Hank F. Spankman
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I bring you the tale of the dirty bitch we named bird shit.
So I was working the front counter too intake phones to be repaired.
There is a line, and in said line of the most stranger than usual line of dig bags too god damned dumb to own more than tin cans and string.
Is an older lady wearing a snoopy shirt powder blue, ALMOST a night shirt and would have been on a normal person.
I should have taken the ques of the methbillies getting out of line around her. Why?
Wretched BO, bird shit and her rocking a full sagging over pissed in depends. Single handed the worse fucking thing I have ran across... like top five for sure even over the corpse in autopsy with terminal septic peritonitis, and the 5 day river floater.
Perched on her shoulder is a parrot rat or some shit that was half bald from plucking it's feather out. And she has a towel around her neck like she just got done working out, Never mind the giant crusty butter rings under her dough arms.
First thing you notice other than the stench and plucked rat... it the lines of bird shit all over her.
I am trying with all desperation not to projectile vomit on her due to the pig pen funk aura she is projecting in an orbit around her. Like her girth and shit cloud have gone dense enough to make a shit scented black hole and she was the shithole event horizon.
The mobile bald pigeon makes some ungodly noise then does the sickest bird version of sick man's liquid projectile shit down her back and onto the floor. The sound was putrid the smell was other worldly.
She loudly screeches "What everyone shits! it is no big deal it is just natural!" and the whips off that towel and mop up the giant glob of shat out bird soul off the floor.
Never mind the giant green shitty trail down her back, that ball of foul off the floor post haste... And instead of picking it up with said towel and finding a trash can to drop the large deposit.. the nasty critter puts that towel right back around the back of her neck and hair...
So I was working the front counter too intake phones to be repaired.
There is a line, and in said line of the most stranger than usual line of dig bags too god damned dumb to own more than tin cans and string.
Is an older lady wearing a snoopy shirt powder blue, ALMOST a night shirt and would have been on a normal person.
I should have taken the ques of the methbillies getting out of line around her. Why?
Wretched BO, bird shit and her rocking a full sagging over pissed in depends. Single handed the worse fucking thing I have ran across... like top five for sure even over the corpse in autopsy with terminal septic peritonitis, and the 5 day river floater.
Perched on her shoulder is a parrot rat or some shit that was half bald from plucking it's feather out. And she has a towel around her neck like she just got done working out, Never mind the giant crusty butter rings under her dough arms.
First thing you notice other than the stench and plucked rat... it the lines of bird shit all over her.
I am trying with all desperation not to projectile vomit on her due to the pig pen funk aura she is projecting in an orbit around her. Like her girth and shit cloud have gone dense enough to make a shit scented black hole and she was the shithole event horizon.
The mobile bald pigeon makes some ungodly noise then does the sickest bird version of sick man's liquid projectile shit down her back and onto the floor. The sound was putrid the smell was other worldly.
She loudly screeches "What everyone shits! it is no big deal it is just natural!" and the whips off that towel and mop up the giant glob of shat out bird soul off the floor.
Never mind the giant green shitty trail down her back, that ball of foul off the floor post haste... And instead of picking it up with said towel and finding a trash can to drop the large deposit.. the nasty critter puts that towel right back around the back of her neck and hair...
I notice a couple things.
The towel is absolutely filled with bird shit bombs, and wet bird shit...
Said shit is also encrusted to her head, hair and back of the neck..
The smell hits me next.
She waddles to the counter plops the phone on the counter and it is bird chewed and literally dribbling bird shit out of it.
"Get the bio hazard off my counter and kindly get the FUCK out of the store." I then lose it on my counter.
Manager comes over and his nose hits it first..
"Ma'am leave now, You know service and repair is not covering liquid and or shit damage."
She crazy bird lady leaves.
1 year 9 months later.
Bird shit comes back, Same shirt as before.. the exact same unwashed shirt bleached white from all the bird shit.
The formerly nasty towel is now moldy green from all the bird shit.
I was outside the store thank fuck, she somehow got the front end person to take the phone quickly.
There was a wait and she wandered outside the store into the chinese run flea market clothing store.
The entire chinese staff went after that funky motherfucker with clothes rods and hangers before she fully entered the store due to her being so fucking nasty.
The Chinese buffet chased her out.
Hell the nasty bitch got kicked out of a ross also.
Dejected she sat on the curb out front Even cars would not enter the shithole shitevent horizon.
The manager came out to give her phone to her in a baggy and told her she was to find a new carrier and to never come back into the location again.
