seat of a Harley, love! The front seat gets NONE.

Made it home from there to watch some Game of Thrones, crack a 1988 Salon, which by definition is just Le Mesnil grapes. It was a bottle of biscuits, a little oxidized but off the hook on complexities. At this point, I am invoking my right to the 5th. The amendment or the bottle, I will leave to your imaginations.

GM and G F Y.

 

[Moueix]

Some odd lil quirks for those who have interest. TLDR at bottom.

Jeffrey, my unfortunate friend, was a very close childhood friend. He was part of the core group of our neighborhood group in Detroit. LOTS of stories, we were wayward kids given incredible freedom.My WIFE comes from this same neighborhood, kinda. She lived other side of a major street by 1 block. We rarely crossed there, we had allies to the north and west, but not to the east. But we had mutual school friends, and I first met my wife when I was about.. 12?

I moved to Windsor then, and many friends also moved from Detroit, all over. Jeffs family was one of the last, so we would all get together at his house, which was our long custom anyway. But we all have stuck together as friends, omg, when we could drive!, and are socially active together, at least a few times a year.

Jeff, married my high school sweethearts best friend. She is awesome. My old GF taught me how evil Facebook can be. I wasn't done shopping yet, she was sweet enough but had expectations beyond my willingness to deliver. So that is always awkward. But a lot of my grade school friends were friends with Teresa too, and of course later friends who knew her WITH me, so she really enjoyed seeing old friends also yesterday, which if you think about it, is kind of unique.

Anway,TLDR. Life is an intricate web we weave, that once spun, we never leave.

 

[Hank F. Spankman]

GM GFY

 

[Moueix]

GM GFY

Isn't there a bacon tits thread around here? GM Hank.

 

[AndriaD]

Well, yesterday wasn't too bad I guess; first day since Wednesday I didn't cry at all, so I count that a victory. This evening we have visitation at the funeral home, so I'm sure I'll make up for it, and also tomorrow at the funeral. Just found and printed my mother's obituary from the AJC, and they got her HS graduation year wrong, but everything else was right, so I guess that's not a biggie.

Andria