MOVING FORWARD
This week was anxiety riddled for me. You know those days (or weeks) when it just seems like one thing after another? It feels like no matter what you do, you're taking two steps forward and one step back, or even worse when it feels like you're taking one step forward and two steps back. I was feeling very stuck, and my perceived lack of progress on a few things was feeding my anxiety along with new things popping up.
I've started this practice that Gabby Bernstein talks about in her new podcast
Dear Gabby (which is excellent by the way if you are looking for mental health support and to not feel so alone in your challenges). She calls it Rage on the Page, and its purpose is to help you clear out all of the negative thoughts, feelings, and worries that are swirling in your head to help make room for more positive and creative things to come through and take their place. As I'm writing this, I'm realizing maybe starting this practice is what stirred up all these things, both the actual events that happened this week and the anxiety; they're all coming up so I can clear them and make way for the better things that are on their way. But, I digress.
You set a timer for 10 or 15 or 20 minutes, and you just write for that chunk of time; you "rage" into your journal about all that is making you tick right now, and then you meditate on what came up for an equal amount of time. While doing Rage on the Page this week, something unexpected came up, and I think that's really the benefit of this type of journaling; you never know what your subconscious mind will pump out and bring to your attention, and then you can work on addressing it. What came out, was this:
"Maybe it's not that I'm stuck. Maybe life is in fact moving forward towards my goals and I'm afraid to move with it; I have
this place figured out, and I'm scared I won't be able to handle the next level. It's all coming, everything I want, and that will inevitably bring change, and I'm maybe scared I don't deserve it or can't handle it."
Woah. I realized that I'm being the squirrel that I talked about a couple weeks ago, that I'm running from the car back the way I came instead of taking the last few steps forward to safety, to what I want. And it reminded me very much of the fear that I experienced surrounding transitioning back into "normal" life after treatment was over. I had that place figured out; I had a handle on my healing routines and I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to manage whatever came next or that I didn't deserve to move forward back into life when so many others who have walked this path don't get that opportunity.
If you find yourself feeling the same way, it's time to remember. Remember that your dreams are your destiny and that you can
never be unworthy of your destiny. Remember that you will
always be able to handle your destiny and that the challenges you face and overcome in getting there serve not to try and prevent you from reaching that end goal, but they actually serve to prepare you for when you do get there. Your life develops you so that you are ready to fulfill your dreams and your destiny when the time is right.
So, sit back, take all you can from the journey, and work to release the anxiety and worry about moving forward. It's what life and we are meant to do.
Happy Healing
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