Seems the tech who popped her phone apart was not wearing gloves and the inside was FILLED with liquid bird shit and a giant cockroach welded to the processor and a few bed bugs.
The towel is absolutely filled with bird shit bombs, and wet bird shit...
Said shit is also encrusted to her head, hair and back of the neck..
The smell hits me next.
She waddles to the counter plops the phone on the counter and it is bird chewed and literally dribbling bird shit out of it.
"Get the bio hazard off my counter and kindly get the FUCK out of the store." I then lose it on my counter.
Manager comes over and his nose hits it first..
"Ma'am leave now, You know service and repair is not covering liquid and or shit damage."
She crazy bird lady leaves.
1 year 9 months later.
Bird shit comes back, Same shirt as before.. the exact same unwashed shirt bleached white from all the bird shit.
The formerly nasty towel is now moldy green from all the bird shit.
I was outside the store thank fuck, she somehow got the front end person to take the phone quickly.
There was a wait and she wandered outside the store into the chinese run flea market clothing store.
The entire chinese staff went after that funky motherfucker with clothes rods and hangers before she fully entered the store due to her being so fucking nasty.
The Chinese buffet chased her out.
Hell the nasty bitch got kicked out of a ross also.
Dejected she sat on the curb out front Even cars would not enter the shithole shitevent horizon.
The manager came out to give her phone to her in a baggy and told her she was to find a new carrier and to never come back into the location again.
Seems the tech who popped her phone apart was not wearing gloves and the inside was FILLED with liquid bird shit and a giant cockroach welded to the processor and a few bed bugs.
Forgot to mention blue arm.
Dude dropped his old ass nextel into a full mexican crew destroyed construction porta shitter.
The guy went after it all the way up to his shoulder of his left arm. Drove 25 miles to get to us with his whole arm out the window.
Manager saw him walking in and ran out and told him not just no but FUCK no turn right around and go away.
Haha that was to the post above yours
Ohhh I thought you was so sad you posted THAT pic. I was gonna run to wherever you were to stop you! I might be losing my forum wife, but not in that way!!Haha that was to the post above yours
f1r3b1rd
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She will always be your forum wife.Ohhh I thought you was so sad you posted THAT pic. I was gonna run to wherever you were to stop you! I might be losing my forum wife, but not in that way!!
Haha awwwww no not losing me. Definitely had a lot of sad today but plans for future visits helped a lotOhhh I thought you was so sad you posted THAT pic. I was gonna run to wherever you were to stop you! I might be losing my forum wife, but not in that way!!
maybe if I drive down I'll stop and see my forum wifey on the way next time
Woo hoo!! My plan is working.Haha awwwww no not losing me. Definitely had a lot of sad today but plans for future visits helped a lotmaybe if I drive down I'll stop and see my forum wifey on the way next time
Oh fuck you that was hilarious..I was rolling on the floor...you owe the world a novel or two ..get fucking busy.
I am I am.
Some of the shit I see just boggles the mind.
The taint fountain the other day was justice.
tell me about it ..I lived in San Francisco for 12 years...it was like one 12 year long electric kool aid trip...one giant fucking out patient ward.
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I can just imagine this asshole thinking to himself...yeah they'll be able to fix this....with his arm hanging out the window....hope I can get there before they close...Oh and I need to pick some milk at the grocery too.
AT WORK YESTERDAY
CO-WORKER (CW)
Ey EJ
What's VAPING?
Me
It's the safest alternative to smoking cigarettes
CW
It has nicotine right ?
Me
Yes and no
CW
So it's the same thing as smoking!
Me
Nope.
CW
Well it has nicotine, same as cigarettes
Me
Yup, but VAPING doesn't have tobacco and cancer chemicals that causes CANCERS.
CW
Nicotine is a vasodilator, and that can cause heart disease
Me
Nicotine is a vasodilator, yes you are correct, vasodilation is not permanent,as soon as you stop VAPING it comes back to normal.
VAPING doesn't cause Vasoconstriction like cigarettes does, that causes heart disease, and tobacco leaves plaques in our arteries that cause heart problems, high blood pressure etccccc..
CW
Well how is VAPING safer than cigarettes then?! You still smoke right?
Me
It's not smoke, it's vapor
CW
What's in the vapor
Me
Vg/pg/ coloring/sweetners/nicotine
CW
It can't be good if you inhale all the chemicals
Me
You are correct, BUT it's the safest alternative to smoking cigarettes..
