CHANGE
I'm having a hard time writing this week's love note. My heart is heavy today for some reasons unrelated to cancer, and I know that our usual instinct as humans is to push those feelings away. It definitely is the first thing that always pops into my head when I experience a negative emotion. "Nope!", my brain says, "NOT dealing with this! It's totally fine. You don't need to worry about it.", and about a million other attempted persuasions run through my mind in a split second.
But cancer has taught me so much and changed me in so many ways, and one of those very important areas of learning and change has been do to with exploring, feeling, and dealing with my negative emotions in a healthy way. It's a process, that's for sure, and I'm far from an expert at it yet, but I keep trying, and that's the most important thing.
We all make mistakes. We all have regrets. And cancer and other big challenges can be the source of some our biggest mistakes and regrets. But it's how we feel our way through them, correct them if we can, and move on a little bit wiser for next time that matters the most. Being open to our need to change when we are confronted with it, instead of getting defensive and shutting off, is the best first step we can take. And being
kind and
forgiving to ourselves as we work through the changes is the best second step. I'm bolding these words so that I remember them myself.
Cancer brings a lot of change with it that we didn't ask for or want, and for many of us on the integrative route it also brings with it the decision that there are some changes that we want to make in order to be as healthy as we can be moving forward. We will feel an array of complex emotions in response to these changes - guilt we didn't make them earlier, sadness at what we are choosing to give up, resentment that we have to - and whatever you are feeling is entirely okay. Just give yourself the permission to feel it, and then start taking the steps that are right for you in order to explore, grow from, and move on from those emotions, taking with you what it is you need from the experience.
Change is often stressful, but it can also have beautiful results. I have decided to make some branding/name changes to Orenda Cancer Community which will be coming in the next few weeks, and though it is a little scary to leave behind some of the things that started this journey with me, I know that it is the right decision and that beautiful things are on the way to take up the mantle. Keep an eye out
Happy Healing
