This time of year is a season of joy for many, but for some it can bring a sense of loneliness and despair. And maybe there is something we can do about that…
What is stirring these thoughts in me is that recently I saw a headline stating the rate of suicide in 2022 in the United States jumped to a record high. So, I decided to look at the actual data from the National Vital Statistics System (NVSS). I learned a lot and wanted to share some information.
First, while the total number of number of suicides in 2022 was 3% higher than in 2021 (49,449 vs. 48,183), if it is adjusted per 100,000 people, the increase was only 1% higher in 2022 than in 2021 (14.3 vs. 14.1).
While I would not refer to a 1% increase as a big jump, clearly there is a problem if rates are increasing. Looking at the data, here are some statistics that really stood out to me.
Nearly four times as many men committed suicide as woman (39,255 vs 10,194) in 2022. Why is that? It would be easy to assign it to stereotypical roles of being a “man,” but sometimes the easy answer is the right one. Men are less likely to make emotional connections or seek help if feeling depressed or overwhelmed. Men most often bear more financial responsibilities than women, that may play a role, but here is one that I think is a BIG reason. More men are less health conscious in that they do not take care of themselves by eating or living in a healthful manner. Alcohol and drug abuse is nearly twice as prevalent in men than women.
The highest race affected by suicide is American Indian and Alaska Native people with a rate of 26.7 deaths per 100,000 people in the U.S. That issue needs to be addressed. It has been going on for far too long. In comparison, white people had a rate of 17.6, Black people 9.0, Hispanic people 8.1, and Asian people 7.0.
And when I started looking at suicide rates by age and gender, that is where things really started getting interesting. Here is what I found:
In men, by far the greatest age for suicide risk was 75 years and older with a nearly 40 suicides per 100,000 people. That is considerably higher than the rate in men between 25 and 75 years of age (generally is about 30 deaths per 100,000 people). Why do elderly men commit suicide at such a higher rate? My guess is that in addition to the possible reasons given above, with many men so much of their identity is tied to their role in both the workplace and at home… and at 75+ those roles have diminished leading to a decreased sense of self-worth. And, of course, they may feel loneliness and sadness over the multitude of losses. Alcohol and drug use can make these feelings worse. So can struggling with pain, health challenges, and physical limitations.
In women, the result was a bell-shaped curve with the peak being 8.9 deaths per 100,000 people at 45-54 years of age. Is perimenopause and menopause the reason? Maybe. It is a big transition. There is a lot going on hormonally and emotionally during that time. However, there are other factors. For example, single people have an increased suicide risk. This list includes those who have never been married as well as those that are separated, divorced, or widowed. The fact that there is a blip in suicide rates at this age in women may be related to the impact of being single at this time in life. Interestingly, the first month of separation in a relationship is the time where suicide is most likely. That is important to know in supporting recently single people whether it is a man or a woman.
I also think there is more than can be done to support women 45-55 or any age really. Women are wired to love and nurture, by the time they hit middle age they may feel depleted. It may be especially important during this time in their lives that that every husband, son, daughter, grandchild, or even parent give back as much of that love they have received from these women during this time in their lives. Basically, replenish their love cup. I think that would help…
While suicide can occur at any age, these statistics give some insight on who is at higher risk. So, what can we do about it? First, let me speak to those who may be having suicidal ideations or anyone that wants more joy and connection in their life. I have some assignments for you.
First, you will need to create a safety plan. In a nutshell, there are four basic steps:
- Recognize when you are triggered.
- Once triggered employ self-coping strategies such as deep breathing exercises, meditation or prayer.
- If unable to sufficiently calm yourself, have a call list of family members, friends, clergy, or a therapist to help you. Now the important thing here is to reach out to establish your support system before you need them at a time of crisis. It may be a difficult initial conversation, but please reach out anyway.
- If you are at significant risk of harming yourself, reach out immediately to one of the many suicidal hotlines such as calling or texting 988 from any cell phone.
My goal is to help you cultivate a grateful mind. There is a large growing body of scientific work showing that people who are more grateful have higher levels of well-being and are happier, less depressed, less stressed, more satisfied with their lives and social relationships, and live longer.
That sounds great, so LET’S GO! Here are three assignments:
- Assignment A: Create a gratitude visit or call in your life. We all have had people touch our lives in profound ways. Pick a worthy recipient and preferably someone whom you have not had much recent contact with. Write them, call them, or meet them and watch the magic unfold. The more special you make it for the recipient, the more special it will be for you.
- Assignment B: I want you to be more aware in your daily life of opportunities to acknowledge people and seize chances to say thank you or to show kindness. Be bold! Put an effort into making at least three people smile today.
- Assignment C: When you are putting yourself to sleep, make the last conscious thoughts those of giving thanks in your mind and heart for at least three wonderful things you have in your life. Think of the love, joy, peace, and happiness those things give you and feel the gratitude in your heart.
Here is the purpose of these exercises. If you can create a high level of gratitude in your life and find ways to acknowledge the people you love, you are not going to throw your life away. You will see its value. Once you see the value and a purpose in life, then it is easier to get the snowball rolling towards feeling better and making better diet, lifestyle, and health choices.
Now, let’s turn to perhaps the more difficult task. Helping someone we love who is struggling with wanting to live. There is no cookie cutter answer here, but any successful intervention begins with showing you care by reaching out and asking difficult questions including if they are OK and if they have any thoughts of hurting themselves.
Everyone's situation is different, but one thing I think is constant to produce a positive outcome is STRONG love. What do I mean by that? Strong love to me means that love is filling the room in creating a loving, supportive environment, free of judgment, that allows the other to express their feelings or simply sit in silence knowing they are cared for and loved.
Listening with understanding is a part of strong love too. And so is not giving advice or guidance. That time may come later, but first concentrate on listening and understanding. For now, just focus on helping them feel connections – both to people and to life.
This simple approach can work wonders. It is basic suicide prevention. Don’t underestimate its value. That said, if you feel that the situation is more than you can handle or no progress is being made, then you may need to get them to seek professional help. If a person is in immediate crisis, it is important to get them professional help or call 911 if a severe crisis.
I have been lucky I guess in that my life has not been touched by a suicide of a family member or close friend. If it had, I think I would always wonder if there was anything that I could have done differently. That is a question I never want to ask myself… And I wrote this newsletter with the hope that will never be a question for you to answer as well.
I encourage you to reach out, stretch yourself to spread even more love, and have fun this December. Life is a blessing to be cherished and enjoyed. Live that message and touch others with your enthusiasm.
With best wishes of a blessed holiday season,