CW
Why do it
Me
To quit cigarettes
CW
That's a waste of money, why not just quit, just don't do it
Me
You will never understand
Only a SMOKER understands..
CW
That's just dumb, you might as well smoke, atleast you know what you putting in ur body
Me
Didn't I just say it's the safest alternative to stinkies, and it's proven over and over again, but we still don't know the long term effect of VAPING
But for now it is the safest thing to do, and I will take that...
CW
Huh! That's just confusing
Me
SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH
in my mind
YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND CUZ YOU AINT A SMOKER AND NVER WAS!
I don't recommend VAPING for non smokers, you don't have to VAPE...
CW
I read on Instagram about FDA?
ME
YUP the White House will shit down VAPING
CW
Why
Me
Taxes, money, taxes, money!
CW
Why not just regulate it and tax it like
cigarettes
Me
THATS WHAT I SAID...they are protecting future profits, they want to make sure SMOKING remains, disease remains, surgeon, doctors,clinics,etcccc remains in business...
Imagine a world without cigarettes??
No cancers,no heart disease etccc..
CW
That's a great point...
Good am old folks
VAPE ON
CO-WORKER (CW)
Ey EJ
What's VAPING?
Me
It's the safest alternative to smoking cigarettes
CW
It has nicotine right ?
Me
Yes and no
CW
So it's the same thing as smoking!
Me
Nope.
CW
Well it has nicotine, same as cigarettes
Me
Yup, but VAPING doesn't have tobacco and cancer chemicals that causes CANCERS.
CW
Nicotine is a vasodilator, and that can cause heart disease
Me
Nicotine is a vasodilator, yes you are correct, vasodilation is not permanent,as soon as you stop VAPING it comes back to normal.
VAPING doesn't cause Vasoconstriction like cigarettes does, that causes heart disease, and tobacco leaves plaques in our arteries that cause heart problems, high blood pressure etccccc..
CW
Well how is VAPING safer than cigarettes then?! You still smoke right?
Me
It's not smoke, it's vapor
CW
What's in the vapor
Me
Vg/pg/ coloring/sweetners/nicotine
CW
It can't be good if you inhale all the chemicals
Me
You are correct, BUT it's the safest alternative to smoking cigarettes..
CW
Why do it
Me
To quit cigarettes
CW
That's a waste of money, why not just quit, just don't do it
Me
You will never understand
Only a SMOKER understands..
CW
That's just dumb, you might as well smoke, atleast you know what you putting in ur body
Me
Didn't I just say it's the safest alternative to stinkies, and it's proven over and over again, but we still don't know the long term effect of VAPING
But for now it is the safest thing to do, and I will take that...
CW
Huh! That's just confusing
Me
SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH
in my mind
YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND CUZ YOU AINT A SMOKER AND NVER WAS!
I don't recommend VAPING for non smokers, you don't have to VAPE...
CW
I read on Instagram about FDA?
ME
YUP the White House will shit down VAPING
CW
Why
Me
Taxes, money, taxes, money!
CW
Why not just regulate it and tax it like
cigarettes
Me
THATS WHAT I SAID...they are protecting future profits, they want to make sure SMOKING remains, disease remains, surgeon, doctors,clinics,etcccc remains in business...
Imagine a world without cigarettes??
No cancers,no heart disease etccc..
CW
That's a great point...
Good am old folks
VAPE ON
Teresa P
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No, you don't know what you're putting in your body by smoking, the list of poison is just too long, but suffice it to say it is POISON. Making my own juice, I know EXACTLY what I'm putting into my body, and I feel good about that.
Tell that person I said to SHUT UP and eat her big mac.....
Tell that person I said to SHUT UP and eat her big mac.....
It is just fucking sad these same retards are allowed near medication and vote.AT WORK YESTERDAY
CO-WORKER (CW)
Ey EJ
What's VAPING?
Me
It's the safest alternative to smoking cigarettes
CW
It has nicotine right ?
Me
Yes and no
CW
So it's the same thing as smoking!
Me
Nope.
CW
Well it has nicotine, same as cigarettes
Me
Yup, but VAPING doesn't have tobacco and cancer chemicals that causes CANCERS.
CW
Nicotine is a vasodilator, and that can cause heart disease
Me
Nicotine is a vasodilator, yes you are correct, vasodilation is not permanent,as soon as you stop VAPING it comes back to normal.
VAPING doesn't cause Vasoconstriction like cigarettes does, that causes heart disease, and tobacco leaves plaques in our arteries that cause heart problems, high blood pressure etccccc..
CW
Well how is VAPING safer than cigarettes then?! You still smoke right?
Me
It's not smoke, it's vapor
CW
What's in the vapor
Me
Vg/pg/ coloring/sweetners/nicotine
CW
It can't be good if you inhale all the chemicals
Me
You are correct, BUT it's the safest alternative to smoking cigarettes..
CW
Why do it
Me
To quit cigarettes
CW
That's a waste of money, why not just quit, just don't do it
Me
You will never understand
Only a SMOKER understands..
CW
That's just dumb, you might as well smoke, atleast you know what you putting in ur body
Me
Didn't I just say it's the safest alternative to stinkies, and it's proven over and over again, but we still don't know the long term effect of VAPING
But for now it is the safest thing to do, and I will take that...
CW
Huh! That's just confusing
Me
SHUT THE FUCK UP BITCH
in my mind
YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND CUZ YOU AINT A SMOKER AND NVER WAS!
I don't recommend VAPING for non smokers, you don't have to VAPE...
CW
I read on Instagram about FDA?
ME
YUP the White House will shit down VAPING
CW
Why
Me
Taxes, money, taxes, money!
CW
Why not just regulate it and tax it like
cigarettes
Me
THATS WHAT I SAID...they are protecting future profits, they want to make sure SMOKING remains, disease remains, surgeon, doctors,clinics,etcccc remains in business...
Imagine a world without cigarettes??
No cancers,no heart disease etccc..
CW
That's a great point...
Good am old folks
VAPE ON
I bust out the benzine, urine, feces, carpet glue and pulonium... not to mention pesticides and other mind altering chemicals the FDA has approved for tobacco.
AndriaD
Yes, I DO wear a mask! I'm vaccinated, too!
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I got this particular bit of asshole-stupidity from my ex, when I had to go into rehab, and then attend daily AA meetings. My response: "IF I COULD 'JUST QUIT', THEN I WOULDN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC AT ALL, WOULD I?!?!?!"
I've also heard it from non-smokers about vaping. And no, they're simply not capable of understanding why we can't 'just quit,' or why we might go on smoking for fucking decades, despite knowing all the risks full well, despite perhaps having seen a loved one die of lung cancer. It's like trying to explain color to someone blind since birth, or music to someone deaf since birth. Or poverty to a Kennedy. "Let them eat cake."
Andria
When I smoked.
"I smoke to keep the terminally stupid alive and me out of prison... fuck off!"
AndriaD
Yes, I DO wear a mask! I'm vaccinated, too!
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Heh... I know that's exactly why my husband's initial reaction to my vaping was kinda luke-warm -- I'm sure he was just waiting for the "inevitable" psychosis that attended every other quit attempt. He was fucking DELIGHTED when not only did I quit smoking, I did it without losing my mind or driving him out of his!
Andria
Hank F. Spankman
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Wtf? I likes some Big Macs lol
Teresa P
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You'd be about as well off with cigarettes than the fat-laden Monsanto burgers! Lol!
AndriaD
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When I try to define "cravings" (as opposed to "thoughts"), I always say "you know that feeling when you've held your breath for 3-5 minutes?" Most people can't even imagine holding their breath for more than a minute or *maybe* two minutes..... but that's what cigarette cravings felt like to me; like I was suffocating and needed air desperately or I was just going to die. That's the feeling that drove me to the relapse right after my appendectomy, and the return of that feeling after I got back to smoke-free, that prompted me to use WTA... which completely removed that feeling.
Andria
Andria
Hank F. Spankman
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YES. exactlly like suffocting.
{insert face palm here)
Let's not start the hate mongering of Monsanto please. Just because they are the largest company in plant science, doesn't make them evil.
Does everyone hate on JBS because they are the world's largest meat producers? If you eat meat, you've eaten a JBS product. If you eat vegetables, you've ate Monsanto products.
Big deal. We aren't starving, are we? Anyone here started growing a third eye yet? Develop leprosy from sweet corn?
Just avoid vaping though. It dehydrates you and gives you dry knuckles. We should always follow the advice of "experts" with agendas......
Monsantos are not hated on because of them being the largestplant science company they are hated on because they are a bunch of no good evil fucks who should be in prison, who use their wealth to control the FDA, and who operate above the law. who have driven small farmers out of bussiness by their ability to buy judges.The are a monopoly and monoplies like them don't exist without the aid of a corrupt goverment.
ALL corporations use the law to their advantage. They also use their wealth for influence. The founders WARNED us of this.
It's the nature of the beast. Yet, we have Scammery Clinton getting away with dozens of felonies. Yeah, let's all be pissed at the corporations that are responsible for feeding our convenience DEMANDING asses.
Small farmer? Yeah, I don't see the several dozen of them, in MY small community..... Must be my imagination.
If you want to know why small farms are uncommon, maybe you should get your hands dirty and work for a farmer sometime. Small farmers don't exist as often, because inputs are HIGH and returns are low. Who wants to raise crops for maybe 100 dollars an acre, on the return? Equipment, fuel, seed, repairs, all that shit, costs ALOT of money. Hard to spread those costs over 40 acres and see a profit for your effort and investment.
I just walked away from (a year ago) working 10 solid years in AG. I get a bit pissy with people that talk out their ass about farming, like they have a clue as to what is going on. I walked the walk, and talked the talk. I actually have knowledge of what goes on. Not just some bullshit report from some fruitcake with an agenda.
I like beer 
I now want a big mac Dammit!!!!
The fucking crimes of Monsantos could fill a book your agpoligist bullshit for them is fucking ridiculous...all corporations are corrupt as if that is some kind of justification or something we have to accept..fucking Monsantos writes our FDA policiies their lawyers have there own desks at the FDA...charging farmers for flyover pollen than pollinates their corn for copyright violations give me a fucking break., farmers not being able to save their own seed because it was infected with the pollen of Monsantos Frankencorn....10 whole years huh...there are farmers whov'e spent lifetimes farming that are fighting Monsantos and who are speaking out against Monsantos.your 10 years don't impress me.
I support free market capitalisim.. I don't support crony capitalist fascisim what is good for GM is not always good for America.As for Hilary the bitch belongs in an orange jumpsuit.
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Teresa P
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It's what they do to our food that bothers me. "Genetically Modified" is a scary term. When a chick grows into a full sized chicken in six weeks, something is up and it can't be good. When crops are altered with chemicals to yield ten times as much and be ten times bigger than what Farmer Brown is growing, something is amiss.
️
AndriaD
Yes, I DO wear a mask! I'm vaccinated, too!
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That's my gut feeling too. I'm not a "granola hippy" or anything, though I do try to eat whole grains and not too much meat, but I just have this niggling feeling about fooling with Mother Nature in such unnatural ways. Hybridizing plants has always worked really well, using cross-pollination, which is artificial but still a natural process, and I don't see why they need to get more radical. Scientists aren't nearly as smart as Mother Nature.
Andria
Oh yes this^^^
Do tell brother, how many years have YOU spent farming? Tell me about the contracts you signed for the seed technology. Tell me how some of those guy aren't being the LEAST bit crooked, planting their seed corn next to Monsanto or Pioneer, to PURPOSELY cross pollinate their seed stock, to steal genetics the other "corporate assholes" spent millions developing.
Oh, those POOR farmers can't save crops to replant next year? OH THE HORROR! It's SO terrible they signed a CONTRACT that stops them from doing that to begin with.
I support free markets too. That means IF I develop a genetic strain, and I require purchasers to sign a contract to protect MY interest, then too bad for assholes trying to steal what's mine. The crop is theirs, NOT the technology.
Their is two sides to a story. It's easy to believe a story about the "little guy" getting stomped by the "giant corporate asshole" when you are totally ignorant of the facts. Just buy your food at the grocery store, and let those who know what they are doing, do what they do best.
Or better yet, just GROW ALL your own fruits, vegetables, and meat. That'll show those assholes!
That's what it takes to feed the masses..If they do something to increase their yield or grow faster there would be a food shortage.Unless you want to pay 10.00 for a gal of milk or or 8.00 for one tomato .,ect
So, would you be better off eating maze? Because G.M. started with native americans. They cross pollinated maze to be what we know as corn today.
Crops are not altered with chemicals. They spray herbicides, pesticides, fungicides, and use fertilizers. Crops grow the way they do because they are bred to do so. Silage corn is taller because of the cellulose matter is important. Tonnage per acre makes a difference all around.
You also have to realize, sometimes farmer brown is growing some off the wall cheap seed corn. That shit is a total waste of money. It may cost less, but the yields and resistances are shit.
Understand something. Corn root borer is a problem with farmers. You could poison the hell out of the soil to control it (and everyone would be up in arms over that) or you can breed resistance through genetics. There are many "traits" that are "stacked" in corn genetics. Mostly for the very reason I mentioned.
Farmers HAVE to feed the world. They HAVE to produce.
Everyone is worried about nothing.